Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

I always go against the grain with this one. But everything is from Santa here! I think it’s part of the magic of Christmas and as a parent I love seeing that. I don’t really care about getting credit for spending the money, hopefully I’ll get credit for creating experiences when they are much bigger 😊

My DKs got a little stocking in the morning from father Christmas,by the time they were around 5 they didn't believe he existed. They were told we had to pay him for bigger presents, therefore it wasn't possible they could magically have everything.

Father Christmas brought the presents that were left on his bed in a pillow case.

Everything else was under the tree labeled who it was from, including us. And yes, the stuff he really wanted was from us.

We never told our kids Santa gave all the gifts.
They write a letter to Santa and I only allow one or two things on it that I know we can get. We have another list that we tell them
we will try to get and we pay for them with the money we earn. The second list is also
used to give other family members ideas.

Could you try to spin a similar line, so many boys and girls in the world need presents that Santa gets some and you get others but might not get them all?

It sounds childish.

If it's something she really wants and she already knows you wouldn't buy it for her then she is likely to be so excited that she's received it that she may forget to even say thank you immediately even if she knows it's from you. Would that spoil your day? Would you pull her up for it and end up taking some shine off the moment? The joy is in the gift giving not receiving thanks

I get it, we work hard as parents but children don't see or understand that. It maybe a full week's wages (no idea what it is or how much it costs) but as a child your DC has no real concept of what that really means. One day she'll know the truth and being grateful for everything you have done

Incidentally, FC stayed alive in our house and extra year or too because 'there's no way Dad would spend that kind of money'. We don't even spend a lot, their Dad is just a tight arse usually 😆

It's odd to me that you want to change your family story just because of the cost of something

My husband wanted the route of everything bar those from other relatives being from FC (I didnt) but it led to a genuine question (a few weeks after Christmas) when DS was about 4 as to why we didn't get him anything! I think I said something vague about us sending money, which satisfied him and he was a bit young to dwell on it. ETA The next year we did a mix and he didn't question why this had suddenly changed.

We do stockings with little bits upstairs and then main presents downstairs. DS tends to want medium presents rather than big ticket items so over the years Ive gradually switched the proportions so that more comes from us...really to make it less heartbreaking when it comes to it!

In your position I might say that money is sent or more likely just bite the bullet and give the main present from FC for another year if you can afford it.

My parents still did a stocking of little bits for me from FC until I moved out! So I'll likely do the same thing.

I honestly do not understand adults wanting the "credit". It's all about the joy in their faces and excitement. This is the time to be selfless. My children are adults now, but everything always came from Father Christmas. My parents and in-laws always came round with their gifts saying that they had been left at their house by mistake, that way they could enjoy watching them open them. And that is what I will do with my grandchildren. Just let them be kids and enjoy the magic. Even as adults I don't put the gifts under the tree until they are all in bed. They all laugh and love the tradition.

My parents told us that everything in our stockings was from Father Christmas, but the rest was from them and other relations and friends. The presents were all delivered by FC, obviously.

And doesn't bringing payment from parents into the concept of Santa completely and utterly destroy any and all 'magic' there might have been in it anyway? Santa, just another slave to capitalism?

In our house a stocking and one gift comes from Santa, everything else is from whoever gave it. As Santa gifts have been cheaper up to now could you say that Santa doesn’t bring expensive/electronic? gifts but you have bought it for her instead?

Thank you for the replies - lots of different ways to look at this.
Just to address the not wanting to 'give credit' to Santa was partly me joking about this. Of course I don't do Christmas presents for 'credit' - I just didn't want her to go down the route of getting everything she asks for and thinking Father Christmas can do that because he's magic (I'd be screwed if she asked for a pony or a rocket ship wouldn't I 😂). And I fully understand that this narrative is my own fault as I didn't think about these implications as she grew older.

But I think posters are right. I could say actually some of these presents are from us as FC doesn't bring everything, or just let it continue for next few years.

Thanks everyone

We never pushed Santa as any more than a story and DS always knew gifts were from actual people, including us, so we didn't have this problem.
I know that doesn't help you now though and am interested to hear how others have navigated unrealistic expectations. 😀

Christmas is magical because parents make it magical - Santa only bringing the stocking or one present under the tree doesn't change that

When I was growing up I never received anything ‘From Santa’ but I believed he made/ brought the gifts. In my head the adults either paid for the gifts and sent him the money, or sent him the presents and he delivered them (tbh, I never questioned it that much, Santa just came, there were presents, I was thankful and phoned all my family members to say thank you very much, I love it).

We say something similar.

Since my DD was tiny, we have said that Christmas presents aren't free, we have to pay Father Christmas to make and deliver them so there is a budget.

This also helps with the why did so and so get this and I didn't.

You started it!

I went with parents send the presents to Santa that's why everyone gets different amounts. (And kid goes back to school to find Santa brought several expensive presents to one kid and they didn't get anything like the same)

Santa Claus brings a stocking and one present from a wishlist in our house - something really wanted but not expensive. Anything else is from us/the relative who bought it. Older DD(7) is aware that if she wants something expensive she won’t get much else from us. We started it this way as I didn’t like the idea of another child not getting what they wanted from “Santa” as the parents couldn’t afford it while “he” delivered it for my child. In reality though I’m not sure kids will say “Santa brought me a doll and my parents got me a switch”, so it probably doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t get too concerned about getting the credit - seeing the excitement and enjoyment of the gift is the same whoever they think delivered it. Plus they will know it was all from you when they are older anyway. I think at 8 I probably wouldn’t try to change things personally, it might be her last year believing, although if there are younger siblings it might be worth it.

Yep! Glad I was not the only one.

I never understood why some parents tell their kids that Santa brings everything. It's setting yourselves up for trouble. Of course they should know you bought them the big ticket items!

Christmas is about giving as well as receiving. Our kids (now 9 and 6) get small stocking presents from Santa in the morning and then bigger gifts are exchanged with family later in the day. This way they can thank the people who bought them gifts. They are also involved in our Christmas shopping and can help come up with ideas for what their cousins might like - this is genuinely helpful as they are all similar ages.

This way also avoids any children thinking they have not been “good” enough if they don’t get big or expensive presents.

I wouldn’t worry too much though. At 8 you’re almost out of the Santa years anyway. My 9 year old has is all figured out now (she asked yesterday if she could have her teeth back now she knows there’s no tooth fairy!). She will go along with it for her younger brother though.

Santa's elves are overworked and concentrating on the younger children, so this year will only be bringing 1 present to older children. Worked on my 9yr old, she's excited to see what we give her.

This could be a good idea. That sad if you are only looking to change the narrative to get the credit I personally wouldn’t want to risk ruining the last real year or two of believing.

We have always done Father Christmas brings you one gift you ask for and fills your stocking. Gift request have been along the lines of a medium Lego set, books, art supplies, slime kits, a medium Barbie set etc.
I couldn’t care less about the credit, but I can’t imagine any child left wondering why my kid got an iPad or a Barbie dream house or a millennium falcon and they got a teddy and some new colouring pens etc.

Each to their own but this way is bizarre!

I had this with my older two DC, big age gap and when DC3 came along I switched it to, Santa fills the stockings, presents are from mum and mummy.