To think my friendship will need to end due to Israel/Palestine?

[VioletW]

I've been close friends with a Jewish woman for ten years. We went on lots of trips together, lived in two different countries at the same times, been there for each other through all sorts.

Anyway since she moved I see her once or twice a year, the second time usually being Christmas. She always looks me up at Christmas and I'm anticipating the same this year.

My position is that I disagree with the October 8 attacks and also what's happening in Gaza is horrific. I've been to demonstrations about this, even bumping into two other Jewish friends at these.

I've seen my friend posting online that these demos are 'Anti Israel'. All of her posts are in support of fighting anti semitism and she has never posted about Palestine, although she works for a humanitarian organisation. AIBU to think this simply ends the friendship?

Could you possibly both accept that you hold different opinions and agree not to discuss it? Or has her view ‘put you off’ her?

I hold different opinions to so many people, I also have some opinions that are not mainstream. I’m making a conscious effort to not let it completely cloud my view of some friends and don’t get into discussions about it if I think it will. We can’t always knock around with identically aligned people.

If you're completely unwilling to see her point of view then I suppose it's over. It doesn't sound like there's any issue from her to you though, does she know you've been to demos and still wants to be friends? If so it sounds like she's willing to overlook your foibles so maybe do the same? Also, it's October 7th.

I think she’s allowed to be upset about anti-semitism as a Jewish person.

Genocide is not something you just set aside.

@MiraculousLadybug she doesn't know I've been on the demos. If she did maybe she'd feel the same.

I don't see my attendance of the demos as 'foibles'.

Obviously I'll be upset if the friendship ends over this but she clearly has a certain opinion of someone like me.

Is she a Zionist?

@offyoujollywelltrot I think she must be.

It just never came up in ten years of friendship before now.

Being anti genocide is hardly a foible

I have four Jewish friends:

Three have all criticised Israel's actions and continue to speak against anti semitism at the same time. They don't describe the demos as 'anti Israel' and two friends even go on the demos.

She is the only one that describes them this way

People seem to conflate being Jewish with being Israeli and with being Zionist. There are Israelis and Jewish people who are not Zionist, possibly your friend is one of them.

Have you considered, oh I don’t know, focusing why you’re friends and not the politics? I’m friends with people all varying political backgrounds, I don’t discuss politics with any of them and we’ve remained friends. Even the one who is a complete crackpot from a politics stand point!

I think that you need to clarify her position (by speaking to her, not just by looking at her online posts) first. But yes, this may well be a deal breaker.

But the demonstrations are anti-Israel because they are protesting the actions of the Israeli government. They aren't necessarily anti-semitic, although I expect some of the demonstrators are anti-Jewish.

You don't want to be her friend because she is worried about antisemitism and hasn't actively posted about the same thing you do?

Wow.

Why does it matter if she is?

This isn't about her being worried about anti semitism. Obviously I have no issue with that!

It's about the fact she thinks these demos are anti semitic, wrong and shouldn't exist. That's what the posts are about.

I feel the opposite.

Did you get the date wrong on purpose?

If you really think your world views are so opposed and hers bother you in a moral sense, then sure you can end the friendship for that reason. Or any reason. If neither of you can see the other's viewpoint, or are unable to accept that two people can hold very different views on one issue and still be friends, then yes your friendship is probably over. Is it something you can talk to her about though?

All of her posts are in support of fighting anti semitism

It's worrying that this bothers you. Anti semitism is a scourge and it should be fought against at every opportunity. I have been on many "pro" Palestine marches and demos over many years. I can't deny that, while I disagree with the actions the Israeli government are taking enough to go out and march about it, there is some cross over between pro Palestine and anti semitism and it is getting worse.

The idea of ending the friendship is quite distressing for me, especially as we have another mutual friend - all three of us close.

But maybe there's no other way.

You can think differently to people and accept those differences and still be friends, y’know. You can see how the marches could be seen as anti-Semitic surely….why are we not marching about Sudan, Yemen etc? I don’t know what I think about Israel/Palestine, but I certainly have an issue with people who can’t maintain friendships because of a difference of opinions

I'm not ruling out talking to her about it.