Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

And don't think it's only a couple of years, Sen kids/siblings can make it last years.

We’ll be doing a stocking full of little treats and things that mummy and daddy wouldn’t usually buy like whoopee cushions/certain sweets/plastic tat and one “main” gift from Father Christmas. Sorry to sound pious but I think Christmas is a good opportunity to teach children not to be greedy and think of others so we’ll be taking the line of “remember Father Christmas has to make gifts for all the children in the world so he can’t get everything off your list” along with some gentle guidance about how XYZ is very expensive and maybe you can ask for something else and ask mummy and daddy for the expensive thing. The elves also can’t make electricals! I think it’s important for kids to learn you don’t just automatically get everything you want just because you ask.

I must say I find the idea of parents sending money to Father Christmas very odd indeed.

I find the concept of not getting credit for the gift quite strange.
Growing up, FC brought everything. We weren't brats, we always appreciated it and found it magical. We always thanked FC and marvelled at how brilliant it all was. My mum felt immense joy from hearing us thanking him, knowing in reality those joyful thanks were really for her. Once we became teenagers/adults, we have been able to properly thank our parents for the effort and expense of Christmases past.
I've done the same with my kids, everything is from FC, and I would rather they had a magical time for a few short years of believing.
FC's gifts aren't super extravagant though, the pile isn't huge, and the kids are used to asking for just one thing alongside the stocking and a few other little bits. Obviously there is still a degree of privilege in largely being able to provide the wished-for gift.

We never had the Father Christmas isn’t real conversation and my kids never asked me so I just carried the story on and on.
A few months ago I made a comment to my son about someone else still believing in Santa. I realised my mistake and said “But of course you know he’s real don’t you?” To my 18 year old! He smiled and said “Yes mum.” 😂

1 Leave it as it is and in years to come she will know everything came from you

2 label it from you and everything else from father christmas. possibly write a note from fc saying that he knew you had already got it

3 change the whole narrative but age 8 it's probably a bit late for that. you are likely to only have 1 or 2 more Xmas where she believes

I genuinely don't get this - why would it be any less magical if children knew that mum and dad had brought some of the presents?

Surely no NT eight-year-old actually believes elves are making her toys?

I have always found it really important in not raising grabby kids to explain that everything costs money, money represents hours of mum or dad's time spent in earning it and doesn't come from nowhere. So when we say no it's not because we're being mean, it's because resources are finite. Attributing it all to FC who has nil logical financial limits wouldn't work for me.

Growing up we did stockings from Santa and rest from parents etc. DH won't even do the stockings from Santa so I don't really get the point of them and think he's a bit of a grouch about it, but w/e. I was raised with Christmas as a religious festival so that is where the magic and beauty of it was.

This is quite selfish in my opinion. Just let Santa take the credit and when she’s older and knows the truth about it all she’ll appreciate it. I got a baby grand piano one year when I still believed in Santa and it was the best present ever. I couldn’t believe he thought I had been so well behaved that that was was he brought me as I asked for it.

Years later when I found out i cried happy tears because I couldn’t believe my parents had done that for me. They were just happy at the time that I was so happy. Who the f cares who takes the credit as long as your child is happy??

It is shocking you only want to make her happy if you get the "credit" for it.

@Gerithegiraffe the presents for good behaviour thing is just repellant.

Not hugely helpful but Santa has always basically been Yodel. We buy the gifts and if you're good he delivers them with an extra from him.

Now you listen to me OP, you just wrestle that expensive present from Santa's grubby paws and you tell the fat bastard that he’s not taking credit for your hard earned expensive gifts! He can bring jigsaws, those little puzzles where you have to get the ball bearings in the little hole and water jet ringtoss things! Oh and those little wooden giraffes or donkeys, that when you press the bottom of their stand in they look like they faint! He can get credit for all that junk and you for the expensive thing, I’m still going on the assumption that he’s real!

People have taken the credit comment too far.
I obviously don't want the credit, and I've gone down the route of FC bringing everything for my DC since she was young. It's always been about a magical, family time - never about me gaining credit, or discussing money issues.
It's only just made me question what I've gone along with this year as DC is getting older, able to compare what her friends are getting or ask for more expensive gifts (I think this just naturally happens as they get older and interests change) .
My husband actually thinks I've thought too deeply about this and that we just keep going along with what we've said for years, as the time will come in the next few years where she finds out that FC isn't real and it was always her parents all along.

Thanks for the comments - I can't reply to all

Why?

I never understand people who worry about FC getting the credit for gifts- part of the magic is that he's able to grant wishes that your child believes you as parents couldn't or wouldn't?

Why do you need to be given recognition for providing gifts?
Your child will recognise in time that you were the creator of the wonderful magical myth they believed in and look back fondly on those years when they believed. Their gratitude will be saved for a time when they are old enough and able to be truly grateful.

Wow! So many people lying to their kids!

we have always done a stocking with stocking fillers gifts from Santa and all big gifts under the tree and they come from the people who bought them. then those people actually get thanked for their kind gift!

Without wishing to be miserable, if DC is 8 she knows Father Christmas doesn't exist and is likely choosing not to have that conversation. Some little star in DD's class told her when she was about 5.
Maybe have a conversation with your child about what she believes and doesn't.

I would change the narrative and start talking about it now.

Would go along the lines with well Santa brings some of the presents on the list for small children but as children get older Santa brings smaller gifts and lets mummy and daddy know what else is on the list. That way mummy and daddy can save up to buy some of the bigger things from the list as more expensive things if Santa got them all would mean less available for all children.

We have always done stocking from Santa and a small gift from the list then Santa let's mummy and daddy know and some presents get chosen.

We find it works perfectly well with the magic and I'm a bit of a stickler for not spending lots of money at Christmas on stuff. We have a budget of £50-65 per child. Yes we can afford more but I don't see the need and both DS's have Winter birthdays which I want to be more special (I hate Winter birthdays assuming to split presents between Christmas and their birthdays etc).

I thought this. DS6 has already asked me! We just asked him what he thinks and he chose not to push.

I think she's testing you.

We do the stocking from Santa and then one present from Santa downstairs.

Everything else is us and family.

But I don't need the credit for whatever the Santa present is. It's just about seeing their faces when they open it. One day they'll know Santa didn't exist - and they'll know all the presents came from us. I just want them to have wonderful Christmas memories. I don't expect a child under 7yrs old to fully understand that level of appreciation - the cost etc. I want them to have the magic of Christmas. Plenty of years after for the gratitude.

Although at the same time - we don't buy things we can't afford. If I had a 7yr old that asked for e.g a PlayStation- I'd say Santa doesn't make them - they're in the shops to buy. Something so expensive like that is not a 'toy'.

Santa and his elves make toys.

Perhaps just introduce the idea that mum and dad have to actually pay for the presents in the first place, like Santa then accepts and delivers the present orders like a giant northern Argos depot.

this is what we did

This was the same for us, too. Parents bought or paid for gifts and then gave them to Father Christmas, who delivered them (or as many of them as he thought we deserved!). So there was still a huge sense of excitement at the possibility of getting gifts, and an air of jeopardy in whether or not he’d been in the morning, and if he had, whether we’d get all the things our parents had chosen or not. Gifts arrived from members of our large extended family in the days and weeks leading up to Christmas, and these went straight under the tree, so we never had the fiction of all of Christmas arriving with Father Christmas. And thank you letters were prompt and enthusiastic!

I don't really understand the need to get the credit.

Let them enjoy the magic of Christmas while it lasts. They've asked Santa for something big, you can afford it so make their Christmas by letting them think Santa brought it.

It would be different if you couldn't afford it.

Unless something goes very wrong with their childhood they will eventually find out it was you all along and you'll get your credit. 😁

@Tomorrowisyesterday

By Father Christmas getting all the credit - I meant that it was never even discussed that anyone but Father Christmas brought presents. It was always the magical North Pole/elves/narrative and never linked to us. I don't want the credit .. I just didn't know if it was now time to drop in an element of truth to help explain things such as children getting different things, not being able to have absolutely anything that she wants. She can have the expensive gift that she's asked for this year and FC will bring it - of course I want her to be happy and it's nothing to do with me wanting to give that gift - but like I jokingly said before, this would be more difficult if it was something that I couldn't afford or was unrealistic like a pony, hence why I asked what other people say about Christmas.