Friend throwing tantrum over the fact I can’t attend her get together

[GladAmberEagle]

For context, I am a nurse and typically work back to back 13 hour shifts. I am a single mum.

My friend, is married with children and does not work, and never has - totally respect that, and the only reason I mention that is because I believe it’s a contributing reason to this situation.

All of the people in our friendship group work. My friend is regularly trying to plan get together at her house, every other week, without the consideration that the rest of us work complete long hours. My friend asked over a month ago if we could all have a get together at hers. I told her I would let her know as my shifts hadn’t been released then, as we have a new manager so they are being completed quite late in advance.

Yesterday in the group chat we all received a message saying ‘you all fucking better be coming’, and her basically having a meltdown as some people had already cancelled. She then sent me directly a message in that group chat saying ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’. I was doing a 13 hour shift as a nurse and obviously don’t have my phone on me. While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW’.

At the end of my shift I messaged to say how sorry I am, but I couldn’t go as I’m in work both Saturday and Sunday and only recently found out.

I was then bombarded by multiple abusive messages. None of which I have opened because I really cannot be bothered for the drama.

my friend seems to have no capacity that people have busy lives, and 9 times out of 10 I always make sure I go to her get togethers - even when I’ve done 4 13 hour shifts in a row and I just want a day to be a mum.

AIBU?

With friends like that….

No friend of mine would ever talk to me the way she seems to think she can talk to you and others. Where are your boundaries?

I'd tell her to fuck off and grow up.

She's not your friend. Block and ignore indefinitely. Is she quite well? Though not your concern. Who does she think she is?!

Just tell her to fuck off.

You don't need "friends" like this.

She isnt a friend.

I can't imagine a singke friend speaking to me like that no matter how annoyed they were. I honestly don't know why you would tolerate it. She sounds unhinged.

At least she's made it easy for you OP. Don't waste a single second worrying about her. You know what to do.

I would tell her to fuck off. I would also say just because you have no life doesn’t mean the rest of us are the same.
She’s going to end up with no friends.

She’s been a friend since a young age and has always been prone to emotional outbursts. I think unfortunately we’ve all became numb to it from not wanting to disrupt the peace but she has definitely crossed a boundary with me now!

With respect, how poor does your self esteem have to be to tolerate this from a friend and not see that they aren't actually your friend? You don't deserve to be spoken to like that and I'm not sure why you or the group is putting up with it. Tell her to fuck off and block her.

Oh come on, OP!!!
In what capacity is this self centred, abusive, excuse for a decent human being a friend???

How can you possibly be being unreasonable OP? No way would this person be someone I'd want to spend time with when she thinks she can issue orders, without any understanding of the lives of working people. ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’?? I'd be telling her to fuck right off, and then fuck off some more!! Who does she think she is? You're honestly far better off without people like this in your life OP, you have enough pressure in your working life, without putting up with the likes of her.

No wonder everyone has cancelled 😂

No you're not.

You should reply to her I've been thinking about it and you are completely right. Ive been a terrible friend letting you down by going to work to pay the bills. I dont know what i was thinking. Its shit of me and i hope you can forgive me. Anyway, I went to my manager and I said fuck your shift! I'm going to Xs party instead.
Of course they fired me and now I can't feed my children or keep a roof over our heads but fear not, I'll be there, Queen! No wage is more important than you.

Then block the nasty cow and make new friends.

Ones that aren't tedious twats.

She needs to find other ways of getting social contact that don't lean so heavily on that group of friends. Not having a job can be quite isolating, but it's not your responsibility to fix that for her.

Why on earth are you allowing someone to treat you like that?

Tell her in no uncertain terms how unacceptable her behaviour is, and then block her. She is not a friend.

Emotional outbursts are what toddlers have because they can't regulate their feelings. This person is just purposely acting like a twat.

She isn’t a friend so get rid

Reply now...ok Fuck off you inconsiderate cunt.bye bye and block.

I know people are replying saying I must have low self worth etc, but I’ve asked because I didn’t expect this level of outburst from her. To the point where I really questioned am I being an asshole and inconsiderate friend? But thank you all for clarifying she is being unreasonable.

I would reply “I will not put up with anyone talking to me like that. Do not contact me again unless it’s to apologise”. That’d be her last chance, only on the basis of a long-standing friendship.

You say yourself that she's crossed a boundary - so do something about it right NOW.
You need to reply and point out in no uncertain terms that her behaviour is ridiculous and you won't tolerate it any longer. You'd already given her the heads up that you might not be able to make it due to work, so in what fucking world gives her the right to bombard you with abusive texts like that? Christ, she sounds like a right arrogant, entitled little cunt. If she didn't apologise immediately and recognise how unreasonable she is being, I'd bin her off.

Then YABU? Why are you friends with someone who has regular outbursts, then complain about it on mumsnet but continue to say “well she is who she is, this isn’t the first time”

Get rid!!