Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

I also think you sort of have to let them ponder & draw logical conclusions about it when they get to age 7/8, its perfectly normal for them to quietly realise its a bit of pretend fun and carry on enjoying it.

When our children were at an age where they still believed in Father Christmas but school age we started to say that Father Christmas still brought the presents but that we had to send him money in advance to pay for them. It helped us explain to them that this was why some children got more presents than others and that for children who were not lucky enough to have mums/dads that could afford any presents then we sent an extra bit of money to send something to these children. It definitely helped keep the magic, whilst starting to help them understand that they didn’t really come for ‘free’ and that we should also think of others less fortunate.

My children never once questioned why others had different Father Christmas experiences to them.

We used to tell our kids that we sent money to Santa to buy what he needed for the elves to make the gifts. Can you let your Daughter know that you have to help with the cost of presents now as there are so many children in the world, & he's a bit skint with the COL crisis (😀) & so you'll send him money to help buy her gifts. At 8 she'll understand the value of things a bit better & will know her gifts are from you & Santa now.

One year when my dc were primary age they weren't sure what they wanted so we persuaded them to ask for "a surprise!". We'd always said no to gaming systems but we had thought they might like a Wii (this was back in 2008 I think).

So they duly asked for a surprise and Christmas morning was epic!

I'm sure we got a couple of extra years of Santa out of it. I never worried about "credit", the excitement and joy of that moment are etched on my mind forever.

Now they're all in early 20s and just want money. Still expect a stocking, though!!

We say that Santa brings your stocking and one other gift - something that you would really like but not too expensive so that Santa has more money to go around for kids who really need it. Think this will be the last year they believe.

I don't think an 8 year old would appreciate you worked hard for the gift. You might get the credit you want with a nice thank you but that will just be from the manners you have taught her. Genuine appreciation for what parents do for us comes much later so I wouldn't factor that in to the decision. Nor would I think about her thinking you've lied to her, you already have lied and she will know that in a couple of years.

My parents lied to me about Santa. I'm so pleased they did, as they were the most magical Christmases ever!

We do one present from Santa. Everything else comes from named source. I wish everyone was the same. Breaks my heart to see a child from a less wealthy home at school after the holidays, comparing gifts and wondering why Santa does not like them enough to bring them an iPad/playstation etc like their pal got. If everyone just got one smaller gift from Santa it would be more realistic and keep the magic alive for all the children, not just those who can afford it.

Also children aren’t stupid. When they figure it out they connect the dots that they were littler and parents did it to give them a magical time, a realisation aided by the fact that now they know it’s not half as much fun anymore.

As a small child I was told that my parents sent the presents to Santa and he delivered them on Christmas Eve. Best of both worlds, as I had the magic of discovering Santa had come, but also understood it wasn’t limitless asks!

We have always told the kids that we send money to santa so that he can buy the stuff needed to make the presents. That way the kids still believe santa brings them but that we also have to give money to him for them.

Seriously what's the point in that? Do utilitarian and no magic, cut out the middle man .

The magic of Christmas is still there, santa still comes

We do the same as a poster above, we say we send Father Christmas money and he brings the presents. The children still find it really magical as they get surprise presents plus the short list they have made for Father Christmas.

This means they understand why they don’t get a PlayStation 5 when one of their friends does but they also still come down to a big Christmas morning reveal of presents under the tree.

I completely agree with this. In fact I'm a bit saddened by some of the reactions! God, your children are only going to believe for a few years. My magical memories of Christmas involved the excitement of writing my list and wondering what Santa would pick off it. And I still remember that feeling of excitement heading off to bed on Christmas eve. Let them enjoy that! Who cares who gets the credit for the presents?! (what an odd way of looking at it imo). They'll understand soon enough (when they no longer believe) just how amazing you are, all the hard work you've put into earning the money to buy those presents etc etc 🙄. Let them be kids and enjoy it.

I have never wanted the credit for my kids gifts; what I have wanted is for them to understand why not all children get what they want. From nursery age they have talked about Christmas with their friends, some of whom got nothing for Christmas. It has always been important for them to understand the concept of not boasting about presents and not making other kids feel like Father Christmas has forgotten them.

But why the need for Santa and not amazon?

We say that Mammy and Daddy save pennies and pass the money to Santa along with the list of things we’d like making by the elves, but he’ll only bring them if he thinks she has been a good girl. She is only 4.5 though so quite easily convinced

To keep it magical, my youngest children do not know what amazon is but they sure as hell know who santa is.

I think a letter from the chief elf might work, saying that as children grow up Santa gradually brings fewer gifts, this is why adults don't get anything from Santa.

But parents still want their children to have lots of new things so this year Santa will bring the 'Santa gifts' and then other adults will bring them gifts they have bought.

The magic of Santa us not as a delivery person though. It's in him knowing and bringing the toys you secretly wish for.

That part of the magic is still there, I only "send" money santa does everything else. Their list goes to santa.

It’s not much of a secret if you’ve written a him a list with your name and address on, is it? I can’t see what’s magic about that.