To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

I used to have lots of trouble with secondary bacterial sinusitis. Yes it's very noticeable. Doesnt mean yiu HAVE to have antibiotics for it but for me often did make all the difference between a few days and months of impact.

Have you seen an ear and throat specialist for an x-ray as sometimes narrow nasal passages need surgical correction to prevent this? Wasn't the case for me mind you - my doctor speculated maybe a partial immune deficiency with regard to this type of bacteria. I simply got extremely vigilant about avoiding a cold - one day off at the first sign with overnight sweat cure, nasal rinses (netipot), gargling with iodide solution and a megadose of zinc the first day. No primary infection, hence no secondary one!

Antibiotics twice a year is quite a lot. DS10 has never taken them and DD12 had them once for a tooth abscess. I'm 45 and have only taken them a handful of times.

Thank you so much! We take daily vitamins and they drink things like actimel and it helps a lot. Generally, we are only sick during those 3 months and its one thing after another because of school and nursery illnesses that my kids havent been exposed before to. So this should get better in time once they develop a natural immunity to them all. There is an issue with enlarged adenoids and tonsils in myself and my son so could be a reason for prolonged illnesses and secondary infections attaching easily. Hence me being upset when I am laughed at or brushed off at the time of need by some doctors. The waiting list for their removal is at least 2 years. Thank you so much for your helpful message .

Good for you dear but we are all different on this planet. Some people are on daily doses of antibiotics due to having low immune system. Its hardly a competition. I was told its not a lot.

It seems @Springtimesadness that not only do you not listen to medics you are not listening on here

I personally would change in that situation and have done, I recently moved gp for a similar reason, kept being dismissed regularly and things being missed, one of which I ended up going private to get seen about without it just being waved off and dealing with the consequences of now.

So this should get better in time once they develop a natural immunity to them all

Yes, so stop damaging their guts with repeated antibiotics.

This is what the GPS are concerned about

PTSD? Have a word. You honestly sound like one of those patients. I can quite believe that the GP is trying to put you off.

You say yourself that it is mainly seasonal bugs. I (and DS) have currently had one for nearly a week. Wouldn't dream of calling the GP.

It difficult to say. I think some people are more prone to secondary infection. This was certainly case the for me as a child and into my twenties. Thankfully, my immune system is fully developed. It is true that most people recover on your own and it true that hospital more likely to prescribe as cautionary measure. That being there are occasions when antibiotic are indicated. It can be a double edge sword as antibiotic in itself can created also create secondary infections. Also it can correct resistance. In general, GP do not like to prescribe antibiotic therefore, your treatment may not be better, but there is no harm changing GPl

I guess the issue is really, what will you and the rest of the world do when they stop working? All the demanding in the world won't help. You can yell and shout at the doctors all you want and you can take all the antibiotics you want. But if they don't work anymore they don't work. And that's where we're heading in the future unfortunately at the rate we're going. Obviously occasionally people need antibiotics. Honestly twice a year is a lot unless you have serious underlying health issues.
Not all chest infections and ear infections etc NEED antibiotics. Obviously yes they can help speed up recovery. But the human body is often quite capable of fighting infections. Antibiotics should only be used when your body is failing to do that and you're at risk of serious illness. It's sad we've got to this point. It would be great if they could be given for everything and no one need to be ill longer than necessary. But it's not the point we're at. Antibiotic resistance is serious in the long run.

What @Mukey said.

‘Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.’

Even if you were suffering with anxiety, guess what, anxious people get sick too! It’s fine for them to suggest that you treat yourself for cold/flu symptoms for the appropriate level of time as outlined in guidance but if you are still unwell after that then they should be taking you more seriously.

I used to live in a previous part of the country where the GP practice was particularly terrible (never wanted to go see them as they had a terrible attitude about ‘women’s problems’ and giving out the pill 🙄)

Didn't realise how bad until one of my first visits at new Gp in new location they actually examined me for my complaint and had to get referred for surgery. I was so relieved that someone had taken the time to actually give me a 2min examination.

There are also plenty of conditions that mimic anxiety so it’s no excuse not to take someone seriously/

Read up in the ratings and patient feedback in your area and consider changing.

Why do so many people insist on describing almost any behaviour they don’t like as gaslighting?

The issue is that while antibiotics are genuinely needed in some situations (and yours may not well be one of them), they do cause issues long-term if people take them too often. They can also weaken your immune system meaning you get sick even more.

Ultimately if you don't trust your GP then you're free to move practise, but I suspect the next doctor you see will be just as reluctant to prescribe antibiotics anyway.

The fact that you were later hospitalised is neither here nor there really - all kinds of bugs and viruses can land you in hospital, and a GP has no way of predicting that - it's just bad luck on your part.

Some people are much more prone to infections generally.

Some people are more impacted by infections - for example if a child has asthma then a chest infection is more worrying.

I agree that pro biotics and multivitamins will help nearly everyone but they don't stop all infections.

Things like phoning the GP after two days of a child ear infection they will consider not appropriate. The expectation is self-care - so painkillers, holding a hot or cold flannel to the ear. If it's beyond self care (child visibly unwell beyond pain in the ear) then pharmacy not GP would be the next step.

I suspect the GP feels that you are contacting them too early and at a point where self-care/pharmacy is the right approach.

Again, viral infections can last much more than 14 days so you can't really tell just from how long it's gone on whether it is viral or bacterial.

That having been said if either you or a child are very unwell or in serious uncontrolled pain then you should seek medical attention.

Change to a different GP practice.

If the same problem keeps happening then you can conclude that the problem is you.

If you get a better service from a different GP then all good.

Twice a year is a lot, I can't remember the last time I took them but it was years ago. My 17yo has had them twice, 14yo has never had them and 4yo has had them once. My 12yo has an underlying health condition which makes her vulnerable to getting infections so she has had them more but the last time was November last year and before that it was about 3 or 4 years. I think something isn't quite right, you particularly as an adult shouldn't need them that frequently, I'd be asking for some further investigation rather than repeated antibiotics

It's like the word narcissist - everyone suddenly seems to think they know what it means and that it applies to them.

Yes twice a year is an awful lot. Were any of the infections swabbed and grown, that you were given abx for?

Focus on practicing good hygiene, consider wearing masks and ensure vaccinations are up to date.

Well it is a lot.

Also, you seem to be focusing on the GP 'laughing' but it was probably an incredulous laugh, rather than 'ha ha'.

If a person keeps presenting at A&E, the chances are they'll begrudgingly give them antibiotics to get rid of them.

A GP told me that years ago when my stupid ex husband kept taking the kids there, every time they got ill during his contact time.

Nobody is going to GPs to ask for antibiotics every few days in our family or with every single cold and cough. On a few occassion I did, nhs 111 had later the same night called an ambulance for my child ( i didnt call it it was their call). We were then admitted by the qualified A&E pediatric doctors and treated for bacterial chest infection (after an x ray) and another time for suspected bacterial sinusitis (suspected because the only way to test for it for sure is to biopsy the fluid from around the nose areas which they wouldnt do). All of that didnt really need an ambulance and a traumatic experience (yes it was traumatic for me) but an antibiotic that GP could have prescribed.

So is it reasonable for the local GP doctors who missed these infections to then 'gaslight me 'over the phone that my child would have gotten better anyway without antibiotics and to tell me how antibiotics would harm their growth in a long term ? That is the reasoning behind this aibu not that I am destroying my childrens gut system.

Are the local GP doctors more qualified than pediatric doctors at the children hospital then ? Genuinely asking as I am not originally from the UK.

Between my 3 children aged teens to 20, only the eldest has ever had antibiotics, once, aged 2.

I've only had them 4 times in my life, at 45yrs,. (Twice when I was immunosuppressied.)

Twice a year does seem very frequent. I hope you get to the bottom of any underlying cause.

So is it reasonable for the local GP doctors who missed these infections to then 'gaslight me'over the phone that my child would have gotten better anyway without antibiotics and to tell me how antibiotics would harm their growth in a long term ?

Yes it was reasonable for the GP to say this. Yes I think what the GP is saying is likely correct.

It is not gaslighting in any way (you might want to look up what gaslighting means).

I get that right and I am myself prepared to wait it out for multiple weeks . Its a risk I take myself because I know how I feel and when I feel really bad . However, a child is a different situation and I havent got a spare child to experiment on whether they will fight bacterial infection or not.

It would be better to think of GPs and hospital doctors as having different qualifications.

Both have studied for a long time and undergone long training.

In their specialty hospital doctors over-ride GP. So for example if you go the GP and they say I don't think you have X but I will refer and the hospital doctor says you have X then the hospital doctor's word wins.

However if you are presenting at A and E and are not admitted to hospital/no further investigations are done then the doctors in A and E are there to treat and deal with an acute situation. They may well say - looks like Y try the antibiotics. In this case you can't really be sure if it was Y or not and maybe it was viral and the infection would have gone.