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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to say yes to a cat!

193 replies

Fluffyballofwool · 28/10/2024 23:35

Me and the kids (13, 10) really really want a cat. DH doesn’t. He’s not allergic or anything. Just says he doesn’t want one. Didn’t grow up with cats so ‘can’t see the point’. So it’s a no. We can’t have one.

I feel he is being selfish and doesn’t have a strong enough reason why not. It’s making me very unhappy! The kids and I adore cats.

If it was the other way around and he wanted a dog (he grew up with them) I would say yes. I don’t want a dog but if it made DH happy then there’s no question.

AIBU to feel he’s being unnecessarily stubborn?!

OP posts:
Highlandflapped · 29/10/2024 08:10

Get 2. They’re honestly the best.

HowardTJMoon · 29/10/2024 08:11

I'd have a dog in a heartbeat if I could but I'd never have a cat. I don't have a particularly acute sense of smell but as soon as I step foot into a house that's got a cat I can tell immediately. Plus the whole thing about them hunting birds, mice, frogs etc and bringing them home.

Sidebeforeself · 29/10/2024 08:12

Why does he need a valid reason? No is a complete sentence,according to MN!

Orangebadger · 29/10/2024 08:15

Get him to meet some kittens... he may be swayed. I love both dogs and cats and have both but if I had to choose it would always be dogs. However kittens are awesome. Cats are also such little work. They are so easy to look after. He needs persuading!

drspouse · 29/10/2024 08:15

We got a cat because we had mice. DH thought he was allergic and the cat was never going to sit on the sofa with him or come in our room.
You can guess how that went.
Turns out he isn't allergic any more. Cat 1 was his Teams companion during lockdown 1. Unfortunately cat 1 was run over (mid 2020 when a lot of cats had lost their road sense apparently). Cat 2 has taken over.
It's been really good for our DCs as well. Taken them out of their comfort zone and given them someone to cuddle!

Edingril · 29/10/2024 08:15

Sidebeforeself · 29/10/2024 08:12

Why does he need a valid reason? No is a complete sentence,according to MN!

Well it depends on man or woman according to MN

Orangebadger · 29/10/2024 08:16

HowardTJMoon · 29/10/2024 08:11

I'd have a dog in a heartbeat if I could but I'd never have a cat. I don't have a particularly acute sense of smell but as soon as I step foot into a house that's got a cat I can tell immediately. Plus the whole thing about them hunting birds, mice, frogs etc and bringing them home.

You should see what my dog kills in the garden! Much worse than my cat who can't catch a thing! My dog is a pure killing hunter!

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 29/10/2024 08:22

Dump the miserable git and get a cat. You’ll probably be happier 😆

Hateam · 29/10/2024 08:34

romdowa · 29/10/2024 07:54

Better to ask for forgiveness than permission 🙈 get the cat and deal with dh afterwards

Better to ask for forgiveness than permission

That is without doubt the single most dreadful phrase in bring into a marriage I have ever heard.

HowardTJMoon · 29/10/2024 08:51

Orangebadger · 29/10/2024 08:16

You should see what my dog kills in the garden! Much worse than my cat who can't catch a thing! My dog is a pure killing hunter!

Show quote history

Fair enough. I've lived in homes with both cats and dogs and I've never known a dog to bring in an animal and then leave it, or bits of it, on the carpet. Plus dogs generally aren't left to roam the countryside at will in the way that cats are so they don't get anywhere near the same opportunity to hunt. Finally, and provided the other can be bothered, dogs can be trained not to hunt. Cats can't.

soberfabulous · 29/10/2024 08:52

Why don't you apply to foster a cat temporarily..lots of rescues do this. Then you know..:it might be a foster fail 🤪

GogAndMagog · 29/10/2024 08:53

Just magically have a black cat appear on Thursday. 🎃👻🐈‍⬛

Billydavey · 29/10/2024 08:54

Fluffyballofwool · 28/10/2024 23:50

I just feel he’s not got a valid reason to say no.

We have the time the space the money. And the kids are a great age to have a cat.

It’s really irritated me that he can see how much happiness it would bring us but he has arbitrarily said no. He won’t be swayed and we’re not allowed to talk about it anymore apparently!

He doesn’t want one, that’s a valid enough reason.

everyone has to want a pet or you don’t get one.

Orangebadger · 29/10/2024 08:55

@HowardTJMoon yes fair point about cats been free to roam and hunt which dogs can't and yes my dog does not bring dead things home but neither does my cat, thank god! But I think you would have a job training a terrier or hound not to hunt. It's very hard wired in them. You can try to divert their prey drive but that's probably it! Even that is very hard with certain breeds.

MeMyCatsAndI · 29/10/2024 08:59

Do what I did.

Badgered my DH into getting a dog knowing he doesn't like them, eventually he said he'd compromise and get a cat.

We now have 3. Grin

Billydavey · 29/10/2024 08:59

Sidebeforeself · 29/10/2024 08:12

Why does he need a valid reason? No is a complete sentence,according to MN!

Not for men it’s not. They need to comply or they’re sad grumpy gits who should be chucked out.

seriously, all the people saying just get one, or he’s an arse. He doesn’t want one, that’s fine and should be enough!

Velvian · 29/10/2024 09:02

I would never want a cat (DH would). I would be really upset if he got one.

We have a dog that stays downstairs. Upstairs is pet free. You can't really do that with a cat. I think we should just stop interfering with animals personally and let them get on with their own lives 😅

Ddog is a rescue, a retired working dog, so I relented on that. Once she goes, I don't want to get another...and it's not that I'm really mean, it is the sense of responsibility and worrying about her. My siblings are totally different, always been animal botherers 😅. They seem to be able to enjoy their menageries without having the worry.

Having a cat would seriously increase my stress levels, maybe your DH is the same.

NowImNotDoingIt · 29/10/2024 09:09

Would he agree to it if he had to take no responsibility for it and you and the kids sort it all out? All he has to do is live with it.

OH had no interest in cats, he proclaimed himself a dog lover and cats are stupid and selfish and bla bla bla. You should see him spoon feeding (he gets an extra one) the cat , the "chats" they have and how they cuddle up together. He still insists he's not a cat person.Grin

Billydavey · 29/10/2024 09:12

Post that your husband decided to buy a pet rat/spider/snake knowing you didn’t want one. See what responses that gets…

Tink3rbell30 · 29/10/2024 09:18

No means no.

Ednoreilojal · 29/10/2024 09:19

My DH actually loves cats and adored our two (they died aged 15). But absolutely insists he won't have any more. His objections are partly about money and the cat damaging furniture/flooring etc. (Though partly I think he doesn't want to go through the emotional trauma of losing them again). Teen kids and I are desperate for a cat. Given that he actually loves cats I sometimes think we should go behind his back. But then I think every time the cat costs money or causes damage it'll be my fault and he'll be pissy about it.

5foot5 · 29/10/2024 09:34

Kibble29 · 28/10/2024 23:55

Just get one. What’s he gonna do when the little fluffer is already there? It’s too late, husband, too late. 😁

No this would be really irresponsible.

I love cats and was brought up with them, we always had at least one cat. DH never had any pets, apart from a short lived goldfish! He is not particularly fond of either cats or dogs and I realised from early in our relationship that he would never want either. Fair enough. In any case we both worked FT so it probably wouldn't be fair.

When we had DD though it was clear she would love a pet and finally, when she was about 8, we got a pair of guinea pigs. DH eventually got quite fond of them and we ended up with guinea pigs for nearly 10 years after that.

We are now retired and, although we have more time, he is no nearer to wanting a cat or dog. I have accepted it. But. Recent twist! Adult DD, who now has a home of her own, has decided to get a cat. I have pointed out to DH that this means when she comes to visit she will have to bring it with her, we might even have a cat to stay this Christmas. If she goes on holiday then we will be looking after it for her. He seems to have taken this on board so 🤞

GoldCat255 · 29/10/2024 09:43

What a disgraceful thread.
First of all, OP, if anyone is being selfish here, it's you. You can't impose the significant responsibility of pet ownership on someone else. No everybody has a passion for having to clean their shit and to pay all the extra costs involved in their care.
And then the other posters suggesting to get the cat anyway to cause a fait accompli situation. Well, what can I say ? Pathetic. Don't you think the animal will not notice that they are not liked?
If you so much are craving for a cat go and divorce your husband and get the bloody cat.
Well done for your husband for standing up to you.

sashh · 29/10/2024 09:44

Leave the bastard. Only half joking.

The cat distribution system needs to be in play.

Could you look after someone's cat while they are on holiday?

Or I could lend you mine, she is a complete tart when it comes to men.

Wellingtonspie · 29/10/2024 09:45

Imagine any other situation on ask for forgiveness rather than permission.