Should I change what my children think about Christmas?

[MrsChristmas1]

Stick with me on this one ....
Since my DC were little, we've always gone along with the story that Father Christmas delivers the presents on Christmas Eve. They would write a list of things they'd hope for, the elves would make the toys and if they were well-behaved, then they'd get (within reason) what they'd written on their list. Basically Father Christmas would get all the credit and it was nothing to do with Mum or Dad.

This was fine when they were younger as they would mainly ask for cheap-ish games, jigsaws and books etc.

However. My DC this year has asked for an expensive gift (not through being spoilt - just unaware of how much this would actually cost and not understanding money). In conversation I told her that it was too expensive and that we'd maybe need to look for a cheaper option. But here's my problem..

1. her reply (again not in a spoilt way but more in a matter of fact) was that she knew it was expensive and something that I couldn't afford, so that's why she's asking Father Christmas for it. The elves will be able to make it and therefore problem solved about the price.
2. her friend also wants the same present, and there's a high-likely hood that she'll get it 'from Father Christmas'

In reality, we could actually afford the expensive gift but I don't want Father Christmas to take the credit! I want her to understand that we've worked hard to earn the money to buy the gift, and she's lucky to be getting it.

So, how do I change our Christmas story so that she still believes in the magic of Christmas, but doesn't think that every gift is from Father Christmas and that we've lied to her for her whole life or do I just suck it up, buy the gift and say how wonderful Father Christmas is for bringing her what she wanted?

What do you tell your children about Christmas? Has the story had to change as they grew older? DC is 8 if that matters.

@BlackeyedSusan
I'm fully aware that I started it - it all sounds very cute when DC was 3 and there were some tiny elves in the North Pole making her toys from her list, that were then delivered in the middle of the night by a guy who comes down a chimney.
I just need help with redirecting that a bit - and that's partly also because of all children not receiving the same things too. I don't want her to think Father Christmas is unfair to some children, so therefore will change slightly to that not all presents come from Santa. Thank you 😊

I have probably made my life a bit easier early on; in my house the only thing from Santa was a book left in the stocking; everything else was always from each other, and, from about age 7, the children were encouraged to use their pocket money (at the pound shop) to buy a little something for others, too.

I'm actually really curious as to what those who say everything is from Santa would say if their child asked why they didn't buy them any presents?

I used to do the exact thing. I changed it when they got a bit older and said Santa only does the stockings now as there are a lot more children in the world who don't have as much money as we do. I say that I still send all the Christmas presents to Santa ... And he decides if they are on the good list to deliver them.

They accepted this without question and my youngest has always known it to be this way... Presents are from family and friends... Stockings are from Santa!

I totally agree with this! I think changing the story of santa will raise more questions and do more harm than good!

OP weight up what's more important to you... getting credit or keeping the belief of santa alive. I was told that santa wasn't real at a young age and the only thing that kept me believing was when someone said "do you really think your parents could afford those gifts"... the magic of it all came back straight away, and when I did eventually get told he wasn't real, I was able to be appreciative then!

FC gives small presents in a sack at the end of the bed in both mine and DH's families (luckily).

All presents under the tree are labelled to the child from whichever family member has bought it.

We've had thus situation where FC didn't get the wished for present, but DC got it from me and DH a couple of hours later under the tree. Obviously FC must gave known that mum and dad had already bought it.

We have never given the children anything from Father Christmas, gifts have always been from the person who bought it and FC just delivered them.

She won’t believe in Santa forever. When she eventually figures it out, she’ll know it was you who bought the gifts and planned, wrapped, and generally ensured the magic was there during her early childhood.

Do 8 year olds really believe in FC?

In this family, we’ve never had FC bringing everything - just relatively little/inexpensive things in stockings. It certainly never detracted from the magic of finding a bulging stocking on Christmas morning. Any big or special items have always been from parents or other family.

And we never said (or were told) that the elves made the presents. FC evidently had an arrangement with whatever was the arrangement pre Amazon. 🙂

Agree with all of this. My siblings were much older than me and I don't think I ever believed in Father Christmas as a child. Nevertheless, Christmas was completely "magical" and I loved the ritual of hanging up stockings and leaving a out plate with a mince pie and a carrot etc.

I think we forget that children are capable of blurring the lines between reality and fantasy in a way that most adults have forgotten. Children don't need to literally believe to experience the magic.

8 year olds are still pretty young. It’s coming to the tail end but most 8 year olds do or at least want to.

My eldest was petrified of Father Christmas, so we decided not to tell them that gifts were from him. My husband's grandmother was horrified and accused us of taking the magic of Christmas away. I think there is plenty of 'magic' without a thinking a stranger will come into your house while you are asleep. We did tell our kids to keep their special knowledge that we were in fact 'FC' to themselves. They assure me that we didn't wreck their childhood!

My kids know father Christmas doesn't do electronic. The elfs make toys and books but not computer consoles. The get a stocking, book, jigsaw and chocolates from father Christmas everything else us from us.

In your case I think I'd just buy the gift and leave him to get the credit. Realistically, your DC has only got a few more years of believing.

In our house Santa has always been like a sort of behaviour rewarding postman.

My children have always believed that we send presents to Santa, he checks their behaviour and if they are well behaved, delivers the presents to them on Christmas Eve. They’ve never questioned it.

We act surprised about small gifts and they therefore believe that Santa adds a couple of extras in when they have been really good.

This also helps with the questions about why Santa brings more to some children than others, we’ve always been careful to point out that sometimes we or other families might not have as much money for gifts as others.

FYI - you send the presents to Santa via the post office (got that question last year) - told him I don’t know Santa’s address, I just take the gifts to the post office, they label them up and send them to maintain Santa’s privacy!

Guess it goes to show ones man's strange is another man's normal! Not strange to me at all parents wanted their children to know they bought things for them, Christmas or not. @MrsChristmas1 some ideas here on how to change the narrative if you'd like to. In your case, I might do stockings from Santa if it's important to you they believe in Santa and big presents are from parents

One thing I've always wondered about - those that do everything is from Santa, how do you navigate getting children to thank people for their gifts?

We always did stockings from Santa and everything else from the giver, but I'm fairly relaxed about what others do. But this one has often left me working out how on earth you do it!

At 8 I would say shes beginning to wise up that there is no Santa . I know I knew before that age it was mum and dad, and I know our grandchildren also knew by that age and all their gifts are labelled as too who they are from. Its only the youngest who's 3 who gets the "Santa will only come if you are a good boy" narrative

I too took the grandchildren out to find a pressie for mummy and daddy for Christmas out of their own money. When asked why by them I explained that mummy and daddy had to pay Santa for what he bought them so fairs fair

Father Christmas has his own amazon/Argos or whatever account because he can't keep up with all the modern gifts children want. Sometimes he can't get hold of things, they sell out or go out of stock.

I have to give Santa the money so don't ask for anything expensive...

I think all parents should do smaller / cheaper items from Santa and larger things from parents.

It breaks my heart thinking of the kids thinking Santa doesn’t like them / they aren’t good enough as he doesn’t bring them anything or little jimmy next door got a bike and the kid wondering what they did wrong or how they must not have been good enough.

No I've no issue with telling kids we bought things. My parents were very strict on appreciating money but Christmas was Christmas when we still believed but I totally agree everyone is different

Before the expensive stuff started we would have the most wanted gift from Santa and the rest on the list from us.

When the expensive stuff started, we would put from Santa & Mum & Dad. We explained that Santa didn’t make electronics and that he was happy to help us secure it and deliver it though if they made the good list.

We just varied each year what came from him / us based on what was most wanted and the value. They had always had gifts from us though.

My children are 25 and 23 now and have never had anything from Santa. Not even a satsuma. They have no childhood trauma related to this.

I do think that when you start tying yourself in knots to explain stuff or have increasingly outlandish explanations for how Santa works, it's probably a sign that you've taken it too far.

We've been deliberately very vague about it all and asked DD1 what she thinks, how she thinks it works. She's already come to the conclusion that the Santas you meet out and about at grottos etc are just normal people dressed up. Doesn't seem to have diminished her interest in Christmas at all or removed the 'magic'. I think Christmas is magical as a young kid whether Santa is involved or not. Stockings, presents, twinkly lights, lots of nice food, family. Rely too heavily on Santa and you get into awkward situations.