Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

Surely she's with her son. Does your dad go to the groom's house? This sounds so weird to me.

She's not your MIL until after the wedding, if that helps?

Absolutely not. It’s a time for the bride and her own family and friends to spend the morning together.

And I say that as the mum of 2 sons, no daughters. There’s no way I’d expect to be invited to join the bridal party on the morning of the wedding.

I didn’t think about inviting my MIL to morning of the wedding to be honest… we don’t really get on so I think it would’ve changed the atmosphere.
I think if you get on with her it would be a kind thing to do.

Assuming she isnt staying at the hotel. Id arrange for someone to go to hers to do her hair and make up.

Not getting a corsage was mean, but really if the bride just wants to have the getting ready with her friends and family in line with tradition they are entitled to this. When both my daughters got married, they just had their bridesmaids in the room with them. My husband and I were in the next room in the hotel getting ready and the hairdresser came in to do my hair. This was fine by me. I don’t have to be in the limelight on somebody else’s day.

If there is a history between you, or if she is a super-strong (i.e. dominating) personality, then that may merit excluding her, but otherwise let her be with ther girls on the big day.

I know it is her son getting married, not her daughter, but it's still a big day for her and she probably feels a bit left out by all the man-stuff going on on her side of the wedding party.

But only if you think she would be supportive of you on the day. If she's the type of MIL who will turn up on the day with photos of his last girlfriend, or comment that its a shame you couldn't lose a few more pounds to really fit the dress, then leave her out.

Seems a bit odd to me.
I wouldn't want to be with my DiL2B on the morning of the wedding, much as I love her and we very much get on. That is her time, with her girls (whoever she wants to include in that). My 'job' if you like is to support my ds with whatever last minute emergency arises, or just enjoy the day.

Of course you are not being unreasonable!

Your not-yet-MIL, i.e. your fiancé's mother, IF she wants to be more closely involved on the morning of the wedding, should be fussing over her own son, preparing his hangover cure, straightening his tie, and getting glammed up with her own family and friends, before the formal union with you and your family.

Could all the sentimentalist wedding-fetishising MNetters PLEASE think through the consent implications of having the groom's mother present among the bride's attendants on the wedding morning!

What if the bride is having second thoughts? It's hard enough for the prospective bride or groom to have the space, find the wise counsel, and give themselves permission to back out as it is!

Not to mention, not-yet-MIL's own child might appreciate some last-minute support and counsel himself! FFS. Boundaries.

I think it completely depends on the relationship you have and the one you wish to have post wedding.

Has she been respectful of you and your choices by not sticking her oar in?

If so, might this be kind and generous.
Honestly if she was a nice woman I would welcome her.

If she has been a pain, then definitely NO.

Unless there’s a whole backstory of how she’s been an absolute arsehole to you, then what is excluding her going to achieve? You’ll be spending what is supposed to be a wonderful day, in conflict with your mother in law. How will that benefit you? Will it improve your relationship with your partner?

My brother is getting married next summer, we all get on soo well. My mother adores her and she adores my mother back. There is no way my mother would go to her on the morning of the wedding. we will do exactly what you did for your brother wedding. It’s memories for our family and she will have that special time leaving her own family home.

Your title says she wants to join the bridal party but your post says she wants to come have her make up done with you, your bridal party and your mother.

Is you're mother part of the bridal party? Is MIL asking to be a bridesmaid or just join you with your mother to get her makeup done?

I didn't ask mine, we aren't that close (she's a bit of a narc, my DH keeps her at a safe distance) and I would not have felt comfortable with her there. I had my bridesmaid (close friend) and her wife. Another close friend helped me into my dress and another popped by later on. That was the way I wanted it as my mom was no longer with us and I don't have a sister, and no SIL at that stage. It was lovely.

I can't understand why people are voting that you're unreasonable! It's a time for you to be with your immediate family! Doesn't she want to be with her son that morning?

I don’t understand how weird people get about weddings. Surely this is time for close family relationships and friends as you prepare for a massive life change and starting a new family unit?? No, I don’t think MIL should be invited to this intimate experience. She should be with her own family.

Don't be so spiteful.

Sounds to me like she just wants a free makeup and hair do.

Absolutely. I’d want to spend the morning with my son!

What are the logistics of it all?

Will she already be at the hotel?

Could she have it done in her room if so or is she particularly wanting to be with you?

What happens if you say no?

The OP actually said that "she's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point".

YABU for not coming back to update and tell us why YANBU.

MIL is family. You are marrying into your partners family. It’s a shame she hadn’t shown much interest til now, but unless there is some other reason, I’d be thankful that she wants to come celebrate with you. I think it’s very much starting married life off on the wrong foot by telling her she’s not welcome to get ready with you on the wedding morning

Traditionally, the bride spent the morning with HER family/friend/bridesmaids, etc before she was 'given' to her husband's family.
So no, MiL should not be there

You're not unreasonable. I don't think that weddings are all about the bride, but do you know what, the preparing for your wedding on the morning absolutely is all about the bride. Of course it is. It's about helping her feel calm, relaxed, get ready with no stress. She might want to talk about the groom, she might want to just relax and completely be herself with just her close friends before the wedding, there could be a billion reasons why she doesn't want her MIL there.

Where do we draw the line, will MIL have to attend the birth of future DC, should the OP choose to invite her mother to the birth?

I am a Mother of the Groom for an upcoming wedding.

I wouldn't expect to be in with the bridesmaids and bride on the morning but my own DD and other Dil will be bridesmaids so for the posters saying MOG should be with her own family it's a bit impractical.

I am going to assume I am not included in this activity and will sort my own hair out-however I do think some of the comments on here are unnecessary and unkind.

All this anti MIL bias is sad, I get on brilliantly with both DIL and future DIL and think that little things like this set the tone for future relationships.

If her Mum is included it seems pointed to me to exclude MOG but there you are.

I would love for @Dilligas72 to come back and explain a bit more but don't think she is coming back.