To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

You do sound quite focussed on health worries, so I’m not sure. Maybe try to give less headspace to potential doom from viruses and Seek help if you are not able to do so?

It is difficult to judge without hearing the GP's version of your experience. However if you do not like your current service why not change to a different surgery?

This is not gas lighting.

Why not just change gp?
whoever is in the right or wrong here (and there’s two sides to everyone reading between the lines) you don’t trust them, so move elsewhere?

if the same thing happens then the problem is likely you?

Do you ever try the pharmacy, as I believe they can prescribe antibiotics in certain situations like these? Or 111?

As the GP was unhelpful, you could complain to the Practice Manager, especially if you have evidence of when the GP refused you help but A&E then admitted/ prescribed.

And PTSD is a complex medical disorder diagnosed by psychiatrists, not bandied about after a few difficult phone calls.

Apologies if yours has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist but many people use the word for effect when actually it is just a stressful experience.

I agree with this.

Using words like gaslighting in this context aren’t very helpful.

Ultimately though, if you don’t have confidence in your GP surgery, you should find an alternative. It’s important you feel you have some level of trust.

You do sound very anxious. Do you speak to the pharmacist? Do you do self-care, eat healthily, exercise etc? It does sound a bit like you constantly have coughs and colds a lot in your family so are you doing everything you can to boost your immunity? And if you are a couple of weeks into a virus, you still don't need antibiotics. They won't work!

Look up Pharmacy First on the NHS. I believe that ear ache in children is one of the conditions they can treat.
GPs are discouraged from dishing our antibiotics due to resistance caused by overuse, so many conditions where they would previously have given them out, they now don't.

You do sound anxious. Most people get viruses in the autumn, particularly if they have small children. And they can last weeks if you’re unlucky, or can lower your immune system so it seems like you just get one after another. Doctors can’t do very much. As others have said, pharmacists may be able to advise, but most things do not require antibiotics and there is a real problem with antibiotic overuse which is leading us to a situation where they might stop working altogether, which is a terrifying prospect. I hope you all feel better soon.

Pharmacies can give out antibiotics for chest, sinus and ear infections in children so in your shoes I probably wouldn't bother with the GP if your children are ill again I would go to the pharmacy.

There is a national campaign to get specifically children with ear, chest or sinus infections to be seen by a pharmacist, and some infections in adults as well.

It does mean some GP practices are asking people not to attend with symptoms that look like any of these - I had a very bad sinus infection and was told by my GP to go to a pharmacy but in fact the pharmacies are only funded for children or adults without other conditions (i am severely disabled) so they wouldn't see me and I wound up at minor injuries.

I do think quite a lot of people are falling through the gaps in the service at the moment, which isn't great.

Do try pharmacies first though, they are very good with infections in. Children.

I think they have to put a strong barrier/reason for not prescribing antibiotics so everyone understands they are not for 'anything' and why. The problem you seem to be having is that you are 1) Not in this 'not needed' band and 2) seem to be guilted or put off by this. You should be able to strongly assert that you need them when you clearly do and then not give it a thought that you had to do this. I know some people struggle with this.

YABU to use the term gaslighting.

I am not very anxious. I was very anxious when GPs have missed some serious infections in myself and my child. I am sorry but how is my self care supposed to help when you got fluid in your lungs after being told otherwise by GP's? I have clearly stated in my aibu that I dont take antibiotics for viruses. I take them when on day 14 I cant walk from a much higher fever and a banging headache than at the start of an illness. With my child at this stage we are usually in a hospital. And they do help on day 2 or 3 after I start taking them because so its normally day 16 of illness not day 4.

We dont get sick a lot in our family we mix with other people and these are the bugs going around at the time.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually

Well, she's not wrong. Stop relying on antibiotics OP and start to look at underlying causes, general health and diet.

Gaslighting again?

What do you think is the consistent thing in all this,?

Hi OP,

I'm really sorry that you are getting such negative responses. It's clear that your family are getting serious conditions and the GP is really not helping.

I think the question is why you are getting so many infections, and it's likely to be related to iron/vitamin deficiencies.

It would be really worth trying a multivitamin and mineral supplement for all of you to see if that helps.

My son used to get a huge number of long viruses which were very difficult, but then I added fortified breakfast cereal to his diet and made sure that he had enough to get 100% of his vitamin requirements from it every day.

After that he had 100% school attendance every year for 8 years, so it definitely worked.

Is that something you could try?

It's probably worth also trying the pharmacist when you get these infections, as it's clear that your GP is not grasping the seriousness of the situation.

You are not being unreasonable, as your visits to a&e have shown you needed treatment and a second opinion. I would change doctor’s surgeries, although many are not very understanding or helpful at all these days.

It is ok to laugh at a sick patient after their hospitalisation? I take antibiotics at most twice a year when I am very sick indeed this is not relying on them thats what antibiotics are for no? For example my son and I both had strep A before it was all over the news, were we not supposed to get antibiotics for that but some self care ?

My aibu is that why do I need to waste A& E time and they need to diagnose the very same issues GPs in theory easily could if they didnt laugh but listened to me as a patient ?

You and your family need a massive intake of probiotics and vitamins/supplements ASAP. Google boots probiotics they are absolutely brilliant. Start them now and be consistent- make sure you all take them every single day. You'll soon see your resilience against these bugs increases hugely.

People insisting on getting antibiotics is causing a very serious threat to humans with building of resistance. You’re likely getting better after a couple of weeks as the virus has run it’s course.

I think you’d be better to seek help for health anxiety tbh

Being laughed at is not nice. I haven't taken antibiotics for 8 years, think my kids have had about 3 or 4 courses of antibiotics in their lives (they are in their 20s) so I think twice a year is a lot, yes.

This.

You lost me at saying you now have PTSD after these phone calls.

That's a bit dramatic.

It is difficult to get a surgery appointment, but there are other options, like 111 as suggested by others.

It's not gaslighting OP. You would probably have got better by yourselves. Antibiotics aren't routinely given for earache anymore, especially after only 2 days. Treat with painkillers to start.
Are you going to A&E because you are actually extremely unwell, or because you think they will give you the antibiotics you want?
Antibiotics twice a year isn't normal at all actually. If you genuinely need them that often, I would be pushing for an investigation as to why.