Friend doesn't want to go out after dark on holiday

[curtainp0le]

I am going on holiday for 3 nights with 2 friends to a popular city in Spain in a couple of weeks. One friend, let's call her Susan, is keen to go to a bar or a club one evening. We are mid/late 20s but none of us are major clubbers or party people. I don't drink at all. The other friend, Elaine, is reluctant to go to a bar. She is scared to 'be out too late in a place I don't know. Scary stories in the news have made me extra cautious'.
I said that we will stick together, but even at that she is worried about walking back late to our hotel as we are 'still a group of girls'. I said there will be night buses and trams. I also pointed out that in Spain they eat dinner late and it will get dark about 7pm, so by necessity we will probably have to be out after dark if we want to have anything to eat. At this, Elaine said we will need to get a phone number for a taxi.

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about this attitude? I totally understand, in light of recent events, why she is concerned. I don't want to cause drama. But I also feel we need to be realistic that statistically anything like that is extremely unlikely. I don't want to feel restricted on the basis of Elaine's fears. I don't want to sit in the hotel from 7pm onwards. It's my holiday too! And Susan genuinely wants to go to a bar. How would you manage this?

Care to explain why?

So why bother going to that city then?

I went to Madrid last year with DD, one evening we met with one of her friends, they wanted to go on to another bar and club, around half past midnight. I walked a mile of so back to our hotel alone, and felt totally safe, there were loads of people about.

Last time in Spain with my ASD niece which meant eating early - we'd be leaving the restaurant at 9pm when most people would be just arriving! She's definitely going to be missing out if she refuses to go out after dark.
The cases you site are very rare, the women were alone and not the same circumstances at all. Of course one takes precautions. But you can't stop living half your life because if these cases.

Sarah Everard was killed by a serving police officer - does Elaine stay home for fear of coming across a cop in her daily life?

She’s being ridiculous. If she wants to stay in with a book, let her. But it makes the trip
pretty pointless.

Anxiety.
Personal choice.
Events of last couple of years, which stayed with me.

Presumably you wouldnt go on holiday though?

How do you leave the house only in daylight in the UK, presumably you work from home?

A. Spain … cities, everything happens late at night. No one having dinner at 5!!!

B. Make a WhatsApp group, use location tracker. That way she can know where u are, & you can track her.

C. If she stays in hotel, she can still track you.

It’s her choice, maybe she can do an Audio walking tour in the morning while you all sleep. (Rick Steve’s)

No, I wouldn't bother to go on holiday anymore.
Retired.

This is why I like to travel solo. Including in dodgy Asian countries.
Can no longer be bothered to conform to other peoples schedules and worries.

No way would I use a location tracker in Spain!

I always think it's so ironic that anxious people don't feel a bit anxious about pissing off those around them. There's a real sense of entitlement about people like this.

@Nothatgingerpirate

dont let your anxieties rule you! Go out! Go on holiday! Life is short. One day you won’t be able to do these things, life is for living.

Get a taxi, they are cheap in Spain

😂😂

@Timetoread

nah, it’s more fun to walk…might come a cute little bar in a side street for example

Then they’ve won

@Nothatgingerpirate

No, I wouldn't bother to go on holiday anymore.
Retired.

But the joy of retirement is that you can go on holiday when you want to without fitting in with other people's annual leave allowance.

Get a bit of winter sunshine when flights and accommodation are cheap. Wander round a Spanish city when it's not so busy ...

Your friend is being incredibly unreasonable. Spains restaurants don't really get going till well after 9pm, with families and kids eating at this time. It is a very safe country.

So which ultra safe place does your friend live, OP? Also what’s she planning to do when the clocks go back? Stay indoors?

Sorry I wouldn’t be indulging this at all. She can sit in hotel by herself.

She's being wildly unreasonable. I've spent time in Barcelona and Palma (among other cities not in Spain, including London and Paris) by myself until late at night and never thought twice about it.

Agree with PPs, if she wants to sit in the hotel from sunset every night then let her, but do not let it restrict you and your other friend! Incidentally one of the most fun nights out I've ever had (with a friend) was in Barcelona!

There is crime against women and all other types of people in Spain, just like any place in the modern world , including where your friend lives. However, the risk is small and you’ll all be together anyway.

I think you need to take her with you the first night you go out. She’ll soon see that there are loads of people out and about past 10pm, even lots of families with kids, eating and drinking at bars and restaurants. Am currently in Madrid for work, eating late with colleagues and walking back (alone) to my airbnb quite late. Totally safe, lots of people around, city well lit, no aggressive drunks like in the UK.

I agree! When she gets there, she might change her mind when she understands the vibe. She’s just trying to prepare herself. I think it’s good to be understanding but, if she doesn’t change her mind, you still need to have your holiday.

The women you mentioned were alone. You all sound sensible and as long as you stick together nobody is going to murder you.

Does she also avoid crossing roads, getting into cars etc etc? She needs to get counselling for her fears. I’d make it clear that she will be alone in the hotel room after dark if she refuses to go out.

Go to the bar with Susan and leave Elaine at the hotel.