Mum will not call my son by his actual name

[Cheesybashful]

There more I think about this, the more it is getting to me.

Basically, I had my second child a few months ago, and my mum keeps calling him by other names instead of the one I chose for him. I'm not sure if she is doing it in a cutesy way (I'm not sure how it's cute, but I'm trying to understand her thinking), or is she trying to undermine the name I gave him on some level?

Is this something that happens? They are not cute pet names. They are just literal different names. Such as Johnny or Ellis?

My (thankfully now ex) MIL didnt like any of the 3 names we chose. And made it clear. Our 3rd daughter she just called "happiness" and it drove me insane. She literally refused to say her name.

For reference - all the names are fairly bog standard, all in the top 100 names, nothing outlandish (not that it would be OK of her if they were).

I'd make it very clear that you don't want him called by anything other than the name you gave him, its very odd behaviour. If you want to soften it, just say he's still learning his name and you don't want to confuse him.

If it was a pet name, something like 'pumpkin' or whatever then I'd say that's quite sweet. But just calling him by various other random normal first names is weird.
Tell her he needs to recognise and respond to his actual name. Calling him other names is confusing. If she does it again I would quite firmly say 'Can you stop calling him that please. His name is Bob'. You might have to repeat yourself a couple of times but eventually she has to get the message surely.

That’s really weird. She’s not American or South African, right? So it doesn’t make much sense for her to be obsessed with Trump or Musk in a political sense.

I agree with everyone else though. Just stop seeing her until she knocks it off. If she proves to be incapable of calling your child by the correct name, then there could definitely be something going on medically as well.

Tell her if she doesn't start calling him by his proper name, she won't see him. The End.

Start calling her Bob. See how she likes it.

I’m not sure what’s so difficult here? She’s being disrespectful and entitled. She doesn’t get to call your kids by anything except the names you’ve given them. “Mum, that’s not his name. I’m sick of you calling MY children by names that have nothing to do with them. Either stop, or don’t see the children. Those are the two options.”
She might sulk about it but it’s either you or her isn’t it? If she agrees then you have to clarify, “Fine. And I mean it- this isn’t temporary. If this happens again then you won’t be seeing the kids, do you understand that?” And you stick by it.

1. I'd just let her get on with the name thing. It changes all the time. It's unlikely to confuse your DS and it'll probably just become a cute grandma/grandson thing (grandma always calls me by different names!) as he gets older. Or it'll annoy him and he'll ask her to stop! Either way it'll work out.

1. If she is having a personality change and that's been reasonably sudden (you said in the last test?) their could be something medical going on and she should probably get herself checked out (assuming you can persuade her!).

She sounds quite like my mum. Quirky, inappropriate at times, strong views that don't align with mine etc etc. But she's also kind, a good listener and is always there to help out practically. Will drop everything if I need a hand with DIY or the garden etc etc. so I choose to see the good bits and I ignore/let the not so good bits wash over me. I am far from perfect and have plenty of bad bits myself which I hope a few others will also let wash over them too.

I also think a lot of parents, especially on MN, think they get to be in charge of everyone once they have children, they don't. You are just in charge of the children, not the entire family and anyone else that comes into contact with your child.

You are in charge of your children and cannot control the actions of others around you. But you can control how you react to it and if someone disrespects you as a parent you’re allowed to stop contact or pull them up on it.

Not using your child’s correct name and being told multiple times it’s annoying is disrespectful to the parents.

Your most recent update definitely indicates some sort of neurological thing going on whether dementia, mental illness or something else.

Why does new grandchildren bring out oddness in grandparents? Mainly MILs but its odd behaviour

call her out on it straight. She either calls the child his name or doesn’t see child

does sound like shes had a change in her personality. Perhaps there is something more there?

So it’s not like she’s calling Oliver Olli she’s calling him Michael (or such like). That is very odd, is she actually ok in her mind or could this be a sign that she’s losing some faculties? Is it worth more investigation?

I don’t have a problem with nicknames but this is bizarre and I would have to get very strict with her. If she didn’t stop I would shut her visit down each time.

Bizarre. I could understand a pet name such as " chicken"
As you've mentioned bleaching the walls
Does she have memory problems/ confusion at other times?
The defensiveness is odd too
I'm the last person to call Dementia but I wonder if it's the start of cognitive decline.

Adding to the chorus of it sounds like something isn't right with your mum, given your update. Definitely work towards getting her to a doctor if at all possible.

Yep, something very wrong here OP. Sorry.

Trash it out with her asap! Obviously she does not like his name and that is too tough!

Straight talking required here. Just say it loud his name is xxxx do you have difficulty in pronouncing it? I would say if you cannot use his given name then it's best you are not around him. She is being completely out of order. What's your DH thoughts on this issue?

Call her, when referring to her to your children, as Aunty Prue or Your Cousin Nancy or Grandpa George.

Don't use her name/Granny.
Start to use the name she likes to be known by after she has remembered your child's name.

Could she be losing her mind or remembering a dead child perhaps?

Is she calling him Dave?

Start calling her dad, see how she likes it

Worse Elon

I would call her different names as suggested and just tell her you like these names, and keep doing it.

I don’t think it’s acceptable and confusing for your child . Can she maybe not pronounce his name correctly ? Language / Speech impediment ?

She's batshit.

If she does it ONE MORE TIME, just tell her, 'Last chance, Mum. If you call him by someone else's name rather than his own ONCE more then you're not welcome round my son any longer and I'll cut all contact with you. It's pathetic and stupid and you have to stop. You don't get to choose a different name for my son. Now go away, grow up, and think about it'.