Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

Surely OP has chosen her bridal party on the basis of her close relationships with them. Maybe her future MIL's presence will make things awkward if the OP isn't very close to her and the others don't know her well.

Seems a bit mean - my mil came to the hairdressers and had her makeup done with my mum, matron of honour and me. Mil had 4 sons so it was nice to include her in the more 'girly' aspects of a wedding.

Yawn. I imagine your soon to be DH is part of the set up, contributing etc.

Excluding his mother makes you look like a dick and will come back to you should you choose to exclude her unless it turns out she beheads kittens

Most grown ups are capable of being welcoming to someone they know less well who is joining their group. Why would it be particularly awkward?

That seems kind of sad if your DH to be is getting ready with his Dad and groomsmen, leaving her alone. She may also not to want to look the odd one out if you're all having hair and make up done.

I would do it
we did just a registry office and was really my mother in law who married us lol
he wanted so much at least one of her sons married

I think the most important consideration - assuming your relationship with your MIL isn't already beyond salvage - is is it worth tanking your future good relations right at the start of your marriage by telling her she's not welcome?

Maybe depends if there are daughters she might be getting ready with. I have been MoB and MoG and included in hair and make-up with bridal party both times - sisters of brides and grooms were all bridesmaids. I was grateful to be included and had a lovely time -both my DD and DiL are lovely, drama-free women

Has she asked to be included? If so you are both wrong. Her for asking and you for preparing to say no.
She should be invited as although it's your day, you surely want everyone to have a great time, especially family members of which she will be one.
It would be a kind gesture said with a smile and a hug that you'd love her to be there.

We don't know what sort of relationship OP has with her MIL. If they aren't close, it may spoil OP's enjoyment of getting ready with her closest friends/family. The fact that her MIL hasn't shown any interest in the wedding preparations is obviously bothering the OP.

My mil didn't even get an invite to our wedding!!

I'm married and been a bridesmaid a few times and the MIL has never been with us getting ready, there doesn't need to be a back story, but she arrives with her side of the family surely.

We don't know that she hasn't shown any interest in wedding preparations, just that she hadn't asked to be involved in this moment until now - which doesn't necessarily indicate lack of interest, perhaps she hoped or assumed she'd be invited without asking, perhaps she only just realised she'd like to, perhaps she assumed she'd be with the groom's family and has just discovered their plans exclude her.

And yes we don't know what kind of relationship she has with OP, but if she'd run over the family dog / was prone to making racist remarks / called her future DIL a cunt in the groupchat, you'd think OP might have mentioned that in her post. If their relationship is not already bad, even if it's not close, I can't see a good reason to exclude her. Who knows, this gesture of kindness might even commence a closer, better relationship.

If she wants to and your mum is involved, then does feel a little mean

I think this is personal thing. It’s not traditional no, but if you love your MIL and she’d otherwise feel left out, the it’d be a lovely gesture

Seems like a nice way for your mothers to bond. she’s part of your family now. It’s her child’s wedding too. And if she only has sons she’ll never have the experience of being part of a bridal party.

I really think it would change the atmosphere of the morning. Its a few hours I have with my mother and 4 of my closest women! And my dress will be hanging up in the room we are getting ready in, and I'd rather she didn't see it until its on me and I'm on the aisle!

I don’t have a son but if I did have one I’d feel a bit mortified at the idea of gatecrashing my future DIL’s time with her family before she gets wed. It would feel like I’m intruding on an intimate time with her family.

I’m not generally fussed about including people but I can imagine that instead of just focusing on the bride there would be an effort to make the MIL feel included and welcome, which would be nice but would change the dynamic.

And ofcourse women include their mums if they want, they are part of the brides family.

I was excluded from this at my son's wedding.

My son was with his dad and best man in the morning and I was on my own. Did my own hair and make up.

It was unpleasant and hurtful to know there was great jollity in the room next door with champagne and fruit and a photographer and I was excluded.
My grandchildren were in there too and it would have been nice to see them get ready.

YABVU
I think it was a message to let us know our place.
My husband and I never had corsages either and her parents did.

It's not a pleasant feeling and if you want to make your MIL feel like shit then don;t invite her.

It just wouldn't have entered my head to invite my MIL to get ready with us. I just wanted my bridesmaids with me to have a couple of drinks and be chilled.

As a bridesmaid I've never seen this either!

I've never quite understood why so many people go along with rigid rules around weddings in the name of tradition. I'm generally quite a fan of upholding tradition but so much of the fuss around weddings seems unecessary.

DH and I spent the night before our wedding together (we lived togther so it seemed ridiculous to spend money on a hotel) and travelled to our wedding together too. Apparently this is bad luck or something but almost 25 years later it hasn't done us too much harm. I really can't see the problem of involving another person in the hair and make up stuff if it would make them happy.

Unless you have some kind of issue with her on a personal level you are being mean!

Maybe she hasn’t seemed interested because she doesn’t want to intrude or push her own opinions on you. She’s your future husband mum, and you need to embrace her a bit I think.

Omg why are so many people saying you are unreasonable. Her place is sorting herself out and being with her son. I have never in my life heard of MIL being with the bride on the morning of the wedding.

Oh that’s not ok!
Why on earth didn’t you have corsages?? The whole wedding party should have them, and Mother and Father of the groom are absolutely part of the wedding party
I adored my MIL, and I would have happily had her with us when getting ready, but all my husbands family stayed the night before at the hotel we had the reception at, so they all got ready together

It depends on the relationship you currently have and how you want to move forward. Obviously I am assuming there is no back story but for what it’s worth, if she is a nice person I would have her there.
I have a really good relationship with my MIL now and my in laws and parents get on well. I paid for a large house in the Lake District for a holiday this year and both my family and husbands family came down together and it was a lovely week for my DD to remember. We got there by fostering a good relationship that benefits us all, right from the beginning. And yes there have been some teething problems along the way, but that’s to be expected when you join families with different ideas and traditions to your own; it’s how you react to it that will change how your relationship develops.