Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

I'd offer to pay for someone to go round to hers and do it

Seems unnecessarily mean unless there's a huge backstory.

Ah, why not let her? It would be a nice thing to do.

I dunno, seems a bit mean! Whyever not? Your mum isn’t in your bridal party either is she (bridal party being bridesmaids and maid of honour and groomsmen, best man, flower girl, page boy??)

YABU unless there’s a huge backstory

I get on really well with MIL, but she wasn’t with me in the morning getting ready. That was for my mum, sister and two close friends.

Sounds a bit mean. Would be kind to involve her.

hate this modern trend of MILs muscling in on what's between you and your family/friends on your wedding day. I get on great with mine, would have hated this. YANBU at all.

Your future MIL may have form, but I would "go high" and invite her. If not, you have set the tone for your relationship with her.

There obviously is a backstory, hence why OP doesn’t want her MIL around. You’re unlikely to get much validation from here OP, so as you don’t want her around, find a way of letting her know or this being communicated to her.

Muscling in? I hate this trend of behaving as if MILs were always the enemy.

Do you not like her or get on with her? Mine did but I’ve been a bridesmaid 2 other times and the future mother in law didn’t, completely up to you

Who will be with the groom? If he’s with his best man/dad then it would be a shame for her to be alone.

Ah, that would be sad.

The likelihood is, MIL is a nice person. Awaiting an update from OP! I am not opposed to boundaries myself - NC with FIL for example - so if there’s a proper reason that MIL has ended up being left alone the morning of the wedding then yeah. But that truly doesn’t happen very often. DH got ready at the venue with just his 3 groomsmen, I got ready at home so my dad, florist, random neighbours etc were all coming and going and all sorts. MIL & FIL were together and with family friends, and MIL very disinterested in it all.

Your MiL will be part of your family and you will be part of hers when you are married. Isn’t it a good idea to have both mothers together? Especially if you propose to have a positive MiL/DiL relationship.

This. Why can't she join you ? She is part of the bridal party, she is your soon to be husband's mum. You say that she hasn't shown any interest until now?
Maybe she was worried that you might consider her to be interfering?
Paternal MILs are frequently vilified for doing wrong when they are desperately trying to get it right!
Enjoy your wedding day

SPOT ON

Is she the only female relative on DH’s side. If so I’d allow it. Otherwise the offer would be to get a makeup artist to pay for her hair and makeup at home.

Disagree, that would create a wedge

Well said.

Wouldn't she be with them too?

When my brother got married Mum & I got our hair done while my brother, Dad & BM went for a shave.

Then we had sandwiches and champagne and got ready, got photos taken then all headed to the ceremony together. I'd have thought it was really odd for my Mum to miss that to spend the morning with my SIL & her family

My daughter had us both, plus the bridesmaids for makeup and hair.
Why don't you want her there?

I will probably be shot down for this.
No. I wouldn't invite her unless you think it will cause you years of grief.
I have been a bridesmaid 7 times, not once has the MIL been there beforehand.
I liked my MIL (she died a few years ago), perfectly nice lady but had she attended the makeup/ hair session prior to the wedding, it would have completely changed the dynamic - all the shits and giggles stuff

No way!!! YANBU! Tell her you are extremely superstitious and don't want any in-laws to see you before you walk down the aisle 😝 I really get on with my MIL and I wouldn't let this happen.

She's not marrying the MIL though