Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

[curtainp0le]

I am going on holiday for 3 nights with 2 friends to a popular city in Spain in a couple of weeks. One friend, let's call her Susan, is keen to go to a bar or a club one evening. We are mid/late 20s but none of us are major clubbers or party people. I don't drink at all. The other friend, Elaine, is reluctant to go to a bar. She is scared to 'be out too late in a place I don't know. Scary stories in the news have made me extra cautious'.
I said that we will stick together, but even at that she is worried about walking back late to our hotel as we are 'still a group of girls'. I said there will be night buses and trams. I also pointed out that in Spain they eat dinner late and it will get dark about 7pm, so by necessity we will probably have to be out after dark if we want to have anything to eat. At this, Elaine said we will need to get a phone number for a taxi.

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about this attitude? I totally understand, in light of recent events, why she is concerned. I don't want to cause drama. But I also feel we need to be realistic that statistically anything like that is extremely unlikely. I don't want to feel restricted on the basis of Elaine's fears. I don't want to sit in the hotel from 7pm onwards. It's my holiday too! And Susan genuinely wants to go to a bar. How would you manage this?

You do that you want to do, and which is perfectly normal behaviour. If she's not happy, then she can stay at the hotel. She cannot restrict you to this degree.

Go out with Susan. Elaine can choose to stay on hotel if she prefers (bonkers).

Leave her in the hotel while you go out. I don’t even know what recent events you mean. Even people with kids will be out!

Leave Elaine at home and go to the bar with Susan. I have no patience with all this unnecessary drama.

What everyone else said.

Another vote for leaving the wet lettuce in the hotel.

Go out with Susan. Let Elaine stay in the hotel.

Make it clear before you leave that this is what WILL be happening so she can’t claim she didn’t know, and can back out if she doesn’t want to come.

Go out without her. As you said it’s impossible to get an evening meal in Spain without being out after dark. There will be loads of families around- what does she think will happen? If you don’t get blind drunk and take sensible precautions you will be absolutely fine. One person bring ridiculous should not dictate the holiday activities.

Dont indulge her at all.
Tell her she is welcome to sit in the hotel but you will obviously be going out for dinner etc.
She's ridiculous and I would be safety conscious.
Debbie Downer needs to stay home.

The evenings dont really start until about 9 in Spain, why did she pick this holiday to go on?

Yes as others have said, she'll have to stay in the hotel, but how are you going to be eating of an evening, dinner time is around 9ish, 8 perhaps.

We're just back from Barcelona and the streets weren't getting really busy with people going to eat until past 9.

It all felt very safe with clean, well lit streets, plenty of people about and no sign of any trouble. Even the occasional group of beery lads on holiday were good natured. I've heard similar about other Spanish cities.

Don't sit in, but maybe a cab back would be a compromise.

There will be toddlers toddling by while your friend is tucked up in bed!

You don't have to stick together leave her in the room. She can get a delivery

What recent events?
Not going out after 7pm in Spain (or anywhere really!) is absolutely bonkers and I wouldn’t be indulging it. She can stay in on her own.

Two of you want to go out and one is too scared; let her stay at the hotel while the other two of you go out. What a waste of a holiday.

Tell her to stay home then, she's going to ruin your break.

3 mid 20's. What does she think is going to happen??

😂😂😂

Uber, bolt and Cabify operate in Spain for a taxi if you do really need one.

Spain is generally very safe. And it's true that at this time of year it will be more or less dark by dinner time. She might change her mind when she gets there.

You do social stuff during the day, then, back at the hotel, at 7pm you tap your watch and tell Elaine it's time for her to go upstairs to her room and to get her head down for sleepy-time because you and Susan are going to head out.

Where in Spain though because if you're right in the centre of Madrid or Barcelona or cities like that you wont get cabs going right in the centre anyway due to the restrictions, you would get the metro or bus back. It would be expensive to keep getting cabs back anyway and rather pointless in my view.

To be fair, how much would a taxi cost and is it unreasonable. Is it really unreasonable? Susan does sound a bit of a wet lettuce, but if a cab split between three is reasonable, I'd make her go, try to enjoy herself and get a taxi.

What recent events?!

Is she having any treatment for her anxiety which is unreasonable and not in proportion to the actual risk?

Say “okay Elaine. Do you want us to come
with you while you get some food to
eat in the hotel? Then Susan and I are going to go out for dinner and a couple of drinks.” Let her suit herself, but she can’t restrict/dictate to you.

I'd ask 'how can we make you comfortable to go out at night? Because X & I will definitely be going and want you to come with us. We won't be staying in after dark.'

Then it's in her court. You come to an arrangement that suits you all, or she stays at the hotel & you go out, having tried to accommodate her. I'm betting it's anxiety, and often this vanishes once there & once out having fun.