To think he deserved what he got?

[MrsBunTheBakersMum]

I want to preface this with violence is never the first answer and there was better ways of dealing with it.

I got a call from ds (13) school to say that he had been in trouble because he punched a boy in the face and knocked him to the ground, ds is autistic and wears a hat as a comfort item, he’s worn a hat every day for three years and is extremely protective of his hats, no one touches them not even me and his dad. The last time he got into trouble for violence was nearly two years ago when a kid took his hat and wouldn’t give it back. My ds is also gender confused at the moment, and has been since he was 7! (Still Goes by he/him) most people see a quiet gentle effeminate boy and think he will be a pushover but he’s not.

basically the kid took his hat and denied it, ds got in his face and asked for it back and he threw it into the mud at which point ds pushed him towards it and said “pick it up” (all on cctv with audio) the kid said no and pushed back, there was a scuffle and next thing the kid is on his arse on the floor holding his face and ds just calmly picked up his hat and walked off.
school were surprisingly understanding and said he wouldn’t try it on with ds again! Ds is getting isolated at break times for a day but won’t be suspended.

obviously I’ve spoken to ds about how there’s better ways to deal with things than resorting to violence but part of me wants to give him a high five! He’s always been a target for bullies for obvious reasons but I’m quite old and from the generation that understood that if you didn’t knock a bully on their arse and humble them they’d never stop. Hopefully this kid was suitably humiliated by getting his arse handed to him by a boy in a pink hat in front of the whole school and will learn a lesson from it.

Could I start with a huge well done to your son! My saying is the only way to beat the bully is to literally beat the bully! I'm sorry he had to go through that but I'm glad he opened a can of whoop ass and put him in his place on his arse!!! I'd be praising my girls for doing that. Pure praise of the bully can give it he sure as hell should be able to take it! Please don't be hard on him 💕 the school sound like they are on board with it too!!! Xxx

As a teacher I shouldn't really say this, but good on him!

Well I’m old. And if anyone grabbed any piece of my clothing I’d lay them out too.

Whereas I know kids who would do this but you wouldn’t be able to lay them out &/or they would think nothing of stabbing you later. It’s not the olden days anymore unfortunately.

You should get him a copy of the picture book I Want My Hat Back by Jon Klassen for Christmas. It's obviously aimed at little children but it's about a bear whose hat is stolen. If it were me, that's how I'd commemorate this glorious day when DS stood up for himself.

I’ve taught my gentle autistic son to lamp em back twice as hard the very first tine. It’s the only way, leaving him in defended would be completely brutalising for him.

I am pleased to say nobody picks on him twice. He can handle himself. So can your son, good for him.

You NEVER start it, but you're allowed to end it.

You NEVER start it, but you're allowed to end it.

Do you all live in an Enid Blyton novel?!

school were surprisingly understanding and said he wouldn’t try it on with ds again!

This is a ridiculously irresponsible thing for the school to say, as they have no idea whether trouble will not escalate.

I hope they didn't say it in front of your DS, as it might give him a false sense of security.

Oh it's called being human! Chill out Kazza

I can only hope my son would do the same. Just started secondary and has a stimming toy always.
Other children catch onto these things very quickly and know exactly what they are at.

Well done to him. I hope you don't punish him but reward him, and that other children know not to mess with him now.

Our autistic children need to have these things to help them cope.

Good for him, will make the bully think twice.

My DD was in trouble at school for sticking up for her twin ..... some little scrote was sitting on her table at lunch and started taking the micky out of her acne, calling her horrible names, telling her she was putting him off her lunch etc.

DD heard all this from the next table and threw her full drink bottle at his head which cut it. Now I know that she shouldn't have done it and if everyone behaved like that at lunch there would be carnage .... but I was actually very proud that she stood up for her sister and there was certainly no punishment at home.

Amazing! Well done to your son x

we Expanded similar to ds when he was in reception because for two years through nursery he was bullied by another kid, he would hit him constantly, push him over, put sand in his pants all sorts and the school never managed to sort it and the kids mum always played the victim, ds was a shadow of himself and was depressed so we sat him down and told him that sometimes using your words isn’t enough sometimes you have to give them back what they’re asking for.
it backfired slightly, he went into school a week or so later and the kid was tormenting him when he was in the sandpit and hit him expecting ds to just take it but according to the teacher he never reacted, never said a word just stood up and took a full swing and lamped the kid in the side of the head with the metal shovel he’d been digging with, dropped the shovel didn’t say a word and just went to the time out corner and sat down! Teacher said it was like something from a film! Kid never went near him again! (Ds was suspended for the rest of the week, it was Friday afternoon)

This breaks my heart. Your poor son trying to navigate the world going about his day and minding his own business and an asshole kid does this

Yes to a big high five to your son and it does seem like your son gave him an opportunity to return the hat

I’m terrified for my own child. They are not as brave as yours and I’ve no doubt I’ve got a mountain of issues coming our way

I have no idea who 'Kazza' is?

But I stand by what I said.

The school have no idea whether they boy will try it on again, or worse.

I'm not saying the OP's DS shouldn't have fought back, but the school were irresponsible in their wording.

This is spot on well done to your Daughter for doing it! I expect the same from my girls!

Next time he may re think the shit that comes out of his mouth and either be nice or shut the hell up!
Xx

The problem is that if when your DS is full grown and behaves in this way, he could do harm, and get himself into trouble.

The boy he punched sounds like a right little nasty one, but I doubt that he now thinks "Oh, I will never again bully someone."

I wish I would have done that the first time I was bullied. Instead, it went on and has stayed with me.

Good on him.

I agree BUT if your DS had pushed him and he'd hit his head it could be quite another matter it was lucky it was into a puddle and not a kerb.

Good on your DS. I was bullied relentlessly at school until one day I saw red and punched the ring leader in the face. They all left me alone after that.

I don’t condone violence but sometimes you need to treat bullies in the only way the understand.

The fact is, many secondary schools are unsafe environments now in terms of bullying and violence (including for teachers, but that's a whole other thread).

In an ideal world where schools have functional behaviour management, your kid shouldn't have had to retaliate like that. By retaliating, though, not only will that kid not try it on again but probably other bullies won't either because they know that he can stick up for himself.

Your reasoning is very bizarre. You agree that the ds did the right thing but you don't agree because your dd was punished for something similar?

No, my brain is not computing....

Me too only last time it was a much younger kid who was hurt by the hat child and the mum was outraged that there son was being punished

Yes. That sounds familiar.