To want DH to say yes to a cat!

[Fluffyballofwool]

Me and the kids (13, 10) really really want a cat. DH doesn’t. He’s not allergic or anything. Just says he doesn’t want one. Didn’t grow up with cats so ‘can’t see the point’. So it’s a no. We can’t have one.

I feel he is being selfish and doesn’t have a strong enough reason why not. It’s making me very unhappy! The kids and I adore cats.

If it was the other way around and he wanted a dog (he grew up with them) I would say yes. I don’t want a dog but if it made DH happy then there’s no question.

AIBU to feel he’s being unnecessarily stubborn?!

Why isn't "I don't want a cat" a sufficient reason?

But there is an obvious reason to say no.

He doesn't want one. That's his reason -discussion ends.

My post was clearly in jest.

Get one of each

What do you mean there is no obvious reason to say no?
There are plenty of reasons to say not to owning a cat :

• Daily feeding and litter maintenance
• Vet visits and health costs
• Potential for allergies or scratches
• Damage to furniture
• ...and many more

i think the point was @GoldCat255 , that despite the very obvious and varied reasons to say no, the OP's husband didn't cite a single one of them.

Simply 'I don't see the point'.

If he genuinely is unbothered by any of the cons of owning a cat and simply doesn't understand why anyone else would enjoy owning a cat, then that seems pretty unpleasant of him to deny that pleasure to those he lives with.

You say it’s a control thing? That makes him sound rather awful.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a cat than have him?

But OP's husband hasn't said anything about any of that, he just "can't see the point" in getting a cat.

Doesn’t sound like it would be much of a loss from what OP has posted…

We had two cats, DH wasn't really keen but he was their favourite. Unfortunately they are no longer with us and he doesn't want another one. I keep nagging him as do the kids. He's said maybe next year (I don't believe him) but I'm really hoping he will.
I've said I'll do everything for the cats (like last time) so it won't really affect him .

None of which he mentioned in his rationale for refusing.

Because in a relationship it's give and take. There's no such thing as 'discussion ends'
Do the opinions of the children or his wife (i.e the majority) not count ? He's their husband/father not some autocrat..

I don't think one person should have the final say, you & your children count. Were there valid & good reasons for not having a pet then fine, at least you can discuss it.

But him shutting you down just sounds really controlling & unreasonable.

Examples -

DH didn't want a cat, DS3 desperately did after we lost our ancient cat who was his companion. Eventually the misery of DS3 far outweighed DH being stubborn. We have a cat.

DH, DS2 & DS3 want the dishwasher & washing machine moved into the house from the garage. I REALLY don't cos of the noise. But once DS2 cast his vote I relented.

Do you have a cat rehoming centre near you OP? They are often looking for people to foster kittens temporarily until they are ready to go to new homes.

This experience might work out for you - you & your kids get to play with some kittens for a few weeks and your husband just might come to like the little blighters! If not, they go back anyway so no permanent change to the household. This seems like a compromise, or a place to start at least?

Who makes him the boss of you and your kids? If you and the kids will care for the cat it doesn't need to concern him. Cats are largely independent anyway not like dogs that don't like spending time on their own.

Not allowed to even discuss it. You are living with a dictator.

So if your husband showed up with a random animal one day because he and the kids wanted it, you'd be A ok with it? Because you're not the boss of him?

So you’d let your children have deciding votes on a new car? A new sibling as in insisting on one? Family wedding invite.. vote nah we anit going? Nope not going on holiday this year mother… and nor are you! 😅

Or does there vote only count on things you don’t care about too much say dishwasher or things you want and the other half doesn’t…

Only on mn would people suggest that someone ends their marriage over a cat.

I’m sure the kids will welcome their new step parents and step siblings, will be happy to come from a broken home. After all they’ll have a cat.

I love cats but we live in a fairly busy road and I don’t believe cats should be locked in so we can’t. My daughter has house cats and despite a scratch pad, cat tower et. They’ve destroyed her sofa so there’s that to consider.

I think it is quite selfish of your husband to prevent your kids from enjoying having a pet and learning about caring for animals.

If it is a 'control' issue it is rather worrying...and not something I would put up with.

I would ditch the partner and get the cat...

You got it all wrong, lovely.
I think he is being grounded and levelheaded by not giving in to OP's emotional blackmail and teaching their children how to be assertive and put their foot down.

Chill, Winston. There’s no emotional blackmail, the kids have been told no and I’m backing DH up on that. Doesn’t mean I have to agree with him though.

And he won’t be ‘putting his foot down’ because we don’t live in the 1970s.

Why does his opinion count for more than OP's? Is he her boss? Her owner?

Yeah, of course you would.

Honestly the shite some people spout on here.

Because of course you’d end your marriage, become a single parent, only see your kids half the time, so you can own a cat which could go out and get run over the first time it leaves the house.

Of course you would.

Not.