Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

In our family Father Christmas only gives stocking fillers. Sometimes not cheap, like makeup for my teenage daughter, but the rule is they must fit in the stocking, along with nuts, chocolates, a sugar mouse and a satsuma. Large and valuable presents come from us.

40 years ago, when we were kids, my mum and dad were on benefits and didn't have much money, but they created a magical story about Christmas and Santa that we accepted without question and absolutely loved. They told us they’d buy the presents and then would send them off to Santa and his elves, who would wrap them up and deliver them to us on Christmas Eve. We’d get a few extra surprises directly from Santa, but most of the presents were from them. This kept our expectations in check, too: we’d have one big present, and the rest was ‘you get what you given kinda thing.’

It also gave them a really clever cover story if we stumbled across any hidden gifts - like the time I found my bike hiding behind the wardrobe in their bedroom or spotted dolls and board games in a bag in the spare room. Us 3 girls were expert snoopers! Now I have children of my own, I tell them similar. Its hard enough at Xmas without Santa's taking all the credit haha xxx

Explain that now she's older and wants an expensive present tell her that the elves only make smaller cheaper presents

Santa only had room in that sledge for one present for each child In the world to get a present. All the other stuff came from family friends and us.

My kids are told that we give Santa money for the presents and he delivers them except one which is from Santa. I do this because I don’t want my kids going into school saying they got an expensive gift while another child whose parents may not have the money to spare gets a lot less. The child would wonder why Santa gives some kids expensive presents and others don’t get as much. The present from Santa is always usually around the £30 mark

I think stockings from Father Christmas then all the other presents from the people who send them. They can then be taught to say thank you to the various Grandparents and other friends and relations who give them gifts. Another way would be for Father Christmas to deliver the presents but they still know who actually gave them to them. It’s important that they learn to say thank you and appreciate that someone has got them for them. Also from a young age to buy presents even if it is only a bar of chocolate or something from a bazaar or charity shop. Sometimes what the6 can buy will be well “unusual “ but if they think that is what the person wants then so be it.

Kids only understand/believe in Santa for about 6 years, I’d give him the credit IF you can afford it. In a few years they’ll realise that it was you that gave them the gifts.

We have always done stockings from Santa, with a few of the smaller/cheaper items from their lists included and main gifts from us. Would it work to maybe explain to your older one that Santa doesn’t bring expensive gifts and that now they are a little bit older that you and dad may get them some items off their list as well so Santa is able to give gifts to every child? It’s a tricky one c

In our house Santa has always done stockings (DS now 23 and 20 so not so relevant now). Stockings have pants/socks/chocolate/low cost items etc in them. We always had a budget. As they got older the Xmas gift in total budget was no more that £200 per child (we have 2).
my 2 always wrote a list but never asked for expensive things. We have a large income and financially stable but just didn’t ever portray this on our children. This year we have said we will be gifting experiences instead of material gifts as no one really needs more “stuff”. Me and DH are now deciding what “experience” would be fun for them!!

I always told them that they can write a list but the parents send Santa a budget so he has to choose gifts based on that and Santa basically just delivers them. Santa has never been credited in our house for being the gift buyer/giver. I did this because we’ve never been massively well off. Some of their friends get really expensive presents. Parents have told me about their £500 limit etc. Mine varies year to year but I’ve tended to go a max of £100 for the main present from me. They year they wanted Nintendo switches for example I went halves with my mum and we told the kids that the more expensive presents would have from mum and gran. They even helped me on year bag up all their old toys and clean them so I could sell them and send the money to Santa for their new presents.

They’ve always made a list. I’ve generally shared their list with family so they get most things and the labels will say who bought them. I’ve alway was tried hard to keep presents hidden until I put them out on Xmas eve. So I collect from the family secretly.

My other reason for this is they also have friends worse off than us. Or see things on TV. Or ask why we are making show boxes. If Santa provided all the presents then surely everyone would be equal. We’ve always tried to give to charity around Xmas. So Santa the delivery guy has always been the best story for us.

I did the Santa thing until son asked me why did I give rubbish presents, but Santa does the best one. Slowly altered the reality….

I've never understood this mentality.

What credit do you want? She can't understand money like you said so do you want her accompanying you to work and watch you work the hours to earn it then hug you and say thanks?

Surley her delight at getting the gift is the credit?

Yes elves make gifts but some years they may decide it's actually best for a child not to get the gift they may have too many orders and can't make them all.
They substitute.

Mine wrote lists and the aim was to get one gift, any more was a bonus with lots of surprises.

Start from this year saying the big presents are from you and the little ones are from santa

I would just go along with it you don’t have long left, probably a year at most before she stops believing. Forget taking ‘credit’.

I think there’s way too much overthinking on this thread.

None of it makes sense - not how he gets all round the world in a sleigh in 24 hours, not how reindeer can fly, not how everyone’s stuff fits in a single sleigh. Just none of it.

But that’s the point: it’s fantasy, it’s odd to start snipping the corners of the fantasy with prosaic financial explanations. That’s not how children think. And when they are thinking that way, maybe they are getting too big.
But truthfully I think most children just want to turn a blind eye and live the magic.

I used to tell mine that yes, Father Christmas brings the presents, but we get the bill. Worked for many years. Never actually told them that Father Christmas was just a nice idea, they found out by themselves. Not actually completely convinced until they were about 10 though!

You've sold your kids the Santa story you have to suck up the consequences

I used to tell my kids that their mummy and daddy and all their relatives bought the presents and sent them to santa so that he could deliver them with all the other children's on Christmas eve, this kept the magical presence of Santa without them thinking that there was no cost involved. The elves still made the toys but someone had to pay them to do that.

Tell her the truth. At 8 I found out there was no Santa through a friend and felt so stupid and babyish for still believing.

My children are 13 & 11 now so they don’t believe in FC anymore. However they wouldn’t say that to us as they would still like to get presents from FC and they still love their kindness elves visiting during advent as well. Anyway we always said that Fc brought the gifts in their stockings but we / other family give them the gifts that are under the tree. we say that he brings the sort of gifts that the parents allow - we don’t do tech really in our family so he would never bring them an iPhone for example, or a games console, not that they’ve ever asked for anything like that. They have had very expensive gifts (sports equipment or toys) but those come from us not from Father Christmas. I don’t recall the children ever comparing gifts with their friends particularly though, as they go back to school so long after Christmas it’s sort of out of their minds by then.

When mine believed - They worked get a gift from Mum&Dad, too. We would give them some money to buy one another a gift and explain that it's not the money, but the thought that counts. They were wrapping up a little bit of love for one another and putting it beneath the tree - Even if it's from a second hand shop, or something they've made for one another because we can also be as kind as the elves. This worked out nicely, because my son (11) will take his pocket money to the shops, pop into the charity shop and buy everyone a little gift instead of spending it on himself. Therefore, there is a lesson to be learned in teaching your children that gifts beneath the tree can also be from the ones who love you most; whether they are new, 2nd hand, or made for you.

Re: Santa injustice, I semi-caught when a girl in my P1 class got one of those plastic bags filled with knock-off She Ra colouring books and rubbers that didn't rub and shitey felt pens that split almost immediately - while another got a battery-powered Benz and a fur coat (ah the eighties).

It didn't seem to me like a thing Santa would do (on reflection I had maybe also conflated Santa's value system with that of Jesus, due to a religious upbringing, lots of chat about the true meaning of Christmas etc). It obviously didn't occur to my mum to say yes cos the local celebrity parents paid for the beemer (probably knowing she'd end up dragged by me into a why vortex) so instead she just did a significant face and said 'well, why do you think Santa brought some people much more than others?' That made me feel weirdly guilty (and I didn't ever even get close to an electric BMW, still, there's always this year haha). I never enjoyed it as much afterwards cos it had ended up being made about fairness - and my parents. They were not ungenerous, I got the a la Carte kitchen (peaked at four, sad) but once I knew it wasn't Santa it always felt a bit more... weighted? All in all it was better when it just all fell down the chimney and I didn't know or give a shit about what anyone else got.

DD had it all cracked wide open at six - her gran wrote 'from Santa' on all their tags in her very recognisable handwriting. I tried to come
up with some sort of seasonal elf-admin role for Gran but DD has always been a relentless truth-seeker and clearly knew I was busking, badly. The elder never mentioned not believing. I asked when he was about ten what he thought about Santa and he said he didn't want to spoil it for his little sister but he'd known for years. His personal discovery arose from it all just seeming 'a bit unlikely.' Logistics, basically.

Maybe by the time the next generation arrive we will get our stories straight 😂

Hi op at this age we used to say do your list and let them know we sent fc the money this stopped anything we could not afford and they still believed until they were old enough not to.

FC doesn't bring everything in our house. He brings stocking and a couple odmf small/medium gifts. Rest is from me and family. My daughter knows Father Christmas doesn't bring anything extravagant, she's 6.

As soon as mine were school age i started shifting the messaging. We'd always described it as father christmas delivering and have steadily focussed more and more on:

• talking them about giving and what they'd like to give others
• father christmas filling the stocking and this being inexpensive surprises

There's no writing long wish lists in our house. You write & tell father christmas you've been good/kind.

I find it helps if you restrict their exposure to advertising. If they aren't quite aware it exists they don't pester for it.