To think he deserved what he got?

[MrsBunTheBakersMum]

I want to preface this with violence is never the first answer and there was better ways of dealing with it.

I got a call from ds (13) school to say that he had been in trouble because he punched a boy in the face and knocked him to the ground, ds is autistic and wears a hat as a comfort item, he’s worn a hat every day for three years and is extremely protective of his hats, no one touches them not even me and his dad. The last time he got into trouble for violence was nearly two years ago when a kid took his hat and wouldn’t give it back. My ds is also gender confused at the moment, and has been since he was 7! (Still Goes by he/him) most people see a quiet gentle effeminate boy and think he will be a pushover but he’s not.

basically the kid took his hat and denied it, ds got in his face and asked for it back and he threw it into the mud at which point ds pushed him towards it and said “pick it up” (all on cctv with audio) the kid said no and pushed back, there was a scuffle and next thing the kid is on his arse on the floor holding his face and ds just calmly picked up his hat and walked off.
school were surprisingly understanding and said he wouldn’t try it on with ds again! Ds is getting isolated at break times for a day but won’t be suspended.

obviously I’ve spoken to ds about how there’s better ways to deal with things than resorting to violence but part of me wants to give him a high five! He’s always been a target for bullies for obvious reasons but I’m quite old and from the generation that understood that if you didn’t knock a bully on their arse and humble them they’d never stop. Hopefully this kid was suitably humiliated by getting his arse handed to him by a boy in a pink hat in front of the whole school and will learn a lesson from it.

He was defending himself and setting his boundaries. The other boy started it, your son finished it, job done 🤷‍♀️

I think I remember Noddy kicking the shit out of Big Ears when he nicked the bell off his hat?

Good on your son!

Violence is never the answer. If your DS does this kind of thing as an adult, he'll end up in a police cell. He should have told the playground supervisor that this kid had taken his hat, refused to give it back, and thrown it in the mud. Learning to regulate our emotions is a valuable skill that we all need to practice.

Now you've said that.. it does ring a bell 😳

Power to your ex and his daughter.

Bollocks to the school.

MN search function is absolutely terrible but this is the thread I was thinking of

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5037696-assaultsuspensiontrans-child

Good for your son!

YANBU. Sometimes the only way a bully is stopped is by standing up to them.

Except the other boy may not consider it finished.

I don't think we can say that this was a bully picking on the Op's ds. It sounds like a one off incident - yes irritating, but not bullying unless he's been doing other things the OP hasn't told us, and that seems unlikely.

So really it was ott and not particularly "good on him", with the aggression seems to be mostly on the Op's ds' side.

@NeverDropYourMooncup in Five have a Mystery to solve, Anne throws a pail of water into Wilfred's face when he's annoying her. It was always one of my favourite moments.

I voted yabu because you don’t solve violence with violence but….

As a mum of an asd child I wish that I felt differently and that his bullies had known how it felt.

This. It may be difficult for him to comprehend who to do that too and who not to. There are some absolute loons in this world now.

I have a DH and a DS who are both very particular about their hats / being touched etc. No official diagnoses on either of them, though.

I think its good your son stood up for himself but when he is 18 if he lumps someone, he can be charged with assault. So its probably better to look forwards and how to handle it further down the line (i.e. seek help from someone in authority).

I'm so sorry to hear. It's very difficult and does change you. Sending thoughts to your daughter.

There is CCTV - the assaulted boy's parents may wish to report the assault to the police, and at 13 the OP's son could be charged.
It'd be in the OP's interests to dissuade her son from violence, because if it becomes a pattern she (as his parent) can be held criminally responsible.

Another teacher here adding a well done.

I am usually anti-violence, but I am happy that your son gave that little bully what for. Very well done.

Good on him! Too much pandering and tiptoeing around bullies nowadays.

No not me

He wasn't though. He punched the boy because he wouldn't pick up the hat. He became the aggressor by shoving the boy towards the hat to pick it up. If it wasn't for the prevalence of knife crime, or gang attacks, it wouldn't need addressing, but I think that we've got to tell teens to walk away when they can.

It should also be noted that it isn't uncommon for younger "bullies" to hang around with older exploitative teens/men who will act as "support" for these youngsters to draw them in. Does your DS go out a lot on his own outside of school? It's a very dangerous social arena for young men and as I said, the most valuable skill to learn is to be unbothered, say I don't give a shit and walk away. A high proportion of young men in prison are ND and vulnerable and end up there due to their poor coping skills. I'm not saying your DS will end up in prison but you need to be far more street wise OP.

Interesting post but I was appalled by the language from some people. Is this how you speak in front of your children? If so, I can see how they could be aggressive, whether or not provoked. Shame on you!

What that child did was not ok. Yes the child was being nasty (not a bully as it doesn't meet the definition of bullying) but certainly an arsehole doing it to wind your child up.

Your child needs to be taught how to deal with people who are arseholes in this world and when reasonable force is ok. This was not reasonable force.

This exact same thread was on MN about 3 years ago. Right down to the hat and the trans issue