To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

I'm not going to comment on UK GPs since I no longer live in the UK but my daughter has a condition that makes her prone to UTIs and she's had antibiotics twice in her life (she's nearly 3). Once was a precaution and the second time she turned out to also have a virus and the positive urine sample was most likely contaminated, but they asked us to continue the antibiotics just in case she did happen to have a UTI at the same time. That time she had a fever for a week with no other symptoms (hence testing for UTI), ended up hospitalised because she refused to drink, and only developed other symptoms in the second week which then lingered for another two weeks. So a virus can definitely hang around for 14 days! Antibiotics twice a year does seem like a lot without some underlying condition. If my child needed them that often I'd be contacting her specialist asking what we're doing wrong!

As it happens, my daughter recently had a cold while we were in the UK and at one point woke up crying complaining of a sore ear. We took her to a pharmacy who said they couldn't treat because of where we live but were happy to examine her including looking in her ear (they found nothing but still advised giving Calpol before we flew just in case). If I lived in the UK I'd be fine with the GP saying take my child to the pharmacy with ear pain.

I'm not sure about op, possible anxiety? but I think gaslighting by hospitals or a GP is really common. All my closest friends think I have been gaslighted by hospital when I broke my back and they were dismissive.

They do not investigate because 1 sinuses infection a year is not enough according to my GPs to start further investigations. This seems to be a general attitude in NHS at the moment retold by at least 4 gps I have spoken to. I am also too old to get my tonsils removed for example and they believe it would be more risky doing that than treating me once a year with a mild antibiotic.

I would agree with others that in the U.K. there is very much a culture of don't bother the doctor which is in both sides -GPs expect you to use self care for a lot of infections/illnesses etc and also people don't like to bother them especially post covid as there is a sense the system is over loaded.

In other European countries there are a lot more doctors and hospitals for the population and people do use them when they are ill.

It can be hard to adjust both ways round - things that in the continent you would absolutely see a doctor for here you are just expected to manage and be able to work out for yourself when it's bad enough to go to the GP.

With respect to antibiotics, it is normal especially in children,

Most children will never need antibiotics
Some children will have underlying conditions - asthma etc or narrow ear or nasal passages that mean infections happen regularly and impact the child quite frequently.

In the past in the UK children used to have tonsils removed or adenoids out if they had regular tonsil or ear infections. I had mine out in the late 80s.

These days, there is a push not to do the operations although this means the children continue to suffer with repeated infections and need regular painkillers and antibiotics.

amp.theguardian.com/society/2018/nov/06/nine-in-10-operations-to-remove-childrens-tonsils-unnecessary

So most children won't need any antibiotics, but a few will need a lot.

Because other European countries have health insurance and therefore better systems

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting

You cannot be gaslight by a hospital. They can lie to you, but that’s not what gaslighting means

I'm 55 and I've been working with the public since I was 12 years old, not to mention doing 12 years at school.

I've had Flu twice in my life, which is a very similar amount to most people my age.

It’s highly unusual for people to have “proper flu” more than 2/3 times in their lives…I’m in my 50s and have been fortunate enough to never have had it, I’ve had minging heavy colds/viral infections which have put me off my feet for a day or 2, but never actual flu.

If your dh’s colleague who infected him was at work, it’s highly unlikely he had flu if he was capable of being at work

I had the exact same feeling when moving to the UK from Europe!

No prevention, 10min appointments where you are only supposed to talk about one issue and instead of treating things straightaway we wait and see if they can be resolved by rest/fluids.
Either they can (but you were unwell for longer than if you had been treated) or it can’t and when they finally treat you the issue is worse.

But apparently ‘free at point of service’ is worth it because this is quoted when comparing with European countries (not US!) where you pay and then are re-imbursed but there is prevention / longer appts / no need to go to GP for a specialist referral / treatment prescribed even if the symptoms haven’t already been there for 5 days / yearly women’s health checks etc etc.

That is not gaslighting.

"Flu" is simply an abbreviation.

Feeling for you OP and can completely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve experienced similar and now have long term consequences.
If you have diagnosed (by a mental health professional, not a physical health person) PTSD related to healthcare, then your surgery should be taking that into account. However this could have positive and negative consequences in their behaviour towards you.
You do not need to have the full compliment of PTSD symptoms to be traumatised events. Also trauma can lead to, or worsen, physical health issues. Think about taking the plunge and changing practices.

You just don't jump in with antibiotics as either a preventative or immediately to shorten the duration of perfectly manageable symptoms, which 9 times out of 10 are viral anyway. Any doctor giving out antibiotics like smarties unless they are sure it is bacterial and the person actually needs help, needs retraining.

Honestly OP I don't think you understand what the term "gaslighting" means.

Just because your doctor won't prescribe endless courses of antibiotics for you and your child, you simply cannot describe that as gaslighting.

It’s extremely unusual to get flu once a year. You are clearly using the word in error to describe a cold, which can feel miserable.

From the references you e made to Covid and its consequences I think you may be one of many one who have been made overly anxious about health and the consequences of normal mild illnesses. Health anxiety is a horrible thing. I really think you should speak to someone about these fears, which sound disproportionate

I think you need to look at why you’re both so ill all the time. Diet is probable cause. Eat lots of fresh fruit/veg/garlic/onions.

💉are linked to chronic ear infections. I’ll tell you because it’s a well kept secret 🤫

I guess because some things don't need treatment? I'm really unwell at the minute with a temp that's gone to 40c, sweating/shivering, d and v, dizzy etc etc
But I've not rung the doctor as I figure it's either flu or a nasty viral thing and I don't want to spread it everywhere too
If it didn't improve or I got something like tonsillitis then I would ring them

I was told by my child gp who didnt see my child and didnt attend to them during the illness 'that they probably werent as poorly as I described and would have recovered on their own anyway without antibiotics' . When an ambulance was called and 3 assisting doctors have said that he genuily was poor when they attended to him at the hospital . He was treated for bacterial sinuses infection that caused 41 degree fever and severe headaches. That was on his medical record . Convincing me that it was all a big overeacting on my part is a gaslighting to me and my experience. You can believe otherwise .

Who called the ambulance though?

This is the research paper I’m referencing. A paediatrician did a study on the children in his practice, these were his results. He lost his license for this (until they had to give it back)

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/346088816_Relative_Incidence_of_Office_Visits_and_Cumulative_Rates_of_Billed_Diagnoses_Along_the_Axis_of_Vaccination

I await this post being either deleted or attacked. I’ll be here for neither. If this info reaches just one person then job done.

Thank you but we are not ill all the time.

I think a quick summary would have sufficed.

A doctor who I spoke to on NHS24? Or was I not supposed to waste their time as well and just be sick without making a bid deal about it? Perhaps some self care?

That’s still not gaslighting. Gaslighting would be the doctors deliberately playing little tricks on you to the point where you started to doubt your senses and lose your grip on reality. Clearly that’s not what’s happening here.

Summary