To think he deserved what he got?

[MrsBunTheBakersMum]

I want to preface this with violence is never the first answer and there was better ways of dealing with it.

I got a call from ds (13) school to say that he had been in trouble because he punched a boy in the face and knocked him to the ground, ds is autistic and wears a hat as a comfort item, he’s worn a hat every day for three years and is extremely protective of his hats, no one touches them not even me and his dad. The last time he got into trouble for violence was nearly two years ago when a kid took his hat and wouldn’t give it back. My ds is also gender confused at the moment, and has been since he was 7! (Still Goes by he/him) most people see a quiet gentle effeminate boy and think he will be a pushover but he’s not.

basically the kid took his hat and denied it, ds got in his face and asked for it back and he threw it into the mud at which point ds pushed him towards it and said “pick it up” (all on cctv with audio) the kid said no and pushed back, there was a scuffle and next thing the kid is on his arse on the floor holding his face and ds just calmly picked up his hat and walked off.
school were surprisingly understanding and said he wouldn’t try it on with ds again! Ds is getting isolated at break times for a day but won’t be suspended.

obviously I’ve spoken to ds about how there’s better ways to deal with things than resorting to violence but part of me wants to give him a high five! He’s always been a target for bullies for obvious reasons but I’m quite old and from the generation that understood that if you didn’t knock a bully on their arse and humble them they’d never stop. Hopefully this kid was suitably humiliated by getting his arse handed to him by a boy in a pink hat in front of the whole school and will learn a lesson from it.

Good for your son.

I would be worried about situations like this escalating and your DS getting injured or getting into trouble with the police. I don't think there is anything to celebrate, it sounds like a horrible incident all round.

The school sounds pretty poor if that really was their response. What are the school doing to prevent incidents in future?

I don’t think that was me, I don’t believe I posted about it last time.

I wish my daughter had done the same.....maybe she wouldn't be the fucked up mess she is now with scars on her body from self harming...
It's stayed with her too- and it changed her.

Well done to your kid!

I was bullied as a kid by a couple of sisters who got away with murder as they were from a ‘rough’ family everyone was scared of.
One day, having been chased and stung by nettles and hit with sticks, I absolutely pasted them.
One was missing a clump of hair where I swung her into a ditch by her ponytail and the other was split above her eye and still has a scar from where I walloped her.

Funnily enough despite the very visible damage I inflicted, I was not punished my anyone.
That was almost 40 years ago and I have never been in a fight since. They never bothered me again and when they moved into girl gang territory in secondary school they and their new mates gave me a wide berth and still do!

It’s all very well to say violence is not the answer but sometimes it’s the only thing that will be understood. Bullies are weak and avoid people who will show them up.

No, I don't think your son should've punched the boy in the face.
Given there is CCTV, the boy's parents may involve the police (I'm very surprised at the school's response, they should NOT be condoning violence).

YANBU. I'd be congratulating him. It's clear he isn't violent for no reason so he did nothing wrong at all. Good for him!

My ex's teenage daughter had just gone back to school after her grandma died after a very long illness (MS).
A lad sitting behind her kept pulling her hair and laughing. She told him to stop several times (she was obviously still stressed and very upset about her grandma, they'd been very close) but he carried on.
So she turned round and shouted at him to fuck off.
She was put in isolation. Even though the school knew the circumstances, they blamed her, didn't do anything about him.
Her dad went to the school and read them the riot act (it was his mam who had died). He said he understood why his daughter had been put in isolation, but why had nothing been done about the lad's behaviour?
"We have rules. She swore at him."
That was it. 'We have rules.'
Nothing about bothering and tormenting an emotional and grieving child.

On a side note, trans and gender dysmorphia (not suggesting he has either) has been shown to have higher prevalence amongst autistic people. It's an interesting link that I didn't know before.

@katseyes7 funny how the rules are generally not applied to the bullies isn’t it!

All well and good until the boy comes back with three of his mates and kicks the shit out of your DS. I'm all for standing up for yourself but angering bullies further is a bad idea.

That it's ok for pull girls hair?! I would go mental at this.

Well done him. Ignoring bullies doesn't work because it's not the victim's response that they find rewarding - it's the jeering and egging on from their friends which ignoring doesn't change. So good for him.

I would have a hard time punishing him for this...

The satan thing calls back to an old thread where I mentioned I was a satanist and it became a whole thing.

As a joke, I presume?

No, the OP is a Satanist.

The thread's still there in Site Stuff from years ago.

Are you the poster who sent her child into a faith school on non uniform day with a 'satanic/ devil worship themed hoody on'?

Good for him! It's nice for you to know he can stand his ground when needed.
Don't mess with the hat !

Yes there is 5% of the general public is autistic yet 1/3 of all gids patients are autistic, 3/4 are female, 50% are child abuse/child sexual abuse victims and I can't remember the % who were in care or had been in care at some point.
The 1 thing that all of these kids have in common is being vulnerable and I don't mean because they're trans.
I don't know much about the other groups but I do know quite a lot about the deliberate targeting of asd kids with groups like mermaids claiming that transitioning can cure asd 😡🤬 and asd charities pushing trans ideology if your interested

I don't blame him, but have to agree with a pp that school should have punished both of them. I have three sons and I have told all of them if they hit someone outside if school they will be deep shit with the law. One punch, one gbh charge, no dbs etc.

The world will never bend for our ASD kids. That's a sad lesson they need to learn young. Whether we like it or not.

My sons punched a fair few bullies.

The problem with this approach (throwing the first punch) is that if he always applies this technique, as he gets older, out of school, on nights out, the other person could very well have a knife or have a gang of mates and DS could suffer very badly. Better to teach him to walk away, for his own safety. Not all opponents are cowardly school boy bullies. One of the most important skills for young boys is to walk away or how to defuse high risk situations without resorting to violence.

I swear I know this post. The last time the child was a natal girl who wanted to present as a boy and the child who was hit in the face was younger than OPs child. OP kept talking about comfort hats and protected characteristics

My worry would be when he gets out in the real world and does something similar to some meathead with a knife. I would be very clear with him this is not acceptable for his own sake if not for anyone else’s

Oh wow I wasn't aware of the link with abuse, I'll look into that.

I don't remember a book where Anne lamped some twat picking on Timmy that turned on her next. I think it might have been my favourite if there had been, though.