Surname etiquette after marriage

[Gc1992]

Please help. My middle name rhymes with my fiancé’s surname so it sounds silly together. Keeping my surname and adding his on as a double-barrelled name also doesn’t sound right. I could change my middle name. Is this unreasonable? I can’t emphasise enough how silly the two names sound together! 😂

I kept my maiden name. No issues.

Just keep your own name.

Surely the obvious answer is to nit change your name

You aren’t becoming a different person. You’re just getting married.

As many PPs have said, by far the most straightforward option is to keep your own surname. No admin, no hassle. However, if you really want to share a surname with your beloved, your options are:

1. he changes his surname to yours
2. you both double barrel
3. you both change your surname to a new surname that you choose together, could be a blended version of both your names or something else

If you keep your surname and later have children, please give them your surname! If he hasn't changed his surname, you can still give both surnames to the children (with or without hyphen). Don't relegate your surname to middle name!

Nobody ever uses a middle name. So if your name on your birth certificate is Jane Jemima Jones, you will be known as Jane Jones. If you marry John Smith, you can be Jane Smith, or stay as Jane Jones - either is fine, and it doesn't matter about your middle name.

Or just be Mary Jemima Hamilton - anything you like, it doesn't matter!

Just keep your own name

And give any children yours too.

IRL though...be interested to know how many women are actually Ms My Last Name upon marriage? I feel we are very firmly in the minority.

We are, sadly - in the UK, anyway.
Spanish women don't change their names after marriage!

This

Keep your name?

He takes your name if you want to share one?

We’ve been to 2 weddings this year and neither bride has taken the groom’s name. It’s increasingly becoming a dated construct. And double-barrelling is a bit silly.

Simple. Both take yours. How well does his middle name work with your surname?

I wouldn’t have, but civil partnerships were not available to straight couples 20 years ago.

I am.
What amazes me though is how many people just cannot get it into their heads that the name has stayed the same and call me Mrs 🤷🏽‍♀️

@BookishType Why is db'ing "a bit silly"?

Never thought how my middle name sounded with my new surname. My first name + surname sounds fine. Can't recall saying it in full

@Gc1992 there has never been any legal requirement to change name on marriage, not even years ago. So just keep your name.

@Ilovemyshed Same here. I'm a primary teacher and of course therefore I must be a Mrs. Nope; that's my mum's name!!!

Is it like Layla Taylor? I don't think rhyming is too bad. Depends if you already have DC with DP's name. For me, that would be more important. If not just keep your name and the DC can have both names.

@Hohofortherobbers You kept your family name?

The headteacher of my child's primary school got married and changed her name, I found that pretty sad tbh. What an opportunity to show a whole school full of girls - and boys - that it's totally fine and normal for women to keep their surnames after marriage!

@Hohofortherobbers Agreed. I've worked in huge primary schools and have literally been the only Ms My Name. Out of hundreds.
Explains why the children call me Mrs!

I kept my surname as an extra middle name. So instead of Jane Mary Hairy, you could be Jane Mary Smith Hairy, but just use Jane Hairy most of the time.

If only I could share a RL example of people I know who double barrelled and have ended up with the most laughable surname. Everyone says, ‘No. Really?’

And what happens if their kids continue the double barrelled thing when they get married? They’ll be quadruple barrelled. Which is ludicrous. Where does it end? 😂

Still don't understand... why the need to lose your family name and take your husband's?

@BookishType But if it sounds silly, simply don't change it. Stick with your family name.
Both hubby and I db'd. Our daughter can do exactly what she likes.