Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

[curtainp0le]

I am going on holiday for 3 nights with 2 friends to a popular city in Spain in a couple of weeks. One friend, let's call her Susan, is keen to go to a bar or a club one evening. We are mid/late 20s but none of us are major clubbers or party people. I don't drink at all. The other friend, Elaine, is reluctant to go to a bar. She is scared to 'be out too late in a place I don't know. Scary stories in the news have made me extra cautious'.
I said that we will stick together, but even at that she is worried about walking back late to our hotel as we are 'still a group of girls'. I said there will be night buses and trams. I also pointed out that in Spain they eat dinner late and it will get dark about 7pm, so by necessity we will probably have to be out after dark if we want to have anything to eat. At this, Elaine said we will need to get a phone number for a taxi.

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about this attitude? I totally understand, in light of recent events, why she is concerned. I don't want to cause drama. But I also feel we need to be realistic that statistically anything like that is extremely unlikely. I don't want to feel restricted on the basis of Elaine's fears. I don't want to sit in the hotel from 7pm onwards. It's my holiday too! And Susan genuinely wants to go to a bar. How would you manage this?

She wouldn't be my choice of holiday companion.

What 'recent events'?

“In light of recent events” - what events!?

The solution here is Elaine stays in. You and Susan go out if you want, until whatever time you both deem appropriate.

Sounds miserable, just go out and leave her.

if you go away with her again, try Iceland in the Summer.

This is an excellent point.
Why are you only considering going out to a bar on one night?
You are on a city break in Spain. Trying out local bars and having tapas is a key part of being there. You don't need to get drunk - you'll see few Spanish people drunk - but don't you want to maybe see how the Spanish live? Maybe even chat to them? Experience the city life?

Go out for dinner somewhere new followed by a drink (alcoholic or non alcoholic) in a new bar every night. You can still be in bed by 11pm.

Otherwise you might as well stay at home.

What recent events? Have I missed something important?

Oh yes, many many years ago I went 9n holiday with two friends. We were about 24. On friend was very religious and said no clubbing, no revealing clothes off the beach, etc. Once we were there she became a little promiscuous shall we say. She had a lovely time with Georgios, Christos and Iannis. She was very smiley all the time and grizzled on the plane all the way home.

Well that won't work. Nothing will be open at 7pm in Spain except for a couple of tourist places. Most Spanish restaurants open for dinner at 8pm and 9 pm is a good time to start dinner. Followed by a nightclub or bar til the early hours.

7 is very early to go out in Spain!

Just back from Madrid and no issues getting taxis/uber anywhere just like in any other city.

I'm sure it's no more dangerous than going out in any city in the UK! I would tell her that you will he going out in the evenings as you feel it's perfectly safe and that if she doesn't want to come, that's fine and she can stay in the hotel.

Just get an Uber or a taxi for the one who wants to get home earlier. And both of you want to stay out. Sorted.

Honestly, some people are shit scared of travelling. Leave them at home

It is real unfortunately.

Friend does have a history of anxiety (as do I incidentally) so I think that's why this fear is exaggerated.

Recent events as in for example Ashling Murphy, Sarah Everard; women not being safe to live their everyday lives.

I travel alone - it's fabulous! - and have a friend solo in Mexico at the moment--

Her preferences don't trump the other two people's. See her safely back to the hotel then go out yourselves.

You know they have Ubers in Spain, right? A number of a local taxi - has she been living under a rock?!

What does she think is going to happen? Are you going somewhere particularly dangerous? She sounds like a bit of a wet lettuce. Tell her you are going whether she wants to or not. You don't go to a Spanish city to sit in your room.

Has she always been like this? Does she never go out for dinner in the uk?

I'd go out with Susan, but I wouldn't ridicule Elaine for her fears. I'd encourage her to come along but make it clear that it's her choice. It doesn't sound like she's an experienced traveller or knows the area you're visiting well so if she's suggesting things that don't make sense then I wouldn't compromise based on that. Its it's just different levels of caution, I might compromise (agree to take a cab home instead of the bus late at night, for example, or go to a restaurant you're all interested in for lunch instead of dinner so she can come along). If you're a more experienced traveller sometimes it's a fine line between helping someone throw off unreasonable fears and pushing them into something they really don't want. Go with your instincts and your knowledge of her as a friend.

If she does decide to stay in, I wouldn't worry - she's been out and about all day so it's not like she's not getting something out of the holiday. I am curious, though, what you mean about "recent events" - is there something specific that has scared her?

Some people aren’t right to go on holiday with.

I have some friends who are lovely - I enjoy their company/drinks/meals out.

I would never go on holiday with them as they are very narrow in the things they like to do on holiday and are scared of things that are unfamiliar.

Why is she even bothering to go?

Recent events as in for example Ashling Murphy, Sarah Everard; women not being safe to live their everyday lives.

I would suggest counselling for your fears. And going to the gym for some kind of self-defence.

The most dangerous place for women to live their everyday lives is at home with their partner.