To want DH to say yes to a cat!

[Fluffyballofwool]

Me and the kids (13, 10) really really want a cat. DH doesn’t. He’s not allergic or anything. Just says he doesn’t want one. Didn’t grow up with cats so ‘can’t see the point’. So it’s a no. We can’t have one.

I feel he is being selfish and doesn’t have a strong enough reason why not. It’s making me very unhappy! The kids and I adore cats.

If it was the other way around and he wanted a dog (he grew up with them) I would say yes. I don’t want a dog but if it made DH happy then there’s no question.

AIBU to feel he’s being unnecessarily stubborn?!

I feel like this is about your husband not giving you what you want. The cat is a bit of a red herring.

Maybe look into what the underlying problem is and go from there. Forget about the cat for a while and work on your relationship.

DH never wanted a cat. Never saw the point of them as they don't "do anything" (his words!).

We now have three cats and I caught him sharing his roast chicken with them at the weekend

He doesn't want a cat. That's the perfect reason to say no. But this is mumsnet where cat lovers say everyone must love cats so I'm sure you will get plenty of validation.

Everyone has to be on board with bringing a cat into the family. Cats are important to me, so I have always made sure anyone I was romantically involved with was, at the very least, amicably tolerant of them. I come as a package with cats. I would be ditching any husband who wasn't in agreement but I don't suppose you want to go down that road! 😁

Thing is people do change. They may not like the idea of a cat, but the reality is very different

DH is not a pet person particularly. But we have always had various pets and they are mainly my responsibility, fish, hamsters, guineas, cats

He is allergic to cats...... But, we have always had cats, and actually over time he now absolutely adores them. Over the years we have had several, and even extra cats for holidays while my DM went away. His only rule, is not on his bed, or on him, so fine, and he had to take antihistamines for a while with some of the cats. One had to be rehomed as it gave him asthma. Our current cat, a Bengal cross is his favourite.

Never had a cat destroy furniture, or climb curtains. Yes to fur, mud and creatures, but you just clean those away.

No please don't get one. It will make what should be a lovely companionable pet into a constant source of tension. Not fair on the cat or the family member who didn't want it.

It will also affect your holiday/going out arrangements.

At the same time he can't just say no, he should give a reason even if it's "I don't want the hassle".

I love cats, have always had at least one over the past 44 years.

Cats live for, on, average, 17 years. Your kids will be adults and might have left home by then.
They get health problems as they age, which can be very costly.

Instead of thinking of how you want a cat, how about thinking of what you can do to help a cat? A rescue cat, I mean.

I took in a stray 7 weeks ago, one that I'd been leaving food outside for, whenever it turned up. Had him neutered, chipped and cheked over last Monday. He had to have 9 teeth out, a course of antibiotics, 2 lots of daily medicines, a special diet, and then a blood test showed he's got FIV (cat equivalent of HIV). He's my cat now, and I'll take care of him for the rest of his life, but he's already cost me almost £800 in one week. Having an animal is a huge commitment if you do it properly.

Cats do not all destroy all furniture and they do not all go mad for all the food.

Some do some of those things, some do others and some do neither.

We had no intention of having cats, especially my OH as he'd never had a pet and I was allergic. Fortunately when we moved here, one lovely cat decided to move in, 3 kittens lost their mum so we semi adopted them and then their cousins moved in once weaned and we have a cat collective in the garden with the select few that aren't bonkers moving into the house as they get socialised. My OH is the biggest softie with the original cat, and it was him that let him sleep over the first time.

OP your kids live there too, and having pets is very good for them. So don't stop whining about it. They will get so much out of it - having ours has completely changed our lives for the better.

I got two kittens recently that DH wasn’t keen on getting. I told him that I would do absolutely everything for them (which I do). He absolutely adores them now, carrying them round the house like babies.

Ha, similar here - DC and I were desperate for a cat, DH was all 'No way, I'm not a cat person, don't like them at all.' Eventually he said okay get a cat but I'm having nothing to do with it. We adopted a little 3 year old girl cat and within days she was snuggled on his knee and he was smitten. Then we added a boy who likes DH to carry him round like a baby and to whom he's equally devoted. Cats have a way of doing that!!

Our new kitten is driving my insane and I wanted her. She is the I don’t have a brain cell but I’m going to climb the curtains and knock off shit because I’m chasing my own tail on the window ledge / coffee table type. I can’t imagine how much more annoying that would be if you didn’t even want the thing to start with.

Also disagree with the just get one or that it’s cruel to say no to getting one when someone so badly wants one. It’s the same as a baby. Two yesses. The No trumps the yes and you don’t need a good enough reason. Just not wanting one is a good enough reason.

We don’t go on but why don’t you want a child to childless couples, unless you’re a rude person. You accept no not for me.

That works both ways. Dh doesn't want a pet so having one would make him unhappy. Doesn't op love her husband ? Doesn't she want him to be happy?

Yabu, my family want a dog, I reeeeeally don't because of the overall commitment and I won't move on that because I feel so strongly and value the spontaneity we enjoy atm. You all have to agree on pets imo or not get one.

My husband was exactly the same but he saw how much me and my daughter wanted one, and he agreed.
He loves the cat but doesn't get involved in feeding him etc. (only if I'm away) but that's fine.

I don't think it's emotional blackmail to put forward the point that the children are really keen to have a cat, and denying them the opportunity to have a childhood pet, which is generally a life enhancing thing, for no actual reason he can explain seems slightly unfair.

Me and the kids wanted a cat but DH was dead set against it even though we have begged. He just isn't a cat person, despite having one as a child. I don't think it helps that the families we know who have cats don't keep a very hygienic home and he thinks this is partly because of the cat (and yes, I KNOW that this is not most people with pets!)

We cat sat for a couple of weeks and ended up getting fleas in our home, so there is literally 0 chance we will ever get a cat now. I can't believe some people are saying "just get one anyway", that wouldn't fly if the OP was talking about a dog.

Better to ask for forgiveness than permission 🙈 get the cat and deal with dh afterwards

How does he know it would make him unhappy though? OP says he 'can't see the point' of having one, not that he actually hates them or anything. So why not accept the majority of the family do see the point and let them crack on. He doesn't have to actively care for it if he doesn't want to.

And what if the child really wanted a sibling. Both parents are fertile so it would be terrible to deny the child the life enhancing experience and life experience of a sibling…..

But that's not the situation so...irrelevant really.

its the same type of situation. So completely relevant. Cats are not some short lived 2 year pet kept purely in a cage or tank.

Your basing it on good for the child, child should experience. Child wants.

OK so they get the cat and it turns out that it does make him really unhappy. Then what? Rehome it ? Thought not 🤔

I know exactly what cats are, thanks, I have two of my own. I know exactly how much love, comfort and entertainment they've given our family over the years and think it's a shame that the OP's family miss out on that. The Dad has decided they can't have one because he 'doesn't see the point'. Mum and kids therefore have to go without. (Not sure if you missed the fact that OP really wants a cat too, so we're not talking a simple case of demanding kids here).

Nope, I would rehome the miserable sod instead tbh.

So maybe you're not best placed to be offering advice on this thread then?