Partner's friends all hate me and to end relationship?

[victoriasponges]

Me and my partner have been together for 10 years and I am really thinking that it is time we went our separate ways.

We did split up in 2017 over a lot of issues, petty issues like he wanted to end it because I went on holiday without telling him after I had discovered that he had been lying about going out clubbing (he would say he was asleep).

Anyway in the time apart he made some new friends that he met through his cousin (male).
These are all guy mates and all have partners, and at times they have all chilled together with the partners and gone on holiday together etc.
They all have similar interests like smoking marijuana, grime music, festivals etc.

I have only ever met one of these friends (until last week) and his partner and that was 6 years ago.
During the split my partner badmouthed me so much to them that they have formed such a negative opinion on me that I am excluded from these events and not welcome on their home etc.

I met another one of his friends last week after many years of hearing about him and he told me that I "had taken his friend away from him."
I was stunned.
We recently had a baby and I have been at home all this time whilst partner has been abroad with his cousin, attended birthday dinners of his friends, had weekends away whilst I have looking after our child.

Partner now wants him and his partner to come to our home and have dinner etc.
I was not too keen on the idea as I have been excluded for years and not been made to feel welcome even though I have known my partner longer then them.

I really feel as if partner is still badmouthing me and we have had nothing but arguments about me apparently "telling him what to do" or "your stopping me from seeing my friends".

I have never said so such thing to him, if anything it's him who tells me what to do and bosses me around.
I often feel like a prisoner in my own home.
This is my house (he has his own flat) and quite often I am on egg shells with him.

He blames these nasty outbursts on withdrawing from smoking marijuana (he has smoked since he was 15 and is now 42).
I am a non smoker, I do not/have never taken drugs so obviously I don't want it in my home or around my child.
I find it difficult to understand this as I have never been in his situation, but I do sympathise with him which makes him worse towards me.

I am really miserable, he makes me feel so bad about myself.
And understandably I do not want to be sexual with him due to his verbal abuse and then I am compared to other woman who "would love to have sex with him".

I really don't know if it's these friends causing the problems by badmouthing me or if it's him.

He does mention things these friends have said about me such as telling him "not to give up your flat" because I am the kind of woman to leave him homeless.

I have never asked him to do that but when he has been asking for a key to my house I remind him that I don't have a key to his flat so he shouldn't have one to mine.

I am now trying to take a break from all this as it's really messing up my head.
I feel like if all these people hate me like it must be me.
AIBU?

Stop going round in circles.
Send him to live in his own flat.
Agree child contact arrangements
Live a beautiful life without him

Please get away from this disgusting pig.

You have a child now. A child who will be watching you very very closely and learning all about relationships and how women should be treated from you two. don't let your child down. Free yourself and go and live a brilliant life with your child.

Eurgh he’s horrible, he slagged you off (no man who loves you encourages other people to dislike you, it’s not them it’s him, he’s the one who’s making you sound like an arsehole), does what he wants then complains he’s being controlled.

It’s time to wave him and his friends goodbye. You’re losing your self-confidence and sense of worth

What on earth do you find attractive in this man?
You need to raise your bar off the floor

It's your "d"p that hates you, his friends only know what he says about you.
I'm incredulous that a 42 Yr old man is slagging you off to his friends.
Dump the waster, I'll bey your life will improve 100 fold.
You're lucky that you have your own house at least you can just shut your front door on the whole sorry saga.
You're worth more than this ❤️

It's like even yesterday I was feeding the baby breakfast and just asked him to check if the back garden gate was open as I wanted the AO work men to deliver the new appliances through the back to avoid a mess in the living room and all I got was abuse for hours.

I was told I was "being difficult" and how I was telling him to tell the workmen what to do, all I did was ask him a question.
He is very argumentative as well and he could see he had me in tears and just wouldn't stop.

I have to tolerate this on a daily basis and it's worst first thing in the mornings.

Our child loves his dad and I only have him round because I don't my son to miss his dad but now it's just getting to much for me mentally.
All I hear is about his friends and the comments they have made about me now.

It doesn't sound as though he is really your partner at all. You share a child and that is all. He otherwise lives the life of a single man with his own friends, his own holidays and probably with other women. I'm sorry OP but he doesn't seem to even like you, let alone have any respect for you.
You should end things with him and make sure he contributes financially for his child.

This is a toxic relationship. It’s over and this is the awful end bit unfortunately.

Agree on how best to raise your child. There is no better time to get on with your life and build a future for you and your child than today.

No offence I thought you and DP were in your 20’s the way you’ve painted everything out to be. 42!!!

You both need to break up. Seriously. Focus on your baby.

You do not have to live like this.

I have been a lone parent for 14 years, I can tell you my life has been peaceful and productive.

Finish it, get a CAO in place with the court so you do not have to constantly negotiate over access or holidays etc.

Then start grey rocking him. Only engage if it's about him coming to take DC for visiting. Do not let him visit in your own home.

You deserve a life of peace.

He sounds repulsive. End it right now before your baby grows up thinking his behaviour is OK.

Your partner is a dick. He’s a 42 year old man acting like a teenager and excluding you from his social life. Get rid of him.

This situation had been going on so long you've forgotten which way is up.
He's awful. Really awful. Not a good partner or a good father. He has no respect or care for you the mother of his child.

Let him go. Give him his full freedom so you can stop questioning the validity of your own point of view and (perfectly reasonable) feelings.
The only reason you're doubting what your instincts are screaming is because he's spinning everything like a ghastly government spin doctor getting the shit flying in an the wrong directions.

Once you are out of this, you will see it all so much more clearly.

Oh dear, I was reading your thread then I got to the bit where you announce you have had a baby with this person.

As someone else replied, I didn't realise how old you all are.

Your child can continue to adore daddy when daddy has the child during access times.

It's time to put your child first.

Daddy can return to his flat. end the relationship. Claim CMS and arrange when daddy can have access.

Sorry but this guy is 42 or 4???? He sounds pathetic and very childish.
Tell him to go back to his flat, sort out the co parenting agreement and move on with your life. He is bringing nothing to the relationship and treating you like crap. X

He has to go OP. His behaviour is not normal.

I'm 35 and he is 42.

I have approached the subject of us going our separate ways for months and all he will say is "well I am taking my son with me".

I will tell him again today that I want to move on and go our separate ways.

@victoriasponges sorry but what home is "our" home?? is it your place or his place because even after all this time and despite having a baby, you still dont live together? does he expect you to cook a meal for him and his mouthy friends then to allow then to smoke marijuana in your house with your baby present? why are you even with this child?? set yourself free from him.

He’s 42 and into ‘smoking marijuana, grime music, festivals’? Jeez why, oh why, did you think having a child with him was a good idea?

Good God woman, cut your losses and find a better role model for your son.

He can give it all that with the "I'm taking my son with me" but he may rapidly go off the idea when he realises that "taking his son with him" might get in the way of grime fezzies, getting stoned and living it large with all the women who are desperate to shag him.

OP, he's full of hot air. And shit. Get rid.

Two hours of abuse for asking him to check the gate???

He has some sort of arrested development issue. He's worse than a moody teenager, and he's on drugs.

He's shagging behind your back, treating you like crap. Seriously. Stop wasting your mental energy on this idiot.

Omg he is such a loser just bin him off and move on. Figure out if and how he fits into babys life later.

Its possible he is growing up but fucking hell, he os so much of a loser, who really cares.

He's scum. And so are his friends. Dump him and send him on his way. If he says, 'I'm taking my son with me,' simply say 'No. You're not. And I will call the police if you make any more threats. You and your stoner friends are not fit to be around a child, and I will be telling any court that, if you want to push the issue'.

He needs to fuck right off. He's vile.

So me and our baby live in a house and he spends 95% of his time here and the rest in his flat.

Yes he expects me to cook him meals, wash his clothes, give him sex on demand, but I refuse to do any of those things for him.
He does not contribute towards the bills, food shop when I ask him for money he says he has his own bills to pay for the flat.

He was expecting to live with me and keep his flat - the best of both worlds and I refuse to move him in.
I don't think he likes that I stand up for myself in that respect which makes him even angrier.

"XYZ's Mrs runs him a bath when he gets home from work and has dinner waiting on the table and they have 6 kids" he tells me nearly every other day, again to compare me to other women.