To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

You sound very unlucky with your health.

Your doctors do sound very uncaring so I would move.

You shouldn't say you have PTSD so casually though....

If you have lost faith in your GP practice and your relationship with the doctors there you should see if there is another practice in the locality that will take you on.
Just to say, having been given antibiotics in A & E is not a sign that they were necessarily needed. The thresholds are different.Most sore throats, chest infections, middle ear infections and sinus infections will clear by themselves whether viral or bacterial .Antibiotics have a lot of negative side effects as well
As the very real issue of resistance so it is very important that they are kept for only the most serious infections. Of course, once in a while sepsis develops and A&E is the place to go if it is suspected in any way . I suggest that you change doctors and try to talk through your experiences and how it has made you feel.I understand that you have been doing your best for your family and that you don't feel heard.GPs come in a variety of guises and some are better listeners than others.

I would also add that although things can go wrong as far as these infections are concerned the GPs are generally more experienced than the hospital doctors.

I didn't suggest it was a competition, dear! I am aware people are different, my DH has a low white blood cell count which means his immune system is low. But regardless of why you take them, your usage is higher than the norm.

Just because the gp declined you antibiotics doesn’t mean it was the wrong call. There are some things , like ear infections, that can be treated with antibiotics but will probably resolve themselves. If they don’t resolve themselves and you then get antibiotics it doesn’t mean the first doctor made an error it means they made an assumption that you would fall into the 99.5% of people who didn’t need antibiotics. Add in things like coughs and colds which are normally viruses so antibiotics won’t help at all it’s not surprising gps have said you don’t need them for most of the illnesses you’ve mentioned.

if this has happened more than once in a blue moon I would look seriously as to why you or your children have such poor immune systems. You and they shouldn’t need antibiotics every year for normal winter viruses. If they do you need to find out why.

The other thread, about how to improve the NHS. This is an example of why it's gone wrong. The assumption/expectation that it will sort everything out at the drop of a hat.

You describe a few difficult phone calls as “a PTSD”
You refer to your GP’s differing opinions as “gaslighting”.
You describe flu as “a more serious condition”.

This demonstrates a propensity to catastrophise. If you were in my clinic this morning I’d take the same line as your own GP’s.

I do think you've been given an unnecessarily hard time by some posters. We are all different and the NHS website often gives information and advice that conflicts with a GPs stance; it sounds like your confidence and trust in your GP practice has gone, they don't seem overly caring in their manner towards you. I would recommend moving and seeing if this makes a difference.

I would say antibiotics twice a year is a lot. I think it's normal to have them a few times in your lifetime than a few times a year if you have no underlying issues. I would agree with other posters that looking at other factors such as lifestyle and diet could help you get healthier.

Where is the gas lighting in this situation?

Things like earache you could try a pharmacy for some advice if you can’t get in at the doctors

I’m sorry op you do sound like you suffer from health anxiety and are likely passing this to your children. The line of you’ve now ptsd was a tell.

have you spoken to them about health anxiety , I think this would be prudent and helpful for you.

Well said.

I get a chest infection pretty much every year, & tonsillitis too sometimes (I teach, as my doctor says 'Pit-fall of the job'). I don't want to take antibiotics every time, so we have an arrangement where I fight it off naturally, but if it persists/ I'm really ill I call her & she prescribes antibiotics. Around 2/3rds of the time I can fight them off. I suppose the good thing is that I know I have that back-up.

I work with a few people with health anxiety, unfortunately you sound very much like them. They're off work a lot, are you?

Also though, it sounds like you're going to the GP too soon, and then using A&E as an alternative. 2 weeks with a virus should be your first call to the GP. Not to A&E because the GP didn't give you antibiotics days ago.

OP do you know much about antimicrobial resistance? Its really worrying and it's what doctors - especially GPs - are trying to avoid. Its been described as a slow pandemic and is now the third leading underlying cause of death globally. (I cut and pasted that last sentence!)

Something is obviously going on with you and your family, however, and in an ideal world the GP would help you to work out what that is.

My DS has written an essay on deniers of antibiotic resistance: I thought they’d be hard to find

*that’s people who deny it, not tights

Antibiotics twice a year sounds like a huge amount to me. Saying that you have “PTSD” are being “gaslight” makes my think you have a bit of a propensity to the melodramatic. I think you need to listen to your GP and the posters on this thread rather than shop around for doctors who will pander to you.

I usually find our GP practice to be conscientious, particularly with my young children. I have been known to take a child to the GP with a cold if they’ve not shifted it for 10+ days and notice they do thorough checks, listen to chest, check ears, check the throat. I commented to a GP friend that this seemed very kind as they must think I am an over anxious mum but he said it’s the only way to check it isn’t anything more sinister and this is the correct procedure.

I also usually find they will give a timescale in which they expect the child to get better and recommend bringing them back if they get worse.

It honestly alleviates a lot of parental stress if you know you have medical support when you need it. If you don’t feel supported then yes I would move GPs.

Flu can indeed lead to very serious complications in some people its not just a regular cold. For me and my son it oftne leads to bacterial sinus infections. Thousands of people die from flu every single year it is not 'just a flu' for some people.

Why are getting influenza so frequently that it "often" leads to anything? If you are getting the flu, and not just a cold, you need to push for investigations, not antibiotics.

Something else to consider is your home. Is it damp? Is there any mould? Is excess moisture extracted from cooking/ bathrooms and drying laundry. Is it heated comfortably when the temperature is cold?

You say you aren't from the UK originally. I know some older properties require specific ventilation etc, that you might not have considered.

On a few occassion I did, nhs 111 had later the same night called an ambulance for my child ( i didnt call it it was their call).

111 always err on the side of caution when it comes to children and sending an ambulance - the fact that one was sent doesn't mean it was actually necessary.

If Flu 'often' leads to that for you and your son, how often have you both had it?

It’s also very unusual to have flu more than a few times in one’s life.

Are you vaccinated against it @Springtimesadness ? I assume your DCs are

You don't sound anxious to me, OP. I do think you should change GP practices. And your GP was wrong when they said GPs haven't treated ear ache since the 90s...although they are stealthily removing various health issues from the list of those they will see under the NHS.