Mum will not call my son by his actual name

[Cheesybashful]

There more I think about this, the more it is getting to me.

Basically, I had my second child a few months ago, and my mum keeps calling him by other names instead of the one I chose for him. I'm not sure if she is doing it in a cutesy way (I'm not sure how it's cute, but I'm trying to understand her thinking), or is she trying to undermine the name I gave him on some level?

Is this something that happens? They are not cute pet names. They are just literal different names. Such as Johnny or Ellis?

She's playing dollies with him instead of grandparenting - imagining she's the mum.

That would grate very hard indeed with me. Liking the idea of calling her by some other name of your choosing.

"Why do you keep calling me Famagusta Mingemaster? I am your Mum"
"I prefer it 😘"

So weird!!

Does just call her doctor/the postman whatever she feels like too?!

Bizarre and I’d be asking her that!

What are the names? It was common in the 80's to use, flossy, missy, dolly etc (I had girls). But you say they aren't NN, so as he gets bigger it's just going to get strange. I'd point out that while he's learning, it's confusing for both, him and you.

My MIL did similar as she wasn’t keen on our son’s name. And it was from my family side, not theirs. She called him by his initials for a quite while. It really annoyed me but we gently stopped her eventually, can’t remember how. Repetition and never using the initials ourselves, I think.

Using completely different names is bat shit though.

Be firm but kind in the face of her rudeness if you can. Absolutely everyone who counts will think she’s crazy.

I would be concerned rather than angry. Does she often do things like this?

She's trying to assert some sort of control over your ("her") child and passively agressively saying she doesn't like the name you've chosen for him.

Unless it's a cute nickname I'd be asking about making her a GP appointment as I imagine that might make her reevaluate her behaviour.

DAunt did this wrong name thing when DSis was born and also when DSis' own children were born as she didn't approve of their names as too masculine sounding/trendy (they really weren't!) She had no DC of her own to name though so I think was over invested.

@Pumpkinseason3 We had the whole dreaming of a redheaded granddaughter thing going on too with my DF!!

I think it depends on the names?

My son has a name that isn't short for anything but could be. Think Harry to Henry or Ted to Edward.

My family sometimes purposefully call my son the longer version jovially because it's funny to have like the opposite of a nickname, but my son knows they're not his name so it isn't really a problem.

If she's genuinely calling your child different names that bear no relation or resemblance you need to put boundaries in place. If she is usually respectful of your boundaries I would wonder if there's a medical reason why she's not mentally capable of grasping his name.

Ask her if she needs to see her Dr as she isn't acting like she is very well....

I'd call her other names and tell her she can come back when she learns his actual name.

I don't think this is the same thing to be honest. 'Tilly Floss' is a fairly commonly used 'nickname' or 'cutesie' name for girls. Lots of people use it (or variations of this...Tilly/Floss/Flossie).

I think the OP's mother is quite literally refusing to use the child's actual name and substituting a completely random one instead, which is very bizarre behaviour 😱

I know it's not going to help you but I'm 100% behind you starting to call her either

1. Dave
2. Famagusta Mingemaster

Thank you very much @Jifmicroliquid and @Couldyounot for those wonderful suggestions. Apologies to anyone who made other suggestions but those are my personal favourites!

My MIL did this. When DD1 was born, she made it clear what we were to name her. We obviously didn’t follow her instructions because we had a perfectly nice name picked out. We just hadn’t revealed it because we didn’t want anyone’s opinion on it until the baby was born.

Well, she refused to use the name we chose and continued to call DD1 by the name SHE had chosen. No amount of discussion made her budge. In the end, I told her she was no longer welcome in my house until she learned baby’s correct name. Thought it would jolt her out of her stubbornness. Nope. She hasn’t visited my house in 19 years and doesn’t mind. Still continues to call now adult DD by the random name she’d chosen for her; which DD obviously just ignores. What a waste, honestly

This is so batshit! And you ended up having a boy?! 😂

Cracking up at ‘Famagusta Mingemaster’. Perfect username.

My controlling MIL did this, because we named our child a name she didn't approve of. She ignored our requests to use our child's correct name for 2 years (!).

It ended when we started to call a toy by the name MIL was using. Only when our child just started dumping said toy on MIL's lap then toddling off and ignoring her, did she start using the correct name.

@FiletMignon wow. 19 years. That is insane.
Another vote for calling her by another name OP. Famagusta Mingemaster. Classic. Change it up each time. Just for the laugh.

I don't think my mum liked our choice of name for Ds, as she called him by a variant of his middle name for a while. This probably lasted 6 months or so, until she got used to his actual first name. I think it's some sort of mild form of attention seeking, given their lack of control in this new person's life, so don't confront or really mention it. They'll get bored and realise how silly they're being.

If she does it in front of someone else just say: "Oh dear, I am afraid my Mum is starting to get forgetful and cannot remember Johnny's name - I have to keep reminding her. It is such a shame."!

My DF did this to DN - a very slightly different name as he liked it.

DB had firm words, as did I when I found out.

Those are pet names. My DM sometimes says Tilly Bud or Flossie to DDs - she is not suggesting those should be their actual names which the MIL is doing here passive aggressively.

It sounds more like she doesn't like the name! Why would you think she uses other names because she likes his actual name? 😅

Given you have 2 dcs, this is unfair on dc1 who I assume is pretty young and could get confused.

Tell her she has to use your dc2’s real name, it’s too confusing for dc1 to hear their sibling being called something else. It doesn’t matter if she likes the random names she’s calling the baby, that’s not the baby’s name.

But that presumes you think she’s doing it deliberately- if you think there’s a chance she’s getting forgetful, might be worth having a wider family chat.

My nan did this to my poor mum when I was born! Kept calling me Lucy (not my name) for a year or so. She was an odd woman a big drinker, so they just chose to ignore her and she stopped eventually. Not sure on your mum - but you definitely could not reason with my nan!

Famagusta Mingemaster 😂😂😂