Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

If you decide to get it for her, just let Santa have the credit. It's about her not you, and there'll be plenty of other ways to learn the value of money.

If you decide it's too expensive, expensive toys are expensive to make and you don't think it's right to ask Santa for something so pricey when he has to make toys for all the girls and boys.

If it's something like a games console, then Santa only brings it if he knows that the parents are ok with it. Also applies to very large presents. Leaning heavily on this one this year as eldest wants a full size bouncy castle.

One of my DD was frightened by the idea of this old bearded guy coming in to our house in the middle of the night. As a child I was never given the FC story. As for the magic of Christmas, it's meant to be a religious experience, and has now become commercial.

FC brings 1 small present, the rest are from us but we put them under the tree on Christmas Eve evening.
This works well for us.

we've gone down the same route as @Mrsttcno1 for the same reasons. Easier to explain why little Tommy got a switch and another child got a jigsaw if it's not all FC behind the wheel. Doesn't help you now though if trying to change the narrative. Tricky one. Maybe FC does make the toys, but still only brings things that's fit the household size and budget. He's magic after all, he would know that no matter how much little Tommy wants that Barbie dream house it isn't going to fit in the home so it's just not gonna work, nothing to do with being on the nice/naughty list.

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructors idea about asking the friends their story is sensible. As a few have said it's probably one of the last years of truly believing anyway. Then realistically you'll get the credit either way.

Father Christmas can't afford those expensive presents. He cares for all kids.

But.
Maybe it's time to introduce presents from you (and family?).
Our 11 yo has a bit expensive wish this year. We have talked about it and the gift will be from us (parents), her two older siblings (grown ups) and auntie/uncle/cousin. Our daughter thought it was a great idea.

Growing up Santa was just the delivery man, just like Royal Mail or DPD. My parents paid for the gifts and Santa delivered, and this explained why some children got more or less presents than others.

we continued that for our children too.

I think it’s because some of us still remember the magic of believing in Father Christmas from being a kid!

Yes, Christmas is still magical when you know Santa isn’t real but it’s no where near the level of excitement as when you think he is. Writing your list, going to the grotto and trying to figure out if it’s the real Santa, that feeling when you go to bed and you’re listening out for Santa to sneak into your room hoping to get a peak, that feeling when you wake up in the morning and see he’s been!

I honestly think there’s nothing else like it and while I know they’ll still enjoy Christmas when they’re older and no longer believe, I also want my kids to have those magical memories my sister and I shared.

DH didn’t grow up believing in Father Christmas and to him it’s just a holiday, a bit more special than Easter but I don’t think he’s ever truly felt that level of excitement about it so doesn’t understand. I do think it changes how you experience Christmas.

Father Christmas should give the traditional stocking, a sock with small gifts, maybe the occasional thing outside the sock on the bed to wake up to.
Presents under the tree come from family who pay for them, therefore there is a realistic budget.
If not you need to tell children that father Christmas does not give unlimited gifts and shares between children across the world, some children don't have very much so this idea that Father Christmas can buy a bike or a computer is just unrealistic. It's not the magic of Christmas it's the magic of consumerism.
Tell your child unfortunately large gifts come from parents as Father Christmas is generous to all children across the world and so he buys or makes things for every child, and so gives a little something to everyone.

@MrsChristmas1 we always said that we paid half of the bill to santa to look after his elves

My kids are older teens/young adults now. We never went for Santa with our kids, but never really told them so. Our token effort was that stockings nominally came from Santa. But we used the same wrapping paper for stocking fillers as under-the-tree presents. I had a particularly nasty colour one that someone had given me a job lot and it lasted for years and years: when the oldest child was about 5, he observed that it was the same wrapping paper. So the secret was out without ever having to explicitly say so. Maybe this is useful for you next year, OP?

I remember when my oldest child was in about year 1, a neighbour explained about how their kid was getting some massive swingset or something for Christmas. Both grandparents had chipped in. Because mum and dad were very very keen on Father Christmas, they'd worked up this convoluted story about how the swingset was too big for FC to deliver on Christmas Eve, and FC was worried about it getting lost in the post, so he'd arranged for it to arrive early in boxes and Daddy could put the swingset together. There were more layers of complication that I've forgotten too. I remember me and my husband looking at each other and both thinking... "yeah, this is not for us". Apart from this big fat lie the parents were telling, it was horrible how the grandparents had chosen a fantastic thoughtful gift and the parents wanted to take the joy of giving that gift away from them. Yuck.

FC brings a small gift here.
we put out milk, carrots and cookies at night 24th.
He does come twice. At Saint Nicolas' day (GErman tradition) and Christmas.
So great joy!

We've said stocking and one present comes from santa. I usually get a roll of santa paper that's just used for those.
Everything else is labelled.
I would never say everything was from santa, the main reason being that not all dc get presents due to cost etc so if my dc went to school and said they'd got x,y,z and someone else got 1 small thing I'd feel awful. There's just no need for it to all be from santa.

Hmm, going back many decades we used to give and get "main" presents from our parents/siblings and then smaller presents from Father Christmas, Mother Christmas, Miss Christmas, Master Christmas etc.
However, in those days, Christmas was far less commercial than it is now.
There are other countries, in Europe, such as Austria or Germany, where Christmas still retains its more Christian meaning and is "presented" as the Festival of Love (which makes it rather more inclusive, given the diverse ethnic background of today's population).
I see no reason why you should not be able to switch the emphasis of where main presents come from to you and hour husband, with smaller presents from Father Christmas, on the basis that your children are getting older and Father Christmas really only concentrates on "small" children (I just made that up, but I am sure you get my drift).

Please do not put your money issues and worries on your kids. That she's worried about you affording something and thinks Santa or the elves will pay for it is honestly heartbreaking.

The earliest recorded father Christmas figure was actually of pagan origin. Lots of the things we associate with Christmas precede the church and the religious aspects.

Also a very interesting article here about the origins, colour scheme and commercialism of the holiday https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-46619012

@toomanyseasonsinoneday jeez that sounds like a lot of lying over something that could be very reasonable (that they get presents from others as well as Santa) to even a very young child.
OP you can't have it both ways. If your child still believes in Santa then the cost of the gift is immaterial. And while it's fine to have bigger presents from you instead - how do you now explain that?
I think most parents are deluding themselves and kids figure it out younger than they think. My son at about six suddenly asked if Santa shopped at Tesco...he could see the same things he got for Christmas there and that Santa was hardly able to make such sophisticated toys. He eventually asked if I was Santa.
Or a kid at school has told them - I think that's how I found out. They may well pretend to believe for a few more years though - to keep the 'magic' alive for their parents as much as themselves.

When i was a kid I was told parents bought the gifts and sent them away for santa to deliver. So nothing was signed off from santa, but from mum & dad and santa just gets the credit for being the delivery guy. That way you can say sorry we can’t afford it, or you do buy it but they know mum & dad work hard to be able to afford that. I did the same with my kids and worked well. All too old now to believe in santa!

Same.
I think it's setting yourself up for trouble further down the line if everything is from Santa.
I've had friends who've insisted that grandparents & family bring everything round before the day so they can say it's all from Santa.
Like PP's, I wanted my kids to realise that we worked hard to buy their big presents!

OP, my mum used to tell us that she bought the presents and sent them away to Santa who the delivered them, maybe that could be an option for you.

Brilliant!

Even if you don't intend to major on Santa when they are little, they pick it up from school/nursery. It's a good idea to think about explaining the difference in presents early.

And... Don't set up traditions you don't want to be doing in frost,rain,wind or snow...(Learned the hard way)

I'm from a 'Santa gives all the presents' family. I just said Santa and his elves make some of the presents, but there are lots more kids in the world than there used to be, so Santa buys some as well. There's only so much money, not everyone can get expensive presents. Some parents send extra, some can't afford to. You'll just have to wait and see if you're lucky enough to get the big, expensive present you want! I always tried to get at least one 'big' present from the wanted list though, even if it was expensive for me.

I actually found it helped to have Santa a step removed from me, they knew I didn't have much money so didn't bother me for stuff all the time. No lasting trauma has resulted from this approach!

Just because it is not what you do does not mean it's bizarre. Lots of people say it comes from Father Christmas and it works for them. You do you and I'll do me.

When I was growing up, a family friend's son believed in father Christmas until he was 13. His parents told him it wasn't real that year because they thought enough was enough and his friends might start making fun of him if he carried on believing in it.

He was really appalled and upset when they told him because he thought he had been saving them lots of money every year, by asking for presents from FC instead of from his parents.

We have always said FC brings the stocking but the gifts under the tree are from us, that's how I was brought up too. Could you tell DD something like now she's a bigger girl, FC will still bring her stocking but the elves need to focus on making the presents for the smaller children?

It's not about being self fulfilling, rather that now he's older, I would like him to have some appreciation for the fact that we have bought all the gifts rather than them magically appearing from a fictional person.

Exactly! Children don't tend to analyse Christmas - they just get caught up in the excitement and joy. Thats one of the lovely things about childhood. By the time they become more analytical about the whole shebang, they don't believe in Father Christmas anyway.

We get gifts from Santa and gifts from us, Santa doesn't bring expensive gifts because he can't do it for everyone. My son is just turning 8 and some friends of his have already been told Santa isn't real, and I find this really sad. I love how excited my son gets on Christmas eve, when volunteers go round the estate dressed as Santa, just before bed time. He knows Santa's in shops aren't real, but he thinks the real Santa sends them, until we seen an excellent one last year and he thinks the real Santa dropped in on him. I haven't pushed it and don't make elaborate stories, I ask him questions and let his imagination do the rest and it's wonderful. I will be sad when it's over tbh