To ask if people hate you because you’re “real?”

[ByPithyRoseReader]

I’ve always prided myself on being honest and straightforward, and I’ve noticed that some people seem to have a problem with it. It feels like the more authentic I am, the more tension it creates with certain people. I don’t go out of my way to be rude, but I won’t sugarcoat things either.

AIBU to think that some people just don’t like it when others are real with them? Have you ever felt that being genuine makes people uncomfortable or even causes them to dislike you? Is this a common thing, or is it just me?

Honesty without tact is cruelty so you need to be careful that your realness isn’t just nasty

Sounds pretty rude to me. Why does you desire to be "genuine" usurp others desire not to be insulted.

I find a lot of people say things like ‘I’m real’ and ‘I say it like it is’ when actually they’re just rude. So I wouldn’t say I hate those people, as that’s a strong word, but I tend to avoid their company where possible.

People like you use ' honesty' as an excuse for rudeness.

Rude people are seldom likeable.

Sugarcoating makes the world go round. You're probably being insufferably rude.

Are you tactful with your realness? Could it be misconstrued as rudeness, or obnoxiousness?

Are you autistic? I knew someone like you and honestly they would put my hackles up and seem to not care that they had. There's a line between honest and unpleasant.

There’s a massive difference between telling the truth, and being a dick. Most ‘real’ people I met are incredibly rude and say things that absolutely don’t need to be said, under the pretext of being ‘real’.

I’m real, you’re forthright, she’s just rude.

Yes I have this problem sometimes, I have to tone down the bluntness with certain people. However, most people in my life appreciate honesty and are happy to ask advice as they know I’ll be straightforward, fair, and realistic. I’d rather have those people around me so if someone is easily offended we’re probably never gonna be besties anyway.

Can you give some examples of the sort of things you say? Hate seems a strong word, but it could be that some people are misinterpreting you/taking it personally.

It is perfectly possible to be real, authentic and tactful or thoughtful in how you express your feelings or opinions. It sounds like you are being honest but rude.

I don't think so, however, I believe in tact and diplomacy, I know when to keep my opinions to myself and know what battles to pick with people. I also believe you need to accept people will be different to you, you're not always going to like what you see and sometimes can't do anything about it.
If you say it as it is and are to forward, yes people will dislike you, I would and I would avoid you.

Examples?

You sound like one of those people who says "I say it like it is" which typically translates into I don't think about how what I'm saying will be recieved by others and lacks in empathy. You can be genuine and congruent with people whilst still thinking about your tone, approach and whether they actually need to hear what you have to say.

Being real =/= rude and abrasive. I would suggest the reason people take a dislike to you is because you’re the latter, not the former. Certainly nothing to be proud of.

people who pride themselves on speaking their mind and calling a spade a spade can be bloody tiresome to be around.

I always try to be honest without being deliberately hurtful. I’m not the type to go out of my way to offend, but I also don’t believe in sugarcoating things just to avoid conflict. I guess my approach is more about being direct than tactful, and maybe that’s where the issue lies.

I’ve found that some people take honesty well, while others seem to see it as rude or abrasive. But is it better to hold back to keep the peace, or be upfront and risk being misunderstood? I’m genuinely curious how others navigate this.

Diplomacy is a very useful skill to develop. It means you can be honest without simultaneously being a dick to people, hurting their feelings or making them feel small.

You may as well say 'I am a tactless arsehole who only cares about what I think, not how other people feel'

I'm not for any of this be kind bollocks but I do believe in treating other people with basic decency. I don't have such an over inflated ego that I think my opinion matters more than anything else

Depends if you give unsolicited opinions or whether you're referring to your responses to questions.

No, I’m not autistic, but I think you’re projecting your personal experience onto this situation. There’s definitely a line between being honest and being unpleasant, and I always aim to stay on the side of honesty without crossing into cruelty. I think the issue isn’t about autism or personality type - it’s more about how people react to directness. Some appreciate it, while others may feel uncomfortable or defensive. But it’s not always easy to balance being real and being tactful.

I'm autistic, and if I was being like OP, it wouldn't be because I'm proud of how "real" and "authentic" and "genuine" I am. It would be because I was oblivious to it. If someone let me know that they were hurt or made uncomfortable by what I said, or if I realised I was causing tension, I would try to adjust my behaviour in future, not least for my own benefit (so as not to be seen as a dick), as much as for others' comfort.

OP clearly knows he/she makes people uncomfortable, and generates discord and conflict, and doesn't care. You get autistic dickheads and non-autistic dickheads and I can't see anything in OP's post that would suggest one way or the other.

Why do you think people are so in need of your ‘realness’?

If the people who dislike your manner are mainly CF types who are pissed off that they can't manipulate, use or bully you then YA-probably-NBU

If the people who seem upset by your 'realness' are normal, nice people that you want to have an amicable relationship with then chances are you are just plain rude!