Mum will not call my son by his actual name

[Cheesybashful]

There more I think about this, the more it is getting to me.

Basically, I had my second child a few months ago, and my mum keeps calling him by other names instead of the one I chose for him. I'm not sure if she is doing it in a cutesy way (I'm not sure how it's cute, but I'm trying to understand her thinking), or is she trying to undermine the name I gave him on some level?

Is this something that happens? They are not cute pet names. They are just literal different names. Such as Johnny or Ellis?

@FiletMignon Well, she refused to use the name we chose and continued to call DD1 by the name SHE had chosen. No amount of discussion made her budge. In the end, I told her she was no longer welcome in my house until she learned baby’s correct name. Thought it would jolt her out of her stubbornness. Nope. She hasn’t visited my house in 19 years

This is just bizarre! Does/did she do any other controlling things like this?

Whatisup pretty obvious that it’s meant to be doesn’t

Did she do it with your first? My MIL did it with both our children - she didn't stick to one name herself but called them lots of different names each time she saw them. The first child more than the second, but it was something random she just liked to do. It tailed off when they got to 2 or 3 and they started correcting her themselves, ignoring her or getting cross at her for getting their name wrong.

She probably doesn't like the name you have chosen.
Ask her why she is calling DC these names. Listen to her. Then tell her to stop.

Does she have early onset of dementia? Have you noticed any other odd behaviour with her?

Sorry, I meant doesn't, obviously that was a typo!

When I was little my great aunt and great grandmother would sometimes call me by my mother's name. I could not understand it.

Now, mum sometimes calls her great granddaughter by her grandaughter's name.

And now, as a great aunt, I do understand. The generations fleet past and it seems only a little while ago my niece was a little girl; now she has one of her own. So many memories to sift.

So if it's an age thing, it may be wise to set aside your annoyance and talk with her about what lies beneath it. Have a coffee and a frank conversation.

If it's purely that she doesn't like the name you chose, she needs a good natured assertive talking-to. YOU are the mother, there.

But if it's that she is forgetting, fumbling for the right name, something could be wrong and she needs help. You are the daughter, there.

Which is it?

I liked the suggestion to call a toy by the wrong name so your child could soon help correct her.

I first thought 'start calling her Uncle Steve. That'll stop her.' But if there is genuinely a problem brewing it could make things worse.

As others have said - this just sounds like a play on Tilly Floss, a common nickname for girls, I’d think of it as similar to Buddy for a boy - not the same as calling your daughter Catrina when she’s actually called Lily.

Trying to cast my mind back to when mine were babies. To be honest I think we all just used a host of nicknames when they were tiny. No one was rejecting their given names, just you are not really addressing a newborn by their name in the same way you are a slightly older baby or toddler. But when we spoke to each other about the baby we would use their name. Maybe she is just being a bit of an arse. Possibly doesn't like the name and this is a passive aggressive reaction.

What name have you picked?

Next time she does it just say she is going to confuse him. His name is ......... and you would appreciate she calls him by it

It's weird but I probably wouldn't worry. One day the child will say 'silly grandma - that's not my name' !

Say to her, mother you keep saying the wrong name, we are starting to worry about your cognitive faculties, it could be an early sign of dementia. In any case, if you keep calling ds a random name, we won't be able to have you over anymore as it will be too confusing for him.

She sounds quite controlling and delulu.

What a weirdo you MIL is.

It’s not so secret code for “I don’t like your choice of name.”
If anyone asks whether they can call your baby by their middle name —they don’t like your choice of name.
If anyone asks whether there is a different version of your choice of name it’s probably also because they don’t like it.
If anyone declares that the baby looks like or suits a <different name>, they don’t like your choice of name. It’s just passive aggressive.
I’ve had so many compliments on a name but nothing but disinterest from some family members.
Perhaps introduce your family member as a different name to someone in public. Oh sorry! I though we were playing a game, you were enjoying it earlier when you kept calling baby Rueben Archie!

“Mum I’ve tried to tell you I don’t like you using the wrong names for my baby but you continue to upset and disrespect me because you’re still doing it.
You’re going to have to make a choice- call my baby by his actual name and continue to see him, or keep calling him by names that aren’t his and don’t come round/we won’t visit anymore”.

I agree with changing her name to one she wouldn't like. Myra maybe?
Or say you're worried about early onset dementia as she keeps forgetting his real name.
I'd go so far as to not visit and avoid her if it was me but that's my nature. I can't stand things like this it's disrespectful.

How bizarre. Just say "hey dad, stop that" if she asks why you're calling her dad, just say you thought everyone was addressed by using random names now.

Snap. Are you me? 😂

😂 Love it

‘Why haven’t I seen you for three weeks? Are you avoiding me?’

’Well mum I hate to say it but what’s the point now? If you’re going to carry on with this awful nonsense with DC’s name then I’d rather he didn’t have to see you at all than get to the point he starts getting upset that you won’t use his name and call him something else. It’s such a bullying, rejecting thing to do, our names are part of our identities. It’s already upsetting DC1 and making her think you’re being nasty somehow. I don’t know what your problem is but it isn’t something we can accept. Sorry, I’m gutted too.’

I’d do this. Some name she (I would hope) really wouldn't like, e.g. Gertrude or Ethel.

When my late mother reached her late 60s to 70s, she started having trouble quickly recalling the names of her grandchildren, friends etc and would recite several names of relatives and other people known to her before arriving at the correct one. She had a lot of grandchildren and a lot of friends.

For example, if she was about to tell me something about James or she was talking to James, she might run through Mike, Ralph, Geoff, Peter, Simon, before arriving at James. These weren't random names but always the names of people she knew and she never mixed the sexes up, so if she was struggling to find "James" it would be a list of male names she would run through.

If your mum is calling your son other names without first running through a list of other relatives/friends in her circle, then it's not quite the same as my mother's problem, but I do wonder whether she is having trouble recalling your son's name and is substituting other names instead, rather than deliberately not using your son's name.

I think the next time she does it you should say: Mum I am really very concerned about you. You seem to have serious difficulties remembering very simple things, like your grandchild’s name. It makes me worry that there is some underlying health issue. Shall I call the doctor for a dementia check?

My aunt used to do this but she admitted it was deliberate. She didn’t like my daughter’s name so decided she’d use one of its nicknames instead. She outright said, “I’m not calling her (actual name). I don’t like it so I’m calling her * * (nickname) instead.” She addressed cards and my daughter personally like this. DD went from being mildly confused to finding it rude as she got older.
I still can’t believe she kept this up and felt ok about it. She’s a generally nice lady. I did wonder if it was because her meds weren’t right.

My mother never called my brother by his actual name, but she did only use two others.