Friend throwing tantrum over the fact I can’t attend her get together

[GladAmberEagle]

For context, I am a nurse and typically work back to back 13 hour shifts. I am a single mum.

My friend, is married with children and does not work, and never has - totally respect that, and the only reason I mention that is because I believe it’s a contributing reason to this situation.

All of the people in our friendship group work. My friend is regularly trying to plan get together at her house, every other week, without the consideration that the rest of us work complete long hours. My friend asked over a month ago if we could all have a get together at hers. I told her I would let her know as my shifts hadn’t been released then, as we have a new manager so they are being completed quite late in advance.

Yesterday in the group chat we all received a message saying ‘you all fucking better be coming’, and her basically having a meltdown as some people had already cancelled. She then sent me directly a message in that group chat saying ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’. I was doing a 13 hour shift as a nurse and obviously don’t have my phone on me. While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW’.

At the end of my shift I messaged to say how sorry I am, but I couldn’t go as I’m in work both Saturday and Sunday and only recently found out.

I was then bombarded by multiple abusive messages. None of which I have opened because I really cannot be bothered for the drama.

my friend seems to have no capacity that people have busy lives, and 9 times out of 10 I always make sure I go to her get togethers - even when I’ve done 4 13 hour shifts in a row and I just want a day to be a mum.

AIBU?

Do not reply. Block and ignore. You don’t need this in your life.

What a freak. An utter brat.

Dump and block.

You cannot have volatile and infantile people like this in your life.

I read quote a long time ago it said "Get a life". Ops friend is stuck at home everyday tidying the house, washing clothes and cooking dinner and that's it. Maybe her friend doesn't know how hard op works as a nurse and the monthly struggles of being a single parent. Her friend should show empathy and understanding rather than behaving like a brat because no one wants to hang out with her. The op is very tolerant to have her in her life. Maybe the rest of her friends are losing patience with the brat behaviour.

I mean there's so much irony in this I don't know where to start......

A SAHM should "get a life"?

Perhaps the OP and her friends should also have some empathy for their friend who is "stuck at home" ?

Like I said, screams of issues from both sides - to me their lives have just gone separate ways and they're just no longer compatible as a group of friends 🤷🏻‍♀️

This! With bells on!! How has she got any friends left?? Do others tolerate her bullshit??

I was a SAHM for many years. I'd never throw any tantrums to my friends not wanting to meet me. I fully understand my friends have a different life and different commitments, how entitled you must yoy be to expect people to meet your demands?!

Goes the other way too, when my DD was a tiny baby, I'd get last minute requests from single friends to get on my bike and meet them somewhere on the other side of the city. I mean really???

Jeez, what a fuckwit. Tell her to do one!

I’d best mmm t my hoise she has a BPD diagnosis - I’ve got a friend just like this - properly over steps!

While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW’.

She sounds totally unhinged.
I don't think I'd reply at all. Ever.

She is acting like a child and needs to grow up I couldn't waste my energy on someone like this

Don't ever apologise to her when she is being so out of order. Instead "As you know I work. I also have other things that happen in my life. I am not attached to my phone 24/7 and I don't appreciate being bossed around like a child." No apology = don't even consider going

or just tell her to do one

There’s another thread on here about ghosting, I think you’d be perfectly entitled to do that. But assuming you don’t want things to be awkward because of mutual friends why not just reply a version of what you’ve put her. “Hi friend just got off shift, not sure if you realise but I can’t use my phone whilst working and I’m utterly shattered after 13 hrs. I’m sorry I can’t come to your do as I’m working. I enjoy our friendship but Im sure you understand as a single mum I have to prioritise my children and work and I don’t have much time for socialising and messaging.” If she doesn’t reply with an apology she’s an arsehole so I’d just leave it at that.

I’d tell her she’s not a friend but a complete psycho, block her and think no more about her

what an utter self absorbed twat she is!

Do you think she's having some sort of breakdown? My response would be different depending on the friend. You know her best so use your discretion to block the messages and await an apology or contact her husband to see if they need help

Hahaha love it

She then sent me directly a message in that group chat saying ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’. I was doing a 13 hour shift as a nurse and obviously don’t have my phone on me. While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW

I'd be blocking her on everything! WTF. Your friend?! Hate to break it to you, but she's no friend.
Swiftly run.

She needs to grow up. You need to re define 'friend'. You are doing great and do not need this ....at all.

even when I’ve done 4 13 hour shifts in a row and I just want a day to be a mum.

just be a Mum and your ‘friend’ will just have to suck it up. I wouldn’t put a sulky friend over being a mum. I do think you need to tell her that she has crossed aline and you won’t accept being spoken to like that. I know you’ve said you’ve known her for ages but you know what you don’t have to be spoken to like that and walk on egg shells just to please her. Sometimes we have to let friendships go

Hmm completely think she is being unreasonable BUT if she is acting out of character maybe it's worth killing her with kindness? Ie 'Really sorry I cant come and sorry I didnt reply I was on shift. I know this gathering is important to you but it seems like you overreacted a bit, is everything ok? Are you free for a coffee/glass of wine on X day instead.' Maybe something is going on in her life and she's planning parties as a bit of a distraction.

What the hell have I just read?! I couldn’t stand for this!

I think I’d cut her loose and move on, OP. I’m not normally pro-ghosting, but this situation warrants it. Her behavior is selfish and abusive, and I would not dignify it with a response. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, especially for something as trivial as a social gathering.

If you haven't opened any of her messages, how do you know they are abusive? Does she have form for this?

I'd just block her. Let her rant and rave into the abyss.

and thats a friend?