Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

Is this really how you want to start off your relationship with your new MIL. Dies it matter?

I paid for my MIL to have her make up done, she didn't want hair as it is quite short, she came to my mums house to get it done with us and then went back to get ready at our home with my DH, I always feel that the in-laws don't really get included at weddings, so it felt like a nice thing to do.

Be firm. She is not in the Bridal Party. She should find other women on the Groom's side if she wants to do Girl Wedding Stuff.

I think it’s weird. She should be with her family before the wedding, as you will be with yours.

Surely she should be with her son on the morning, at least for a coffee or something? How strange.

I think it all depends on the relationships with in the family, how well you get on etc

My ex MIL would have wanted to stay with ex FIL - that said I didn’t have a big getting ready session like this so it’s a bit moot!

Why not?

Why would you be so unnecesarily mean?

Who are all these people saying “you’re being mean”…

When I got married my DH stayed at his mum and dad’s the night before and had breakfast with them in the morning, his groomsmen met him there and they had photos etc. way more appropriate for the MIL to be there for that no?

Why would she need to be there with you, your mum and bridesmaids? Just plain weird if you ask me!

I say this as a boy mum. If I was in a similar situation, I can’t imagine not wanting to see my sons on the morning of the wedding and wouldn’t dream of imposing on the bridal party.

My son, the groomsmen and my husband all went for a turkish shave and a pint arranged by the best man.

I think it sounds mean as she wants to join you and you are not setting a nice tone for future a relationship with her.

And the photos for SM. 'Look how much my DIL thinks of me, she wouldn't dream of not having me there on her wedding morning'.

One of my greatest difficulties with my adult, single daughter, is treading the fine line between being interested in what she does and being intrusive.
Maybe the MiL in question is the same and that's why she hasn't involved herself in the preparations.
I still don't know whether she's invited herself into the bridal party, something I would never do but I don't get the mums going on hen nights either.

Not 👏 every 👏 modern-day 👏 wedding 👏 is 👏 for 👏 fucking 👏 social 👏 media!!!!!!

Guaranteed a bride had this problem before social media existed! Sick to the death of reading comments on this site about how weddings are "all for the gram" these days.

Gosh, that's a sad thought. Shamefully, I didn't think of this when we got married.

Be the bigger person OP.

Is there going to be a massive drip feed?

Because if there's no other reason, you're being unreasonable.

You're forming a new family, and by marrying her son, you're connecting with her. It's a chance to make a pleasant start. She hasn't shown much interest - maybe she hadn't felt included?

Yes it's strange to want everyone to agree with her spiteful behaviour, hopefully MIL is included.

Seems weird you have said no

Do you not get on ?

Could she not come later so joins in with hair and make up

She's the mum of the man you love

Its not like she actually wants to be part of the bridal party though! I don’t see any harm in including her for hair and makeup.

Does she have other females to get ready with? As pointed out by others, mothers of the groom can be overlooked as though their job should be getting breakfast or ironing shirts on the morning of the wedding!

i think it’d be a lovely gesture to have her op

I got married abroad and sadly MIL was not fit to fly having had a stem cell transplant a few months earlier, but had she been I would absolutely have included her the morning of the wedding and would have paid for it all too.

I paid for my beautician to fly out to do my makeup, 2 bridesmaids, my Mum and offered for others to pay and get theirs done too - one of my SILs did. Planned to do the same for hair (beautician’s sister is a hairdresser) but she ended up pregnant so couldn’t make it. Used a local stylist recommended by our wedding planner who was great. Again, I got my hair done and paid for 2x bridesmaids, flowergirl and my Mum. My SIL and my beautician paid themselves for theirs to be done too.

It was lovely all being together, having a glass of fizz, chatting, laughing and getting excited in the lead up to the ceremony. Unless there’s a backstory here or the stylist is worried they won’t be able to get everyone finished in time, I don’t see the issue.

I didn't although she did pop up to see me which was lovely.

Am so glad that getting married 30 years ago was so uncomplicated!

When I got married, dh stayed over at his best man's the night before, and I stayed with pil.
My dp travelled to us in the morning and pil hosted all of us, plus the hairdresser.

I very much appreciated their support and our families actually got on amazingly. My dsis invited them to her wedding many years later.

This has to be one of the most batshit ridiculous posts I have read on Mumsnet.
consent implications???

@Dilligas72 , you say your future MIL hasn’t shown any interest thus far. I wonder if she’s interested but desperate not to appear interfering.
One day you will possibly be the MIL in this situation, I would suggest treating your MIL with the same respect and compassion you would hope for. I think there are roughly two DIL tribes, the ones who set out to have a good relationship with their MIL and those who set out to make their MIL an irrelevance in their family life. I have no respect for the latter who care nothing for their partner or their children.