Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

[Dilligas72]

I am being unreasonable to tell my mother in law that she can't come to the hotel and get her hair and make up done with me, my mum and the bridesmaids. She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

why can't her son include her?
This thread is fucking bizarre

There is more to it. OP has been with her husband-to-be for 10 years and they have a child together. MIL hasn't bothered with them at all so why should she expect to be included in the bridal party when she has made no effort to build a relationship with her DIL or her grandson?

Why is your mum invited and not her?

Because Op doesn't want her there.

Im stunned at how many people have said YANBU! I would have given anything for my mother in law to have been part of my bridal party. Sadly she passed away a few weeks after we booked our wedding. Please remember this is her son getting married. It will be a big deal for her. It’s not all about you

@eyupcocker I am very sorry about your MIL, her passing away at this time probably made it more emotional for all concerned.

I have been a bridesmaid 7 times and had my own wedding. Not once was a MIL present as the bride got ready - she had her bridesmaids and her family around her. The MILs were with their sons. It's not about excluding MIL - she should be with her family, helping them.

Why is your mum invited?

😂

Please remember this is her son getting married. It will be a big deal for her. It’s not all about you

Well it's certainly not all about MIL & what she wants is it as it's not her wedding day!

Perhaps her son needs to be the one remembering his mum on his wedding day!

Bloody hell-do women always have to think of other women that a man should be thinking of?

The thing is most aren’t traditional weddings now anyway. I was not invited as a MIL but left to look after (well told) the grandchildren. I had paid for most of the wedding. However I held my head up and got on with it. Sadly as MIL you won’t win against some mothers and daughter especially as I’ve found.

You have two choices: Let her join you or get someone to come to her room if she stays at the hotel etc or get someone to come to her home. Definitely don't be mean

why don't you blame your son, @diddl ? it was his wedding, you are his mother. Why wasn't he kinder to you?

her son could organise something instead of being the kind of selfish twat who leaves all that up to his partner?

I really really get on with my (future) MIL but sorry, she not as important to me as my mother. That's a ridiculous comment.

Blame my son for what?

He's not married!

My stepdaughter did too. And me. She’s the kindest, most generous woman.

sorry @diddl (love the name) that was for @Lemondrizzle70

I wasn’t blaming anyone we didn’t really have much experience of wedding protocol so was told that was his it went. . He is kind fortunately

Does she want to support you on your special day, or just want to muscle in on free hair & make-up?

Every wedding I’ve been involved with, the mother of the groom had been supporting her son. Mostly involving making a fried breakfast, to be fair, but being there for him. Her son. Suggest to her & DP that this is where she should be.

she should be as much part of the wedding as your mum. No mum in law, no groom. What a shame it would be for her to be excluded, and this could be very damaging for your future relationship. I have 3 sons and a daughter. I would want to be as involved in my son’s weddings as my daughters.

i do agree with Shelby2020, as mother of groom I’d be doing as she suggested. But I’d love an hour or so out to have my hair and makeup done and a glass of champers with my future daughter in law.

What does the groom think? Will he be sad if she's not around when he's getting ready? (as is usual, I think, but could be wrong,)
If he would like her there with you, I'd go along with it. Perhaps let her go first an then she might go back to spend the rest of the getting ready time with him and the other boys.
Could you ask her what her plans are for the morning? "Hi MIL, of course you can come an get ready with us; would you like us to put you down first for hair and makeup so you will have time to to back to the boys or are you travelling to wedding with us?"
It's only hair an makeup after all. Life is short.

There are other ways to be included instead of spending the morning with the bride.

She’s just as important, as part of the wedding
as your mum.

So sorry this happened to you. 💜 I have 3 sons and a daughter. I hope my sons and future dils don’t do this to me. You are as important as mob.

not to the bride though

She should still be able to have her hair and makeup done with the other women ( not on her own) then go spend time with her son. Excluding her is just cruel. It would prob only be 1.5hrs max, and could help future relations.