Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

Do you not also give gifts?
We have some gifts from Santa and some from us.

Mine write a list but anything really expensive I have always redirected and said santa doesn't bring really expensive things (or things he knows there is no space for - looking at you Barbie Dream house!!)

Also I think that one day they will know that Sants is parents and so will know that the credit is for parents in a roundabout way!!

We had Father Christmas presents in the morning when they woke up and then everything else was labelled under the tree with who it was from. Maybe give her the usual stocking tat and then say, oh look this is for you from Mum and Dad.

We’ve always gone with the narrative that stockings are from Father Christmas and actual gifts from us- same when I was a child.
if I were you I’d get the present if you’d get it for her anyway, and thank Father Christmas. One day, one present won’t determine if she’s grateful and appreciates hard work and the cost of things.

When mine was little everything was from father Xmas.

Now at 9, we say the stocking is from him and everything else is from us. I want the credit for the big presents too 😆

8 is still very much in the realms of believing in Father Christmas. I'd let her enjoy her last few years. If as you said you can afford it and she isn't spoilt, don't ruin it.

I'm not sure why you have this thing about getting the credit. I understand it for outside of Christmas like birthdays, or other material stuff but Christmas just seems strange as very soon she will know it's not real and you can be more direct with her.

Parents give Santa money towards the gifts. That way Santa doesn’t get all the credit and it helps explain why some children get a lot more than others.

You get the credit eventually when they discover Santa isn't real further down the line. The whole "I don't get the credit" just sounds so...I don't know, self fulfilling or something.

Just keep it as is. I know all the Santa gifts I got as a youngster was actually my parents. It's not a big deal.

We went with what I had as a kid - Santa (I'm in Scotland!) brings your stocking and one medium kind of gift, not the main one. So it's something like a cuddly toy (or this year DD1 has asked for a slime kit from Santa). The rest of the gifts are from me and her dad, family, etc.

My lovely nieces believed in father Christmas genuinely until about 12 years old. Sorry to all people who give their children a very literal belief in all this, but I think it's nuts to go along with the whole phoney Christmas story, there's enough magical things about the time of year without pretending an elderly man sneaks into your home having himself purchased gifts for well behaved youngsters. I did go along with it for nieces sakes but my children always knew it was a fairy story like many others.

Perhaps just introduce the idea that mum and dad have to actually pay for the presents in the first place, like Santa then accepts and delivers the present orders like a giant northern Argos depot.

We always said that the elves make the gifts Father Christmas brings so that meant they were things that could be ‘made” and would be stocking fillers which were left at the end if the bed. Their main big presents from mummy daddy auntie uncle etc etc were under the tree in the front room.

I’ve never understood the Father Christmas brings everything story, how do you explain other gifts yours to husband grandparents to the children or to you ? It also teaches them about giving as well as receiving. My children were given a budget from well birth I suppose! And they helped or chose to gifts they gave to people. I have one wonderful memory of my 2 year old son clutching a bird house he was buying for daddy he was adamant daddy would love it, he carried it all the way home. 30 years later we still have it, looks sad and well loved but yes daddy loves it.

in answer to your question, you either suck it up and buy the gift if you can afford it. Or introduce a new system of family giving and receiving gifts.

Stocking are from Father Christmas and presents under the tree from parents.

not all parents can afford Xboxes, phones and the expensive stuff under the tree so it would be hard to explain to a child why Father Christmas put those things under their best friends tree but not yours.

I just find this so strange.

Just tell her it's from you and get her something small from father Christmas, if she asks why that gift isn't from him, come up with whatever excuse, too heavy for his sleigh, too many children wanted them and he ran out...etc

Or tell her the truth.

I avoided all of this crap with both my kids by telling them all gifts come from parents, family and friends. My son will probably be the kid at school to tell everyone that Santa isn't real and will upset 29 other children.

Personally, I find it really odd that so many people give all the credit to some imaginary figure just because of the Christmas "magic".

When I was growing up, FC did the stockings and everything else was from mum and dad - as it should be imo, they paid for and organised it all!

Honestly I don’t really get this. I see a lot of people say it but imo surely the point of gifts for anyone including santa gifts is the reaction and joy, not the credit!
When children are young enough for Santa then they are too young to truly appreciate cost and how much you needed to work to afford that value anyway.

Yep, here Father Christmas fills the stockings. And it’s bits and bobs, a new book, new felt pens, chocolate coins, novelty Christmas socks etc.
anything else is from whoever bought it. And thus the children are expected to give appropriate thanks to that person. Including mum and dad…

why not just say Father Christmas only brings stockings and when they were little it was easier for you to say Santa bought it all. But now she’s old enough to understand mum and dad buy the big stuff.
how old is she?

How old is your child?

We've always gone with the idea that father Christmas brings some gifts and some are from us. Even though DS is only 4 he would have been confused if there were no presents from us and yet we brought everyone else some. I'm genuinely surprised she hasn't questioned why you don't get her a present before now.

If you can afford it and want to buy it then I would label it from you and her dad and change the narrative that all gifts are from father Christmas.

Going against the grain on this one

But I just don't get why parents think it's ok to lie to their children about this, just be honest with her. You can still pretend.

If she's old enough to articulate this to you, then you're taking the mick lying to her like this IMO

My DC think Father Christmas is a magical version of Amazon. Parents send him the money and he delivers the gifts by sleigh.

I remember reading on here once about someone who would take the gift labels off presents given by family members as they were so obsessed with their 'Santa brings everything!' narrative!

DD1 is 5 and already sceptical about it all and I won't lie to her if she asks me, so not sure how long we have. But really I think the magic of Christmas doesn't rely on Santa anyway. A stocking appearing on bottom of your bed filled with cool stuff is magical no matter how it got there. So we don't really lean too heavily on the whole Santa thing. He's a minor part of Christmas.

We always did stocking gifts from Father Christmas and main presents from us. Possibly a bit late now without her realising. Can you ask her friend's parents what their story around gifts is? If they have everything from him I think you might have to too. Alternatively you could say he only brings all the presents for little children but when they get older the parents buy some of them.

I have an almost 8 year old and used to follow similar, in part because we don’t do big Xmas gifts as family - we are not Christian (not that you need to be but we gift the when we have our religious festivals as well as at birthdays). Living here, we’ve always done Father Christmas and celebrated with their friends

As the present requests started to get bigger this year, I explained Father Christmas doesn’t do expensive gifts, they need to ask for something more appropriate and put that on the list for us. We will decide if we can afford it. I honestly think this is the last year of believing anyway

We do stocking and one medium present from Santa. The main present and other things are from us. So far it's worked they are 3 and 6 years old.

It’s an interesting one that’s been the topic of conversation at the baby groups I go to with my daughter. When I was little everything was from Santa, but a lot of the parents at baby groups are saying they will be doing stocking from Santa and actual/big presents from mum and dad with the reasoning that once school age you could have one 6 year old in a class who got an iPad, a new bike and a pile of toys from Santa while another 6 year old who’s parents don’t have the money got some socks and a selection box from Santa and that would be sad and seem unfair.

I do not understand the sheer investment some parents have in their children actually, literally believing in Santa. That isn't the 'magic'. The 'magic' is in time to be together, anticipation, atmosphere, a shared experience, expressions of thought and love. We've always been very clear, in a low-key way, that Santa is a nice game, a lovely pretend play like all the many children and sometimes adults do. Then none of the angst about whether they still believe and none of this nonsense about 'getting the credit' (which also seems an odd way of thinking about it, tbh) arises.