Friend throwing tantrum over the fact I can’t attend her get together

[GladAmberEagle]

For context, I am a nurse and typically work back to back 13 hour shifts. I am a single mum.

My friend, is married with children and does not work, and never has - totally respect that, and the only reason I mention that is because I believe it’s a contributing reason to this situation.

All of the people in our friendship group work. My friend is regularly trying to plan get together at her house, every other week, without the consideration that the rest of us work complete long hours. My friend asked over a month ago if we could all have a get together at hers. I told her I would let her know as my shifts hadn’t been released then, as we have a new manager so they are being completed quite late in advance.

Yesterday in the group chat we all received a message saying ‘you all fucking better be coming’, and her basically having a meltdown as some people had already cancelled. She then sent me directly a message in that group chat saying ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’. I was doing a 13 hour shift as a nurse and obviously don’t have my phone on me. While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW’.

At the end of my shift I messaged to say how sorry I am, but I couldn’t go as I’m in work both Saturday and Sunday and only recently found out.

I was then bombarded by multiple abusive messages. None of which I have opened because I really cannot be bothered for the drama.

my friend seems to have no capacity that people have busy lives, and 9 times out of 10 I always make sure I go to her get togethers - even when I’ve done 4 13 hour shifts in a row and I just want a day to be a mum.

AIBU?

Abusive and controlling behaviour doesn’t come from just partners. Friends can also be just as bad. I think a lot of people will let friends treat them like this and not realise, it’s a form of abuse.

She's a bully, OP, not a friend.

Text her back saying you were going to go but, having read her messages, you’re realised she is an unhinged psycho and now you fear for your life.

"I am a single mother. A nurse who works 13 hour shifts to keep a roof over my family's head and feed them. I cannot be available wherever you want me to be

I'm a nurse. I am not allowed to have my phone on my person during a shift. I cannot answer your messages when you want me to, never mind "NOW".

Clearly I'm not the kind of friend you're looking for, so time to call it a day, I think."

How dare she speak to you like that? Who the hell does she think she is?

What are the rest of the group saying about it?

Wow.... that is most definitely not a friend!

She's not a friend. In fact who the fuck does she think she's talking to like that and in seriousness, if a "friend" spoke to me like that, I'd be saying that exact thing!

I would be tempted to do this too.

She sounds like a total bam! YANBU

Did she send the abuse privately? If so add the messages to the group chat. She needs calling out to the rest of the group. Then leave the group and block her.

If you value our friendship I want an apology otherwise don’t contact me again

Are you sure she wasn’t texting the way people joke? If didn’t open the ones after so how do you know it wasn’t you better fucking come but without the ha ha? (Playing devils advocate!)

She’s bored as fuck with no real social outpost. When I say this is a pitfall of staying at home I get called every name under the sun followed by I don’t love my kids.

I wouldn’t even reply

With friends like that….

...Who needs enemas?

(In-joke for the nurses)

@GladAmberEagle no friend would speak like that.

I think I'd be asking the others if anyone else got abusive messages from her.

I'd be replying saying that her abusive messages are not acceptable and that perhaps if she had a job she might be able to empathise with those who can't access their phone and reply instantly.

I thought the same until the OP said she then said "reply NOW" then it was clear it wasn't a joke.

OP, have you opened up the stream of raging texts yet? Curious to hear what they actually say and just how far along the cunt-o-meter she has ventured...

Just tell her in the public chat that you’re working Sat and Sun so can’t make it but to carry on without you & you’ll try to make the next one if you can. Then mute her personal chat and ignore.

Only one solution to people like this - block.

Let her stew in her rage of cuntiness.

Has anyone made any sort of reply in the group chat?

She sounds unhinged. Life is far too short to tolerate behaviour like this from people who are supposed to be friends: this is basically bullying.

If you really value her read her the riot act and say you are a single mother and not going to be spoken to like that and if she wants to remain your friend she has to adjust to the real world.

Honestly though I would just wash your hands of her.

You might have known her from a young age but she is not your friend.

I see my very best friend in the world about 3 times a year. We've known each other 30 years. She's never, ever spoken to me like that!

I wouldn't even tolerate that behaviour from a 6 year old.

I honestly would message her and tell her that she needs to get a job if she cannot comprehend what a busy working life means, which she clearly does not.
And not to speak to me like that again.

She doesn't sound well! Her reaction is way way over the top. Of course you can't go to her event. I'd suggest telling her that after her outburst you don't want to be invited to any other meet ups thanks because this is doing your head in. Perhaps she'll start to ask herself what is going on in her head if she receives this message from you and a few others.