Mum will not call my son by his actual name

[Cheesybashful]

There more I think about this, the more it is getting to me.

Basically, I had my second child a few months ago, and my mum keeps calling him by other names instead of the one I chose for him. I'm not sure if she is doing it in a cutesy way (I'm not sure how it's cute, but I'm trying to understand her thinking), or is she trying to undermine the name I gave him on some level?

Is this something that happens? They are not cute pet names. They are just literal different names. Such as Johnny or Ellis?

Oh God, No

Oh Dear Op

She gets offended when I've asked her not to call him that. She tried to make me feel bad last time I told her to stop. Saying things like 'oh you won't let me call him George now (the other name before Elon), I'm not allowed, but he'll always be my Georgie', in a sad voice.

Just a thought on this, but how is your mum on remembering other peoples names, particularly those she isn't as familiar with?
Not wanting to worry you but could be early signs. It was the first thing that went with my friend's mum. Despite being friends since we were 4, she couldn't remember my name one day. I'd noticed her struggling the previous Christmas with the names of some people that were coming to visit but as the names didn't come immediately she quickly redescribed them as relatives of deceased DH's family, not people she saw that often, and didn't really think anything of it at the time (we all get forgetful).

EDITED TO ADD

Of course, as it really is annoying and there likely isn't anything wrong with her, you could be very concerned that your mum perhaps has signs of early onset dementia as she cannot remember your son's name and that she should seek medical advice?

You really need to make it clear that it’s a deal breaker. “Sorry mum I can’t be around you whilst you continue to upset me by calling my baby the wrong name. Let me know when you’re prepared to call him the right name and we can start seeing you again.”

My grandmother did this to me my whole life. Didn't really bother me although I think it bothered my mum.

What does your Mum like to be known as? Gran/Nana/Granny/Nan/Nanny? Call her something that you don't think she would like in front of your DS.

I've not noticed her being bad with names. Although, I have noticed in the last year or so she is like a more extreme version of herself. For example, she is on the side of Israel in the whole conflict... and she keeps posting pro Israeli things on SM continually. You cannot reason with her, or get her to think of the other side (I'm not saying she isn't entitled to her view, but she doesn't try to see the alternative). She was once very liberal, but now she supports Trump and is obsessed with Elon musk at the moment, she was playing YouTube videos about him loudly the other day, so everyone in the room could here. The other day, she used a degrading term for a person from Pakistan (which if she had heard someone say when she was younger she'd have been outraged). Also, she has mould on one of the walls in her house (old victorian house) and so she literally started mopping the wall with water mixed with bleach and left the wall soaking, so now the skirting board are coming apart (not that she's noticed)and the mould is worse. If you mention these things to her, she becomes very defensive.

Sorry to go on!

I'd nip this in the bud immediately and point out that she's going to confuse DS with this immature behaviour. And if she continues to behave this you will limit her contact with DS.

WTAF! 😂 This may possibly be the weirdest thing I've heard in a while.

Could be worse I guess, she could be calling him 50 cent or Slim Shady.

You could teach him an Eminem song though "hi my name is what? My name is who? My name is, chika chika NOT ELON"

Yeah, I wouldn't be leaving DC with her unsupervised anymore.

Just tell her to stop it. If she doesn’t, don’t take him to see her.

This must be a joke, yes?

@Cheesybashful your update is worrying. My very liberal dm became homophonic but we think she'd had a TIA. She hated all of that before. She avoided drs as much as possible. She made it to 87 though. I presume your dm is pretty young?

Ok, from your update, something is very wrong - personality change, breakdown in thinking things through, defensiveness. She needs to see a doctor

This is perhaps not as usual as I first thought!

Two dotty old ladies (neighbours) called my son “Sarah” from the day I brought him home from hospital til they both went in a care home!

Considering he was quite often in blue, and just looked like a boy, they wouldn’t budge from calling him Sarah! I’d correct them every time but it made no difference, so I gradually started to have as little contact as possible.

Just odd behaviour!

People did this too me all my life, I have a non English name and people would decide I needed a more 'normal' or 'proper' name (told that many times, people would say calling me a 'fake sounding name' was 'rude') and call me an unrelated name. I HATED is and it was so disrespectful.

If it helps it happens even with names that are actually quite familiar. A Spanish friend had loads of people calling her daughter by the English verson of her name. When she told me I was really surprised because the Spanish version is itself very well known in this country because a famous person has this name.

I was telling DM a story about one of DD's friends and when I said her name my Mum questioned me multiple times and accused me of getting her name wrong! The friend (who Mum doesn't know) has a very pretty name that is common in Africa and the middle east. Mum was convinced I was mispronouncing the English variant of the name and would not let it go. It almost felt like if I'd anounced the child was called Balonz she'd have found that easier to accept than this slight variant of a name she knows!

That is very strange, I agree with PP, it sounds passive-aggressive to call your DS literally different names, must be confusing, or will be, for DS and very annoying for you OP. She'll have to stop before your DS begins to respond to his name, have it out with her soon OP.

I would start referring to her as 'Granny Musk' until she stops.

I wanted to call my daughter Delilah (we didn’t in the end) but my mum said if we did she would never call the baby by this name because she hated it. I promptly told her she wouldn’t be seeing the baby then. I would suggest trying a similar approach.

Yokes! That's almost worse!!!

Or Musky Gran

This is insane.

Genius

Unless this ^ is the case, I would be stopping all contact until she could use your son's name. It's not fair on him, it's confusing, and it's super disrespectful. And, on your mum's part, it's VERY easy to get her contact reinstated. Just call him by his actual bloody name!!

start calling her Dad. Tell her you like the sound of it better than mum.

Or just tell her that she's not fooling anyone. you know it's because you didn't choose the name she proposed like you did with your daughter but she either stops with her bullshit or she can call both your kids any name she likes but it won't be to them because she won't be seeing them.

Let her tantrum about it. Don't let 'fear' of her stop you from putting your kids first and not subjecting them to her stupidity.