Surname etiquette after marriage

[Gc1992]

Please help. My middle name rhymes with my fiancé’s surname so it sounds silly together. Keeping my surname and adding his on as a double-barrelled name also doesn’t sound right. I could change my middle name. Is this unreasonable? I can’t emphasise enough how silly the two names sound together! 😂

Yes. In Spain there are literally thousands of people with 1024 surnames.

I agree!

I took my husband’s name predominantly because mine was bloody awful and I was thrilled to have a lovely surname at last.

And yet men usually keep their awful surnames.

I can't even remember the last time I said my middle name out loud it is so rarely used as an adult.

Two of my friends each split their last name and combined them to create a new one. I quite like that idea because you're both contributing half, like you do to the marriage, and it's not double barrelled.

Haha, that's brilliant!

My first name plus married surname means 'Reindeer Fish' in Swedish. I always tell people 😂

OP, I think you're probably over thinking this. I doubt it sounds as bad to other people as it does to you.

when I changed my name to my married name I dropped my half of my double barrelled first name.

No idea why people feel the need to marry these days anyway let alone change their name too. seen as though the vast majority of marriages end In divorce anyway. sorry to be so cheery!

I use my maiden name 90% of the time, on my passport, back account, etc but use my married name for family matters - kids’ school contacts, booking family activities, etc. You can choose what surname to use after marriage and don’t need to change it if it doesn’t work for you for whatever reason.

BINGO!

Your name is your name, presumably you have been happy with it up to this point. The sooner we end this stupid outdated practice of women taking their dhs name the better imo.

@Eatyourcrust May I ask why you use your "married name" for things like this?

I took my husband’s surname because mine was horrible and no one could spell it, and my married name is pretty cool. It took me a while to realise that my middle name rhymes with the American prononciation of my married surname, and sounds ridiculous if said aloud. I’ve been married a bloody long time though and it’s never been an issue, although it does raise a giggle on the odd occasion when the subject arises.

Keep your own surname; or
He takes your surname; or
You both find a new surname to share.

I loved my maiden name but also wanted to take DH’s name too, so changed name by deed poll after marriage and added my maiden name as a middle name so have:
first name
middle name
middle (maiden) name
surname

I should add that we did this with DS too - so he has my maiden name as a middle name also ☺️

Have you and your husband considered him taking your surname? If not, why not? If this isn't something he would ever contemplate doing, it's worth questioning the assumption that you will take his.

Every woman who keeps her own name and every man who changes his is helping to combat this automatic assumption that women's identities are less important than men's.

As a woman who didn't change her name on marriage, I can tell you about the pros and cons.

Pros:

I didn't have to change my name on any documents/email addresses/accounts etc. This is a huge plus! Fuck doing all that admin.

I feel like I have kept my own identity and it hasn't been erased in favour of a man's just because patriarchy.

My name still sounds just as good as it did on the day I was born when my parents made sure it didn't sound silly or spell anything rude.

Cons:

After I got married some people assumed I had changed my name and sent stuff to me as Mrs Husband's name. One thing got delivered to the Post Office and I didn't have any ID in that name which was a pain.

I don't have the same surname as my children. This doesn't really bother me because my son has a variant of my surname as his first name and my daughter has the same middle name as me. I haven't travelled abroad with them and without their dad yet but if I did I'd bring copies of their birth certificates and a letter signed by my husband. I don't think this is really a big deal.

You could have another middle name, perhaps someone from your heritage who you would like to honour.

How many women keep their family name but then give their children their father's last name? Personally not for me. Patriarchy again, no?

@TheGlitterFairy Did your husband add on to his name too?

I have been traveling abroad with my DC who I dont share a name with for over 20 years, with no letter and no birth certificates. No problems.
Ideally I would have liked them to have my name too but over 20 years ago that was a step too far.

I'm happily married but always wish I'd kept my maiden name!

Why can't he change his surname to yours?

Yep. Of course that’s what it is?

I can’t fathom why people think stating the obvious is some kind of amazing GOTCHA.

You’re so much smarter than other women! You’ve shown us all!

nothing can be more silly than my name.

i took dh’s family name and his surname is a colour, however my middle name is also a colour.

we've had a few giggles with it!

2chocolateoranges White Grey.

rarely use my middle name.