Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

Her MIL has shown no interest in the wedding and has pretty much ignored the OP, her own son and grandson for the previous 10 years, despite many invitations. Why on earth would her MIL expect to be treated with kindness and respect considering her own cold behaviour towards her son and his family.

I assume that OP will try and build a close relationship with her son, her DIL and any children they may have, and will not treat her DIL as poorly as her MIL has treated her.

You are being unreasonable.. it’s her sons wedding, as well as you and your bridesmaids, and your mother. Don’t overthink it or exclude her.. that’s just selfish. How would you feel if she was to walk her son down the aisle. Stop being so selfish. She doesn’t want to dominate your bride day.. she wants to be involved in giving her son to you.

that’s one side of the story right there.

As another poster has said, you need to grow up. It is sad to start your married life with such bitterness and unkindness towards your husband’s family.

Great start to married life - alienating your mother in law...

I see the MN MIL apologist gang have turned up

I think it is unkind, immature to exclude her and very mean spirited. You are doing it not only for her but for your future husband. Like it or not she will be in your life for as long as you are married to this man and harmonious family relationships are crucial to future happiness. You might need her when you have children too.
Why on earth not include her . Kindness is never regretted but unkindness often regretted

She already has a child and MIL isn't interested. Have you not read the thread, or at least the OP's posts?

Would it kill you to include her?

As a mom of boys, why would you start married life on a bad note. You would NEED her for a ton of babysitting when/if you have children in the future. Plus, without her you would not be marrying HER son

Well that's the thing about Mumsnet. We only ever have the OP's side of the story. However, even though there are only 3 posts in total from the OP, it appears that all the MIL apologists haven't even bothered to read those posts.

I could understand why all the MIL supporters would be up in arms if the OP asked if she was unreasonable not to invite her MIL to the wedding. But she is just asking whether she would be unreasonable not to include MIL in the bridal party which is normally the women that the bride is closest to, e.g. her mum, sisters, close friends. OP has no relationship with her MIL which is her MIL's choice so she is not unreasonable to refuse. It's not as though there is a good relationship to be ruined. There is no relationship at all.

OP already has a child with her future husband that her MIL doesn't bother about at all. She doesn't even visit her grandson, never mind babysitting, so the OP has nothing to lose by not inviting her. MIL doesn't bother with HER son either.

I've never read a thread where posters are either completely ignoring or haven't bothered to read the OP's posts.

There's such a load of sentimental twaddle about poor excluded MIL who has had 10 years to build a relationship with OP, and yet doesn't even bother with her own son and grandson, never mind the OP.

Mils are usually treated as a consequence of their actions

No, i wouldn't actually. It's a bit weird of her to want to be there and gate crash your special time with your mother and bridesmaids.

It's your choice. Does she not have daughters she could do this with? I think she has been holding back from being thought of as interfering. Would invite her and ensure she has her make up etc done first so before you put your dress on you could ask her to leave as you want everyone to see the dress as you enter the venue. Just be kind she is going to be part of your life for a long time and Grandma to any children you have. Good luck.

Remember that when you're a mother in law and are treated like shit !!!!!

@Cece54

I won't need to remember anything 🙄🙄.

If I treat an in law like crap, then I won't expect much from them?

Over a decade and apparently she's never bothered with them.

I don't know why a MIL would begrudge her DIL having her hair & make up done on the wedding day with who she chooses?

All this MILs that are sad & alone-why is that the DILs fault?

So OPs mother in law has treated her like crap? Where did you get that from? She hasn't seemed interested until now... doesn't visit much.... but perhaps as stated by others OP hasn't made her feel welcome. Perhaps she was excluded from planning etc so why would she be interested? We only have OP version of events try reading my earlier post about the way I was treated. I only ever once turned up at my son and his then fiancées house unexpectedly to drop something off... my son was out and I was kept standing on the doorstep. On second thought don't bother reading my earlier post... you seem bitter and nasty and not actually interested on anyone's options but your own. Nice way to live.

Cece54 · Today 09:37

So OPs mother in law has treated her like crap? Where did you get that from? She hasn't seemed interested until now... doesn't visit much.... but perhaps as stated by others OP hasn't made her feel welcome. Perhaps she was excluded from planning etc so why would she be interested? We only have OP version of events try reading my earlier post about the way I was treated. I only ever once turned up at my son and his then fiancées house unexpectedly to drop something off... my son was out and I was kept standing on the doorstep. On second thought don't bother reading my earlier post... you seem bitter and nasty and not actually interested on anyone's options but your own. Nice way to live.

@Cece54 the irony

Do you even know what irony means?? Must be hard dragging yourself around with that massive chip on your shoulder... However its amusing for others.. .... 😂😂😂😂😂

When you marry, you marry into that whole person. If they have ongoing relationships with their relatives, they should be included. Selfishness and exclusion will not strengthen your relationship with your intended, or their family. Family should always be invited & included whether you care for them or not. Your intended is to be added to YOUR family, and you are being added to THEIRS. If your MIL declines, you should make repeated attempts to reach out to develop a one-on-one relationship with her. She may have unexpressed reasons for not seeming interested, like not feeling comfortable in groups [like my mum]. Compassion & inclusion are great virtues to embrace. 😊❤️

We've got the information about the OP's MIL treating her like crap from OP's posts. No interest shown by MIL throughout OP's 10 year relationship with MIL's son. Never calls in to see her son or her grandson even when she is visiting relatives a couple of streets away. OP used to invite her often but has now stopped due to lack of interest.

We do only have OP's version of events, like every single Mumsnet post. I presume you are implying that she is making stuff up. We only have your version of events about your DIL, so maybe you are making stuff up too.