Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

[curtainp0le]

I am going on holiday for 3 nights with 2 friends to a popular city in Spain in a couple of weeks. One friend, let's call her Susan, is keen to go to a bar or a club one evening. We are mid/late 20s but none of us are major clubbers or party people. I don't drink at all. The other friend, Elaine, is reluctant to go to a bar. She is scared to 'be out too late in a place I don't know. Scary stories in the news have made me extra cautious'.
I said that we will stick together, but even at that she is worried about walking back late to our hotel as we are 'still a group of girls'. I said there will be night buses and trams. I also pointed out that in Spain they eat dinner late and it will get dark about 7pm, so by necessity we will probably have to be out after dark if we want to have anything to eat. At this, Elaine said we will need to get a phone number for a taxi.

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about this attitude? I totally understand, in light of recent events, why she is concerned. I don't want to cause drama. But I also feel we need to be realistic that statistically anything like that is extremely unlikely. I don't want to feel restricted on the basis of Elaine's fears. I don't want to sit in the hotel from 7pm onwards. It's my holiday too! And Susan genuinely wants to go to a bar. How would you manage this?

What does she do at home when its dark at 4pm and likely dark on the journey to work?

Exactly. People (Elaine) can choose to stay in the hotel if they want to, do the normal holiday things and enjoy yourself.

There's no way your in your 20s but picked Susan and Elaine as the code names for your friends 🤣

The clocks go back in Spain this weekend. It will be getting dark before 6pm (I'm looking at Barcelona).

Your friend either sucks it up and goes out with you, or she stays in the hotel on her own.

Margate has some great bars and nightlife so Elane would find a reason not to go out there as well.

You know this makes absolutely no sense right? These women were not abducted and killed whilst eating out in Spain after dark with friends.

Women do get killed in Spain of course. As is the case in the UK, many of these killings take place in daylight. Women also drown in the sea, die in road traffic accidents or when buildings catch fire. Nothing and nowhere is totally safe, not even cowering in a hotel room.

Absolutely. Just being alive carries risk and we have to get on with life and not hide away in fear ‘just in case’

Sadly isolated tragic things happen. We can wrap ourselves in cotton wool and still not avoid risk

Having grown up with my paternal grandmother being Catalan, being out at night in Spain was normal for me from a very young age. The cities are vibrant and bustling at night - the OP and her friends are safer there than in their own town in the UK

Wow. I don't know how that happened. I never quote OPs and hate it when people do.
Must have been a rogue tap of the finger. Mortified.

Sounds like she doesn't have much experience abroad! City centres in Spain are much busier, more bustling, well-lit and safe IME (visited many times and used to live there). They're also far more pedestrian. Families will still be out having dinner at 10pm. Let her do what she wants and she'll probably calm down when you actually get there.

It’s pretty unusual for her to feel this way and I can only assume something has either happened to her, or she’s struggling with anxiety, so I wouldn’t mock her or judge her, but it also wouldn’t stop me from going out. Leave her at the hotel after dinner, and you and your other friend can go out. If she expects you to stay in the hotel after dark too, she’s being unreasonable and controlling.

Three women out together at like 9/10pm in Madrid or Barcelona city centre is absolutely not anything that would concern me in any way. My best friend and I have done lots of city breaks together, we would generally only head out after a busy day at 7/8pm and back home midnightish. We never had any problems in Spain, Italy, Germany, anywhere. You'll be walking alongside families with young kids! It will be bustling with people.

What a bore.

YANBU at all. I agree with PPs just leave her behind. It sounds mean to say it like that but she doesn't give a shit that she will ruin your holiday so right back at her. Maybe she will get over her fears after the first day but don't plan around that. I find it bizarre than a grown woman can't walk down a street. It's dark by 5 or 6pm in UK winter, does she not leave her home at all??

poor Susan is going to have a crap holiday trying to go to bars with one non-drinker and one friend who is scared of her own shadow.

Tell her about Michaela McAreavey who was murdered in her hotel room by an intruder. Maybe she will stay home and let you guys have a holiday.

Be clear now that you and Susan will be going out for dinner and to bars on the evening. She is welcome to stay back at the hotel if she prefers. Part of going on holiday is going out to bars and restaurants

You need the conversation now. Don't wait until you're in Barcelona trying to juggle the needs of a clubber, a non drinker and a woman who won't go out after 6pm with everyone thinking everyone else is ruining it. It may not just be a Susan issue, as you might not want the same night as Elaine. Sit down together and talk and plan. Each person needs to say what they want to do and what they don't and you can agree some sort of itinary around that. If any if you think its not going to be for them, too scary for Susan, too boring for Elaine, they can decide whether to go or not. Holiday issues like this end friendships so it's more than worth having the honest conversation before hand.

but these all happened in the UK!
So does Elaine not leave her house after 4pm in the winter?

I thought you were going to say some Spain specific event that I had missed but no

she is being totally ridiculous.

you and Susan go out and have a great time, leave her behind

I am not a drinker but can’t imagine going to a Spanish city and not going going out after dark! It’s usually a terrific atmosphere.

Wow a unanimous YANBU

Elaine sounds boring.

to be fair, I’m wondering if this is made up as Elaine and Susan are ununsual names for someone in their twenties to pick….

You go out with one friend. Susan stays in hotel. Her choice. It's simple.

Lots of posts these days where OP never comes bk and then they are deleted by HQ

Sorry, just realised I got my names muddled up. Susan can stay in the hotel.

But these events didn't take place in Spain? Which city are you going to? I've never felt unsafe walking around Spanish cities in the evening (although I'm at that invisible age and with my husband).

Most Spanish cities use taxi apps - Uber / Bolt / Cabify - download them all then you have a choice depending on which is licensed in the place you are staying.

Your friend should be able to use Uber eats (or similar) to order food to your accommodation but it does seem a waste. For me, the atmosphere in the city in the evening is the only reason I would stay in the centre rather than cheaper accommodation on the outskirts or on the coast.

So?
Her choice.
I wouldn't either, ever.