Surname etiquette after marriage

[Gc1992]

Please help. My middle name rhymes with my fiancé’s surname so it sounds silly together. Keeping my surname and adding his on as a double-barrelled name also doesn’t sound right. I could change my middle name. Is this unreasonable? I can’t emphasise enough how silly the two names sound together! 😂

Why, in 2024, do you think the tradition, rooted in female disempowerment, has any merit whatsoever?

Shouldn’t we be at the point by now that both partners consider this, not only the female? Isn’t it time for the Penis Worship to stop?

And he can do the same.

Of course he can, if he wants to

He needs to change his name to yours or you choose a new surname together, if his doesn’t work?

No idea why she would if he won’t.

Well, sure; but I'm starting from what the OP already seems happy to do, and it would presumably fit in quite well if it already rhymes.

No, we don’t know her fiancé so none of us (except @Gc1992 ) know if he is willing to take her name.

From the sounds of it though, OP wants to take his name. So it doesn’t really matter what you think or speculate about fiancé.

I think it’s so sad when people say it would not occur to them to keep their original surname, because that is a big problem, the fact that changing surname isn’t even questioned.
Also people saying they have a horrible surname, if that’s so then don’t wait for some knight in shining armour to come along and rescue you from it, choose one you love and stick with it.
Converting your surname to a middle name suggests you like your own surname so wouldn’t it be easier to just keep it.
We double-barrelled DC surname which I think is a nice way to show the connection between us all.

Keep your name then! Or he can change his name. Has he given you a good reason why he can't?

NEWSFLASH, the sky stays where it’s meant to be if husbands take wives’ surnames, and if children are given their mother’s name. 🙀

When men can risk their lives to grow and birth babies they can be acknowledged by passing on their names.

I’ll be sure to tell my girls they have the choice, just like I did.

And I don’t regret my choice.

But there is really no need to be so passive aggressive and sarcastic with matters that are nothing to do with you.

Just do what is right for you and try not to be so forceful and derogatory if people choose to live their lives different to you.

My ADHD brain just can’t help seeing the bigger picture.

And if you advance search my username you may just realise why it’s such a big deal to me.

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat 🤣🤣 I really dont give a toss about female disempowerment or penis worship. What I DO care about is someone telling women what they should or shouldn't do in their relationships. I would never seek to tell anyone else what they should or should not do when they are deciding whether or not to change their name when they get married. It is none of my business what anyone else does with a decision like this, any more than it is anyone else's business to tell me what I should do. I wanted to take my husband's name when I got married, have never regretted it, and would do the same if I was getting married now. It's not sad to feel like this as another poster said - it was my decision and mine alone.

It’s obvious it’s a big deal to you. I’m sorry if you’ve had past issues/trauma related to this and if I get time I’ll try to find past threads of yours

Just try to be tolerant and empathetic of others choices. It’s difficult enough as it is posting for advice without people shouting others down if they’re in disagreement

Everyone should have their own name including the kids

@MissTrip82 So why do women do it?

So weird that you’d consider changing your own middle name rather than just…not taking his name because you don’t belong to him like a piece of farmland.

@Bellatrixpure Why automatically give your children your husband's surname?

My children have mine and my husband’s surname actually. And if you’re asking why I have taken his name, it is because I wanted to.

@Bellatrixpure Was it ever a conversation you had or just an assumption? My surname is the one I was given at birth; marriage did not change that.

My husband didn’t care whether I took his name or not, but he wasn’t going to change his name.

I took his. Oddly enough, I am the same person with a name that is mine now.

@User19876536484 I wonder why he felt like that?

Name reveal?

Middle names never really get used though. Especially out loud

Exactly. It’s a non-problem.