To think he deserved what he got?

[MrsBunTheBakersMum]

I want to preface this with violence is never the first answer and there was better ways of dealing with it.

I got a call from ds (13) school to say that he had been in trouble because he punched a boy in the face and knocked him to the ground, ds is autistic and wears a hat as a comfort item, he’s worn a hat every day for three years and is extremely protective of his hats, no one touches them not even me and his dad. The last time he got into trouble for violence was nearly two years ago when a kid took his hat and wouldn’t give it back. My ds is also gender confused at the moment, and has been since he was 7! (Still Goes by he/him) most people see a quiet gentle effeminate boy and think he will be a pushover but he’s not.

basically the kid took his hat and denied it, ds got in his face and asked for it back and he threw it into the mud at which point ds pushed him towards it and said “pick it up” (all on cctv with audio) the kid said no and pushed back, there was a scuffle and next thing the kid is on his arse on the floor holding his face and ds just calmly picked up his hat and walked off.
school were surprisingly understanding and said he wouldn’t try it on with ds again! Ds is getting isolated at break times for a day but won’t be suspended.

obviously I’ve spoken to ds about how there’s better ways to deal with things than resorting to violence but part of me wants to give him a high five! He’s always been a target for bullies for obvious reasons but I’m quite old and from the generation that understood that if you didn’t knock a bully on their arse and humble them they’d never stop. Hopefully this kid was suitably humiliated by getting his arse handed to him by a boy in a pink hat in front of the whole school and will learn a lesson from it.

Good on him for dealing with a bully.

Im trying to teach my daughter not to react violently to situations like this even in retaliation to violence unless absolutely necessary and just go and find someone to help for a number of reasons:

1. Where I’m from knife crime is high especially amongst stupid kids who go round carrying knives.
2. One punch can end a life.

I hope your son is ok 😁

My stance is you shouldn’t start something you can’t finish, and the other lad started something he could not finish. Lessons learnt for him!!

I always told my kids don't hit first, but if anyone touches you or any part of you without permission, you say stop once, after that you go sort it out yourself. Might be awful and not the correct way to deal with these precious little bullying snowflakes, but I bet he will leave your son alone in future. Sometimes a fast thump deals with a lot of issues like this, rightly or wrongly, some people don't learn until they are confronted with the consequences of their own actions.

The only thing that concerns me is that you say your DS punched the other child in the face - that is quite a violent and seemingly out of proportion response for the what the boy did and could have ended in a very serious outcome for the other child. Even a broken nose can result in life long disfigurement. I am all for people standing up for themselves but it needs to be proportional. Maybe it was more of a slap or a gentle punch, and maybe that will be the end of the matter, but I guess you will have to wait to see whether the other child was injured and whether his parents take further action eg notify the police of the assault. I would certainly tell your son that punching someone in the face can result in serious unintended harm, including death of the other person, and that it is not ok for him to do this again.

I think the other boy has learnt a valuable lesson in life that he shouldn’t interfere with anyone else but punching someone in the face and knocking them to the ground is a massive over reaction.

I think it makes your son more vulnerable though. Some boys will see him as someone fun to wind up. The possibility of an unpredictable and potentially violent reaction will appeal to bored boys looking for some excitement on an otherwise dull school day.

My dad taught us the same. Don't start trouble, but if someone brings trouble to you, don't be afraid to finish it.

Bullies only understand one thing, and that's people standing upto them. They now know he's not a pushover so good for him.

@MrsBunTheBakersMum well done to your son for standing up to that horrible bully! he wont touch him again! as I always said to my kids and grandkids, dont hit first, but always hit last!

So am I. I think the OP had a similar thread very recently where her DC filmed some younger children who took her hat (or was filmed by them, I don’t remember). The DC then punched one of them and got a detention and OP was asking if it was fair. The general consensus was it was because the children were younger and the punch had been to the face/head.

Probably because this kind of shit happens all the time.

Do you live under a rock?
Have you seen the videos of children getting battered left right and Center by loads of kids ? Is it ok for this boy to torment someone and not have any repercussions?

I'm glad the boy defended himself!
And majority of people on here agree.

I'm guessing you was home schooled ? And didn't have to defend yourself at all through your teenage years!?!?!?

I was bullied at school and fifty years later I can still catch myself wishing I’d shoved her face in the dirt. I admire your son but it’s still important to stress that it’s not the default response. (🤫Well done him).

This child has wore these hats from the beginning of school and children pick up on these things. So it's bullying and he deserved every bit of it. From an Autism mum I get it.

But did you ever become a satanist OP?

If he didn't stick for himself today what was the lad going to do to him next time.

He got what he deserved

Oh, I’ve just realised this was another face punch. YABU, OP. You’re making your DC into a resentful person and eternal victim. It’s not right that her hat was taken but she/he shouldn’t have punched the child in the head. How’s she going to manage in the real world?

Hope the bully has learnt his lesson. Of course I don't condone violence, but in some situations it is justified (self-defence, provocation). In any case your son received a punishment for it; it wasn't waved away or ignored.

How will you feel if the other boy's mum tells him not to let anyone lay him out and he goes back and knocks your son on his arse,, so that he is "left holding his face"?

Also about that -you skip over what your son actually did. Why was the other boy "left holding his face"? Do you mean that your son punched him in the face as well as knocking him over?

If so, your son may have one coming back to him. If I was the other boy's mum and he gave it back to your lad, I'd be feeling just as proud of him as you are of your boy.

On a very serious note, that hat will be a magnet for others if he is still attached to it when he is older and not in a protected environment, so maybe you want to have a think about how he is going to deal with that.

Yes i thought I'd read this before too. Then I realised the OP says in her first post that something similar happened 2 years ago, so I guess it might have been that.

Why would you feel proud of your son going back to school and hitting an autistic child who he has already been bullying ?

If my child had a smack for bullying an autistic child , taking his hat and throwing it into a puddle I'd be telling him it served him right

Do you have an autistic child ??
Usually when you stand up to bullies they cower so it was necessary....
We have no way of knowing how anyone will react to our children standing up for themselves but what's the alternative ? lie down and take it

Yes, it was quite the bunfight IIRC.

obviously I’ve spoken to ds about how there’s better ways to deal with things than resorting to violence but part of me wants to give him a high five!

He deserves a high five, the little shit and other potential little shits will more than likely leave him alone now.

Yes! I remember now.