To want DH to say yes to a cat!

[Fluffyballofwool]

Me and the kids (13, 10) really really want a cat. DH doesn’t. He’s not allergic or anything. Just says he doesn’t want one. Didn’t grow up with cats so ‘can’t see the point’. So it’s a no. We can’t have one.

I feel he is being selfish and doesn’t have a strong enough reason why not. It’s making me very unhappy! The kids and I adore cats.

If it was the other way around and he wanted a dog (he grew up with them) I would say yes. I don’t want a dog but if it made DH happy then there’s no question.

AIBU to feel he’s being unnecessarily stubborn?!

Why does her opinion count more than his? Is she his boss? His owner?

It is blatantly obvious that for a pet to be accepted in the family both parents need to be on board with the idea as the responsibility of its care lies on both of them.

Would you move to another town and/or have a child and/or become a SAHM, just because your partner asks you to, because it makes him happier, even though you don't want to? No? Why? What are you, his boss? His owner?

Because we’re talking about another living being. Everyone in the house needs to be fully on board and agree to a pet.

There’s no compromise here.

I know a lot of "doggy" people who say they don't like cats. It's sort of like being a "Beatles" or a "Stones" fan, apparently you can't be both. They wear it as a sort of badge of honour. Having said that though, is he just a misogynistic control freak? Is he like this about other things? If you did get a cat (and sorry to ask this) but would he be unkind to it do you think? Personally, I'd probably trade him in for the unconditional love of a cat.

There are certain decisions that have to be unanimous in a family.

Nobody is more important than anybody else.

In the case of getting a cat or a dog the whole family need to agree.

Oh ffs

My dh was non committal so i took him & the 2 DC to visit super cute 5/6 week old kitties. They climbed all over him and looked in his eyes to plead with him to be taken home. He could not deny our 2& 4 years olds one when they'd already fallen head over heels.

She's been the best cat ever, is brilliant with the kids and DH is a massive softie for her.

GET YOUR KITTY

@Billydavey 'Oh ffs'

The OP wrote 'Honestly think he may have said no because it’s not his idea / just because he likes to have control.'

That to me is a red flag that goes beyond the specific cat issue.

So park the faux outrage and look at the bigger picture...

Being single/not restricting life for someone else has its advantages.
Wanting animals would be a conversation on an early date tbh.

"I wanted a cat but my ex-husband didn't so I divorced him, broke up our family and only get to see my children every other week" would be an excellent conversation to lead with on a first date. It'd give your date fair warning that you're a complete loon.

🤣

“Oh you’re on mumsnet I presume” would be my response…

i dont see why everyone in the family has to agree to get a cat. usually what we said was that the person/people who wanted the animal would also be the person/people who then had to be responsible for the animal's care. i don't see why the person who doesn't want the animal, should get final say and judgement instead of the person who does. and i love cats!

Because the cat doesn’t stop leaving its fur on your clothes or scratching the sofa or leaving fur balls or stink poop just because someone else is the person feeding it or hovering up after it.

A cat or dog or hell a parrot cannot exist in a home without having some impact on the others living there even they don’t personally care for it.

Its not an ornament or a book it moves and smells and makes noises and requires funds to keep it.

I'm starting to see why so many women with cats are single.

yes wellingtonspie. obviously. that's why it's a compromise

There is no way in hell you can guarantee that throughout all the lifespan of a cat (about 18 years) you the cat lover will be the sole carer. What if you have the flu and spend in bed a few days? Are you going to leave the bed to clean the shit and feed it? Work trips? Nights out? How is going to look after the animal when that happens?
So yes, if one of the parents is not on board, the animal should not be admitted into the household.

Yes so the deal is don’t get a living animal that will affect the lives of people who don’t want one.

You leave and find someone who also wants a cat dog rabbit or pony.

Same as babies there is no compromise really it’s yes or no. Only an arsehole would force a yes on a no.

How is that a compromise? That’s just those who want a pet getting exactly what they want.

It does affect the whole family though. I wouldn't want a cat in my house, I don't like them, I don't want the smell, you can't just ignore it when it's there on your furniture and wandering about. The family finances will be affected with insurance and food costs, vet bills etc. If you want to go on holiday, you have to sort out pet care and pay for that. It doesn't just affect one or two people in the house.

I do think all parties need to be on board to bring a pet into the house. Might be slightly easier for one adult to avoid having anything to do with a cat I guess but still, everyone should want it.

However, i also think of you want one, your husband should be a little more open to exploring the idea rather than a flat no with no research of any kind.
It might still be a no at the end but I'd be happier with a well rationales no than a thoughtless no.

How do you know it's a thoughtless no?

I quick answer doesn't necessarily mean a thoughtless one.

I know my own mind on many issues and wouldn't need long to give an answer that would be definite and unchanging

To the people saying ‘Just foster some kittens for a few weeks, he’ll change his mind…’

What if he doesn’t, and what if it’s longer than a few weeks? Most of my fosters were with me for months.

Foster cats aren’t allowed outside, so litter trays are a given & everyone has to remember to keep windows & outside doors closed / secured.

You have to be open to potential new owners visiting, plus the rescue checking on their cats.

My kids and DH wore me down asking for a cat, pleading for about a year.

We got one 3 weeks ago.

I hate it

Immeasurably

@EmpressaurusDelleGatte ok, a thoughtless response! He has just given the OP "no" which is a little selfish (in my opinion). She at least deserves a proper conversation about it as they share a life. Anything that affects the people you live with deserves a proper conversation rather than just no.