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Original poster

Husband shouted at child for hiding something.

311 replies

MyGreenCat · 21/10/2024 20:02

Hello. I’m just back from a holiday with husband, son (8) and my two step children. While on holiday, we had two events booked. One for me and our son and one for my husband and stepchildren due to the events being for different age groups. Anyway, before the event we all returned to our rooms after getting something to eat from the restaurant. My husband put his vape on the bed and went to have a shower. He came back and it was gone. He couldn’t find it so started blaming and shouting at our son asking him where he hid it. Our son has a long history of hiding things, (phones, money, controls etc). I calmly asked if he had moved it and if so, he wouldn’t be in trouble (obviously) that we just wanted to find it before going out again. Husband started shouting where is it, I know you’ve moved it, it’s always my stuff you move. (It isn’t, he moves my things too, I don’t shout and rage about it though). He had another one with him so could have just opened it but refused and said no, I want to find the one that’s been moved. Son is standing with his hands on his head saying, I’m getting so stressed out. I felt so bad for him so kept saying to husband maybe he didn’t move it as you didn’t see him I’ve it so you can’t prove it. He just kept saying, oh I know he moved it, I’m so sick of this. Kicked some shopping bags that had clothes it. We still don’t know if he moved it or not. Even if he did move it, husband shouldn’t have reacted like this. Now that we’re home, I can’t even look at him without being annoyed. He thinks it’s not a big deal and annoyed that I don’t want to speak to him. What do I do?

OP posts:
BeADinosaur · 21/10/2024 20:06

Shouting and kicking things isn't great.

However if my kid kept hiding my phone, money and other things and refusing to say where it was I'd get pretty sick of it pretty quickly.

If your son didn't move it, he can't really complain that he is accused of it as his previous behaviour has led people to mistrust him. A form of 'the boy who cried wolf'.

Sirzy · 21/10/2024 20:07

An 8 year old shouldn’t be hiding things.

your husbands reaction wasn’t great either but your child needs to understand you don’t hide other people’s things

Ivehearditbothways · 21/10/2024 20:09

This is a lesson for your kid. He is known as the one who steals and hides things, because he does. So now he’ll get the blame when it happens. Your husband could have handled it better but he has the right sentiment; your kid needs to take responsibility and admit what he has been doing. And bloody well stop it.

What are the consequences for him?

MiddleParking · 21/10/2024 20:10

I’d definitely shout at my kids if they hid stuff and so should you by the sounds of it.

Azandme · 21/10/2024 20:10

BeADinosaur · 21/10/2024 20:06

Shouting and kicking things isn't great.

However if my kid kept hiding my phone, money and other things and refusing to say where it was I'd get pretty sick of it pretty quickly.

If your son didn't move it, he can't really complain that he is accused of it as his previous behaviour has led people to mistrust him. A form of 'the boy who cried wolf'.

This.

Your ds's behaviour isn't acceptable. Your approach hasn't worked, because he's still doing it.

The shouting isn't great, but to be honest, I can see why it happened.

What are your plans for actually sorting ds's behaviour out?

sprigatito · 21/10/2024 20:11

Your husband's behaviour was appalling. Is that typical? I would not tolerate DH having temper tantrums around me or the children, and I don't think you should either.

Why does your 8yo hide people's belongings, and why do you say he "obviously" wouldn't be in trouble for it? If one of mine had deliberately taken and hidden something belonging to someone else, particularly an adult item like a vape, they would most certainly be in trouble.

I'm confused.

Completelyjo · 21/10/2024 20:11

I mean you really glaze over the fact that your son “hides” ie steals things from people and you act like it’s something totally out of anyone’s control.

Snorlaxo · 21/10/2024 20:11

Kicking stuff isn’t good but your son should have outgrown this by now. A 2 or 3 year old doing this is one thing but your son must have experienced this reaction before so know better than to hide other people’s stuff. You are being too chilled out about this- how would you react if somebody else did this to ds? That alone should be incentive enough for him to not touch never mind hide other people’s things.

WeeOrcadian · 21/10/2024 20:11

Forget the hotel room

What consequences are there for your son when he hides things?

RedRobyn2021 · 21/10/2024 20:12

What is wrong with your child that he keeps hiding things that don't belong to him?

Is this his way of trying to get some attention from you and his dad?

Your husband sounds absolutely awful to be honest, he needs to give his head a wobble and remember he's the adult

Cas112 · 21/10/2024 20:12

Obviously your DH behaviour is acceptable but is your son pushing him to breaking point, hiding and taking peoples things is a really disgusting habit you need to stop. Once or twice as a kid playing pranks but repeatedly is not normal

Cas112 · 21/10/2024 20:12

Cas112 · 21/10/2024 20:12

Obviously your DH behaviour is acceptable but is your son pushing him to breaking point, hiding and taking peoples things is a really disgusting habit you need to stop. Once or twice as a kid playing pranks but repeatedly is not normal

Is not acceptable that should say

DoreenonTill8 · 21/10/2024 20:14

WeeOrcadian · 21/10/2024 20:11

Forget the hotel room

What consequences are there for your son when he hides things?

This, sounds like nothing as Our son has a long history of hiding things, (phones, money, controls etc). I calmly asked if he had moved it and if so, he wouldn’t be in trouble (obviously).
Is he never told off for anything?

SwingTheMonkey · 21/10/2024 20:15

Why is it ‘obvious’ he wouldn’t get into trouble? It sounds like you’re enabling his poor behaviour and your husband is sick of it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2024 20:15

There are two separate issues.

The child hiding things is one - which everyone is now fixated on.

The second is a grown man shouting at an 8yo and kicking things in anger. Hitting and kicking inanimate objects in front of people to scare them is domestic abuse.

The 8yo probably should know better, the grown man definitely should.

Anotherparkingthread · 21/10/2024 20:16

Your son sounds like a little horror and frankly I'd be pissed off with you standing there telling him he won't be in trouble, which is a baltent lie, because he clearly is in trouble very much should be in trouble. You undermined your husband's authority and emotions. He's allowed to be livid, I'd be furious with a child that stole items especially things as important as phones and money. What consequence does your son face? Are you removing things that he enjoys until items are returned? I would be laying down some ealky heavy discipline on this. You should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago.

Completelyjo · 21/10/2024 20:16

Why would he obviously not be in trouble for taking the item and hiding it though? 8 is more than old enough to deal with the consequences of shitty behaviour. And yes “hiding” phones, money and personal items is shitty behaviours.

Completelyjo · 21/10/2024 20:17

@Anotherparkingthread I'd be furious with a child that stole items especially things as important as phones and money.

Exactly, it’s telling that OP refers to it as hiding and not stealing.

Starlightstarbright3 · 21/10/2024 20:18

I would love to know previous consequences …. This is not normal behaviour for an 8 year old ..

I think you probably exacerbated things . Sent mixed messages … Dad is furious - you are saying he won’t be in trouble..

I agree regardless of whether it was him or not it’s the boy who cried wolf .

assuming the sc are older it would be even more unusual behaviour

Embery · 21/10/2024 20:21

Op you are being ridiculous. Your 8yo needs consequences for hiding things.
My eldest used to do this (possibly part of sen)

i thi nk you need to point out to dc that i ts really unsafe too as a vape could be dangerous for other kids who might find it in the room ...
likewise you dont actually know what else he might have hidden
Money/credit cards/ghic card?

also it creares drama with the parents as they can end up accusing each other of moving things.

Zanatdy · 21/10/2024 20:22

Well your son has had a lesson in the boy who cried wolf if he didn’t do it. He will always take the blame as he’s got himself a reputation for doing this. You do need to tackle this, your DH was a bit OTT but I guess he’s had enough of his behaviour. I guess he did it, but wouldn’t own up.

tillytoodles1 · 21/10/2024 20:22

I'd be absolutely furious if an 8 yr old had a history of doing this. There would severe consequences unless he stopped.

Dramatic · 21/10/2024 20:22

Huh? He wouldn't be in trouble? Why the hell not?! I imagine this was the straw that broke the camels back with your DH, he's had enough of your son taking things and snapped. Can't say I blame him really.

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/10/2024 20:24

Your husband is probably at the end of his tether at your son hiding things.

Its not even funny once coming to get something that belongs to you that has been hidden, but can maybe let it go in a very young child but an 8 year old who repeatedly does it, that gets old pretty quickly.

Your son needs to be told to quit the behaviour and then people wont get irritated and accuse him when something goes missing...its like the boy who cried wolf, even if he didnt hide it, people will be suspicious given his past behaviour and get annoyed, especially when getting ready to go out

Completelyjo · 21/10/2024 20:24

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2024 20:15

There are two separate issues.

The child hiding things is one - which everyone is now fixated on.

The second is a grown man shouting at an 8yo and kicking things in anger. Hitting and kicking inanimate objects in front of people to scare them is domestic abuse.

The 8yo probably should know better, the grown man definitely should.

The dad is probably at his wits end with the son doing whatever he likes, behaving badly and never having any consequences. The op was so quick to tell the son he wouldn’t be in trouble even if he had taken the item!

Sometimes we all have out of character reactions that we regret when the stressers are too high, as long as this isn’t indicative of the dads personality then you can’t claim it’s abuse.