Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he deserved what he got?

205 replies

MrsBunTheBakersMum · 23/10/2024 16:24

I want to preface this with violence is never the first answer and there was better ways of dealing with it.

I got a call from ds (13) school to say that he had been in trouble because he punched a boy in the face and knocked him to the ground, ds is autistic and wears a hat as a comfort item, he’s worn a hat every day for three years and is extremely protective of his hats, no one touches them not even me and his dad. The last time he got into trouble for violence was nearly two years ago when a kid took his hat and wouldn’t give it back. My ds is also gender confused at the moment, and has been since he was 7! (Still Goes by he/him) most people see a quiet gentle effeminate boy and think he will be a pushover but he’s not.

basically the kid took his hat and denied it, ds got in his face and asked for it back and he threw it into the mud at which point ds pushed him towards it and said “pick it up” (all on cctv with audio) the kid said no and pushed back, there was a scuffle and next thing the kid is on his arse on the floor holding his face and ds just calmly picked up his hat and walked off.
school were surprisingly understanding and said he wouldn’t try it on with ds again! Ds is getting isolated at break times for a day but won’t be suspended.

obviously I’ve spoken to ds about how there’s better ways to deal with things than resorting to violence but part of me wants to give him a high five! He’s always been a target for bullies for obvious reasons but I’m quite old and from the generation that understood that if you didn’t knock a bully on their arse and humble them they’d never stop. Hopefully this kid was suitably humiliated by getting his arse handed to him by a boy in a pink hat in front of the whole school and will learn a lesson from it.

OP posts:
Nousernamesleftatall · 23/10/2024 20:02

Please don’t ever change your child’s pronouns or let him think he is a girl and entitled to be in female spaces. Where will that end if he is misgendered (correctly gendered)?

LOeff · 23/10/2024 20:09

Good job to the DS. Violence is the answer to sort bullying. My DS beat up a bully when he was 13. Yes he was suspended at school but we told DS we supported him.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 23/10/2024 20:13

Inwas relentlessly bullied at school both physically and mentally. The school ignored it, victin blamed and avoided the situation until the day the pushed me beyond my limits and I picked the kid up and sla med her into a bookcase in the library. I then slammed by hand against it millimeters from her head. I told her that if she ever came after me again I wouldn't avoid her face when I slapped her.

I got suspended pending exclusion meeting. My dad threatened legal action and I wasn't expelled.

The bullies never tried it again.

Good on your kid!

SuchiRolls · 23/10/2024 20:14

ExtraOnions · 23/10/2024 16:55

Violence is never the answer, and never to be celebrated.

What happens when your child is outside of school and someone takes their hat, or does something that steps over their boundary ? They might find themselves in a whole heap of trouble.

Depending on the other child I very much doubt thus is the last you will hear of it - only this time it may not be in school, or in front of CCTV.

Your child needs to go to a staff member, and I say this as a parent of an ASD child. They should also be giving the same punishment, as any other child was, for the level of violence used. We do our ASD children no favours by letting them believe that the world will adapt to them .. it won’t.

Do you know what happens when they do that, absolutely nothing. Seriously nothing happens ever. The bullies get away with it and the victim gets punishment for reacting. It’s a story as old as time. This is a case of a child pushed too far. The other child committed an assault by ripping the hat off their head and then added insult to injury by throwing it in the mud. They did this to this child likely on purpose to get some laughs. So you really think anyone is caring at this point about him punching the other kid? Poke a bear and see what you get. The OP’s child didn’t start it but he certainly finished it. Unfortunately being told to not bother another child or receiving a detention doesn’t work. They don’t care. So he got some swift and sharp justice and that’s what was needed.

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 23/10/2024 20:23

I hate bullying and so agree that your son did the right thing. It sounds proportionate too - not over the top but enough to end it and let the shitty child know not to do it again. I was always told it is wrong to hit anyone else, except if they hit you first. Then you hit them back twice as hard to make sure they won’t try it again

mumedu · 23/10/2024 20:23

MrsBunTheBakersMum · 23/10/2024 16:24

I want to preface this with violence is never the first answer and there was better ways of dealing with it.

I got a call from ds (13) school to say that he had been in trouble because he punched a boy in the face and knocked him to the ground, ds is autistic and wears a hat as a comfort item, he’s worn a hat every day for three years and is extremely protective of his hats, no one touches them not even me and his dad. The last time he got into trouble for violence was nearly two years ago when a kid took his hat and wouldn’t give it back. My ds is also gender confused at the moment, and has been since he was 7! (Still Goes by he/him) most people see a quiet gentle effeminate boy and think he will be a pushover but he’s not.

basically the kid took his hat and denied it, ds got in his face and asked for it back and he threw it into the mud at which point ds pushed him towards it and said “pick it up” (all on cctv with audio) the kid said no and pushed back, there was a scuffle and next thing the kid is on his arse on the floor holding his face and ds just calmly picked up his hat and walked off.
school were surprisingly understanding and said he wouldn’t try it on with ds again! Ds is getting isolated at break times for a day but won’t be suspended.

obviously I’ve spoken to ds about how there’s better ways to deal with things than resorting to violence but part of me wants to give him a high five! He’s always been a target for bullies for obvious reasons but I’m quite old and from the generation that understood that if you didn’t knock a bully on their arse and humble them they’d never stop. Hopefully this kid was suitably humiliated by getting his arse handed to him by a boy in a pink hat in front of the whole school and will learn a lesson from it.

Soon enough your kid will be an adult. If he behaves this like this with the public, he will be charged with assault. Will you be high-fiving him when he's in jail? Yes, he was provoked, but no this is not ok.

mumedu · 23/10/2024 20:24

NoisyDenimShaker · 23/10/2024 18:54

Violence is never the answer. If your DS does this kind of thing as an adult, he'll end up in a police cell. He should have told the playground supervisor that this kid had taken his hat, refused to give it back, and thrown it in the mud. Learning to regulate our emotions is a valuable skill that we all need to practice.

100% this

tsmainsqueeze · 23/10/2024 20:24

He certainly did deserve what he got !
I have always told my sons and daughter never to start trouble but hit back twice as hard if anyone hits you 1st and then me and their dad will sort any consequences out.
Thankfully it happened just the once and my son won, lesson learnt by the bully.
I hope anyone now thinks twice about messing your son about , you should be very proud of him , i am !

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:27

I’m guessing you are denying fact you started a thread about worshipping Satan because you’re not aware of AS functionality?! It’s all there in black and white

user8754387 · 23/10/2024 20:30

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:27

I’m guessing you are denying fact you started a thread about worshipping Satan because you’re not aware of AS functionality?! It’s all there in black and white

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4623288-why-was-my-thread-removed

Why was my thread removed? | Mumsnet

I posted to see if anyone had the same religious beliefs as I did and within hours my post was deleted. am I right in thinking now that mumsnet is ha...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4623288-why-was-my-thread-removed

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:31

MrsBunTheBakersMum · 23/10/2024 18:22

I don’t think that was me, I don’t believe I posted about it last time.

Show quote history

you started a thread about worshiping satan
it was deleted
You started another. And it’s still there.

LOeff · 23/10/2024 20:31

mumedu · 23/10/2024 20:24

100% this

Show quote history

It shows as an adult he'll stand up for himself and won't let himself be pushed around. I once called the cops on a bunch of school kids fighting and after they found out that no one was seriously injured and no weapons were involved they laughed it off as "ah we were all like that as kids".

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:31

user8754387 · 23/10/2024 20:30

Show quote history

really weird that the Op says on this thread she never did

TerrysNeapolitan · 23/10/2024 20:35

Good for him 100% bullies need to be told

Original poster
MrsBunTheBakersMum · 23/10/2024 20:35

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:27

I’m guessing you are denying fact you started a thread about worshipping Satan because you’re not aware of AS functionality?! It’s all there in black and white

I’ve never denied being a satanist on here, i never denied making that thread I just don’t care to answer a million questions on this thread where it’s got nothing to do with my beliefs.
I also don’t worship satan, if that’s what you think that thread was about you obviously didn’t read it.

I actually left mumsnet after that thread because I knew anything I ever posted would come back to my religion regardless of whether it was related in any way.
but it’s ok because I’m just a satanist it would be regarded much differently if I was Jewish and people jumped on that every time I opened my mouth.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBunTheBakersMum · 23/10/2024 20:37

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:31

you started a thread about worshiping satan
it was deleted
You started another. And it’s still there.

Show quote history

I misread, the satanist post was me, I didn’t post the last time he got his hat stolen.

OP posts:
themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:43

because I’m just a satanist it would be regarded much differently if I was Jewish and people jumped on that every time I opened my mouth.

You didn’t Op

You didn’t seriously just write this did you!

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:44

Does your son know his mother worships satan?

Kibble29 · 23/10/2024 20:47

Good for him. The boy had a chance to give it back, didn’t take it (probably because he thought your son is a pushover, as you mention) and got what was coming to him.

My boy is much younger than yours but if he was involved in a similar situation I’d want him to stand up for himself and do whatever he has to. It really doesn’t mean that they’ll turn into a violent criminal as an adult, it means they’re not going to allow people to treat them like shit at school.

The posters saying he should have told an adult - they’re 13 and presumably at high school. Many schools aren’t interested in kids telling on each other over what could be considered a small, silly issue (I know it’s not small or silly to your son) and the social impact of being deemed to be a grass is huge. Fine to do that when you’re five, not so much when you’re a teenager.

Original poster
MrsBunTheBakersMum · 23/10/2024 20:52

i Don’t worship anyone that’s kind of the point. And yes he does

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 23/10/2024 20:57

…so in March there were 2 similar (one almost identical) incidents with the hat ?? Or was that a completely different Trans, ASD child with a hat and a muddy puddle ?

.. and the OP is (is not ??) a satanist

this is getting increasingly odd

themamanet · 23/10/2024 21:02

ExtraOnions · 23/10/2024 20:57

…so in March there were 2 similar (one almost identical) incidents with the hat ?? Or was that a completely different Trans, ASD child with a hat and a muddy puddle ?

.. and the OP is (is not ??) a satanist

this is getting increasingly odd

it was bloody odd ever since worships
op worships satans temple?

op… it is literally all there in black and white

themamanet · 23/10/2024 21:03

ExtraOnions · 23/10/2024 20:57

…so in March there were 2 similar (one almost identical) incidents with the hat ?? Or was that a completely different Trans, ASD child with a hat and a muddy puddle ?

.. and the OP is (is not ??) a satanist

this is getting increasingly odd

oh and did you catch the fact the op feels hard done because she wouldn’t be call out if she was jewish!

ToNiceWithSpice · 23/10/2024 21:07

themamanet · 23/10/2024 20:31

you started a thread about worshiping satan
it was deleted
You started another. And it’s still there.

Show quote history

What are you on about? The op says she doesn't think she's ever started a thread about ds and the hat, she never said she didn't start a thread about Satan

Notimeforaname · 23/10/2024 21:09

Fair play to him. I only wish I had the courage to do this as a child!