Surname etiquette after marriage

[Gc1992]

Please help. My middle name rhymes with my fiancé’s surname so it sounds silly together. Keeping my surname and adding his on as a double-barrelled name also doesn’t sound right. I could change my middle name. Is this unreasonable? I can’t emphasise enough how silly the two names sound together! 😂

What happens if different members of a family have different names?

Nothing.

Yes, absolutely nothing happens. It's fine.

Keep your own name. It's so old fashioned to take the man's name now and it's the age of women retaining their identity so you'll be in great company 😜

Is it old-fashioned? 2 of my nephews got married this year and both wives (both professionals with careers) have taken their husbands’ names. My god-daughter is getting married early next year and intends to change her name too (even though her name with her new surname will be alliterative).

I’m all for it not being the norm, but I think in the UK, it still is.

Simplest solution: keep your own surname. Or your to-be husband change his surname to yours.

Agreed. Relinquishing your own family name is not part of the deal of marriage. Most men don't do it, after all.

Why don’t you believe women ever own their names?

If women’s names are just ‘their dad’s name’, aren’t men’s names also their dad’s name?

Make whatever choice you want but this take doesn’t make any sense to me.

I used “it’s another man’s name I have” as a point to people saying keep your own name don’t take a man’s name as it’s a symbolism of being “owned “by a man if you change your name. Or keep your own name, my own name was my fathers name and I was glad to see that’s back of it.

my surname is now my husbands family name, I love my surname and have had it love her than my previous one.

my point is use whatever surname you want!

I agree. Keep your own name and make it yours by what you do with your life. That’s what I’ve done.

Or have your husband take your name. His name is just his father’s name, after all!

My name might have been my father's name. But it is also the name I have used and put to any and all achievements all my life, and which I made my own. If I had changed it that person would have vanished.

It both seems simpler and easier - one name for all family members - but it has become a bit of a running joke with my husband, who would like me to take his surname. So I do, but not officially. Officially I use the name I always have used.

It can be an issue at passport control, when travelling with children, if they have a different surname from the adult they are travelling with. I’ve been questioned once or twice, and been advised to carry a copy of their birth certificates.

DH and I have traveled all over the place with DD since she was 4 months old. Neither of us has ever been questioned or had a moments hassle, because both of our names are on her passport.

Am I correct in that you're going from something like Sophie Jane Johnson to being a Sophie Jane Lane or similar? I suppose it would depend on how much you use your middle name. One of my friends uses her full name a lot and she'd probably avoid a rhyming name for this reason.

You're under no obligation to change your name if you don'g want to. If it bothers you that badly, don't change it. I've let people know I intend to change mine/ I use it socially but I've been too lazy and cheap to change my passport.

The argument regarding one name for all family members... not at all convinced.
In that case, why is it 99.9% of the time the woman who changes her name? Surely the same would still hold true if the man changed his name, no?

I’ve travelled a fair amount with my two kids with different surnames to me and never had any issues with the passports having different surnames on them.

"It can be an issue at passport control, when travelling with children, if they have a different surname from the adult they are travelling with. I’ve been questioned once or twice, and been advised to carry a copy of their birth certificates"

So either carry copies of their birth certificates. Or the man changes his name. Sorted.