To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

You literally said you didn't need an ambulance. So why use it?

Yes, my mumsnet post is a cause of casual racism in the UK. My antibiotic usage is the cause of ab resistency worldwide. Its all because of this post. Once it gets deleted the UK will be a different place.

My child needed an ambulance and it was insisted on by nhs24 .

It is well known that antibiotics will eventually stop working for us all if people over-use them. You need to find ways to improve your health without relying on antibiotics, they should be a last resort.

Hand hygiene, vaccinations, a healthy diet, multi vitamins, exercise ... make sure you're doing all of these and maybe seek help for the health-related anxiety you are feeling. Stress and anxiety also have a detrimental effect on your immune health.

I never said it was the cause? That would just be ridiculous.

But try reflecting on what you've wrote. You've actively chosen to ignore advice and used it as a chance to do all things I mentioned.

You seem to read what you want to read. You've ignored advice and ignored questions asked and used it as a post to tear apart the NHS.

You've rejected all alternatives and been openly hostile and dramatic to everyone except one poster who also felt the same as you and accused everyone else of being defensive.

Chances are there are Doctors from your beloved and faultless and perfectly run country also working for the NHS. Are they also disgraceful and terrible Doctors?

But you said it wasn't? So which is it?

No one should be laughed at by any HCP, but yes, antibiotics twice a year is very unusual.
I have probably had antibiotics a handful of times in my adult life (twice for a dental absess once post partum infection that I can remember)
DS gets a cough most winters (he has one now, he's 16), but I rarely even bother with a GP visit now, did a bit more in the pre-school years.

While pharmacies can prescribe for sinusitis etc my local one has been told to stop giving out antibiotics for it. He told me he got into trouble for dishing them out and gave me some steroid nasal spray instead. Thankfully I got antibiotics prescribed by a GP instead but the pharmacy first thing is a load of rubbish if they are already being stopped from giving out the appropriate treatment.

I know some mumsnetters don't like to hear a harsh word said against GPs. While there are some great GP surgeries out in this country, there also seems to be an increasing number of dire ones. My last GP surgery was great. My current one is awful. Unless you are prepared to argue with the receptionist, you either see a clueless physicians associate who doesn't know the different between his arse and his elbow or a knackered nurse practioner who listens and is compassionate but is limited in what she can do (and I have the upmost sympathy for her). When you finally get referred to the GP, you are fobbed off. GPs are meant to relieve pressure on A and E, but all mine is doing is piling pressure on.

I admire your determination to continue to keep your children safe by advocating for them and you when you're deteriorating and being brushed off.
It can be very upsetting and i agree that it can get anyone quite anxious.
In your situation I would probably look for an alternative surgery to register with.
I would also get to the bottom of why your family is getting so unwell. If it was genetic, you would expect 3 or 4 generations worth of similar and that's unlikely as they didn't have the same kind of medical treatment back then.
Food types contribute to congestion which can lead to blocked ears and then into infection. The first sign of an illness I would change the diet for your child: goats milk, broth, fruits etc.
Is there mold in your home? Have you been diagnosed with lime disease?
If you have an underlying medical condition then you can get a 'remedy' pack set up by the GP. Symptoms start, ring GP they raise the prescription.

While I do think it's a bit over the top, I also have frustrations with our GP..with ours nothing happens on the first visit. It.feels like a policy to fob you off and send you off. It really annoys me.

i must be the antibiotic queen then... i'm currently on round 5 in about 18mo

1 piercing infection caused by getting soaked by filthy water from a passing car (thanks car) my ear was literally weeping pus and i was nearly sent to hospital for IV infusion.
1 skin abscess
1 chest infection (i have asthma, it got nasty)
1 tooth abscess that caused a horrendous gum abscess

current round is for another infection.

Some people have shitty immune systems (no i don't need pro-biotics/vitamins its a post viral immunity issue from repeat covid infections, no i'm not scaremongering, post viral immune issues are common with flu too, mine just happens to be from covid) and need more than others.. and i'm someone who loathes taking medication, so i don't do things unnecessarily.

No lime disease just general exposure to repeated viruses within a short period of time. I would recover easy after one but then would get another due to mixing with a large number of children (through work as well as my own) and sinuses is my weak spot as it gets blocked straightaway. Often goes away on its own with saline spray and steroid spray. Twice in the past 5 years it carried on getting worser and therefore antibiotics were much needed but not given by GP as my sinuses pain and blocked nose and lack of hearing was laughed at for 3 weeks until I developed a fever. Same with my child. Less dairy is a good advice thank you .

All doctors told me 5 sinuses infections in 35 years is not a reason enough for any intervention as it would cause more harm but yes I am more prone to them than others.

I just felt uneasy how this forum reacts like I took something off them personally by seeking medical help or I should be ashamed for not sucking up with the illness like them and their never ill relatives . We all have a right to ask for alternative opinion within medical system. Any single one of us can when going to GP or a hospital ask to speak with a different doctor. GP doctors can misdiagnose chest infections and sinus infections especially when they dont take you seriously.

Sorry not just a reply to you but in general. Thank you for your constructive advice.

Is it twice in 5 years, or 2 times a year? I do think you would get more sympathy if you weren't being repeatedly flexible with the truth tbh.

I never said 2 times a year anywhere. I never said i took an ambulance I didnt need. I said the last 2 years were especially unlucky as I had sinuses infection twice in the pasy 2 years and my child had it once . Before that I only had 3 others in my life. What happens on this forum is people read someone elses response to me for example saying 'you didnt need an ambulance for a cold' then attack the OP who never said anything of this kind and then everyone else just piles on. There is no really a communication. The thread will hopefully be deleted today.

I average about 6 courses of antibiotics a year (usually UTIs and chest infections). A few years ago I had about 10 courses in 8 months (lots of UTIs, a kidney infection and a chest infection).

So far this year I've had 6 courses - 1 for a chest infection, 2 for a nasty UTI, 1 when my waters broke prematurely, 1 for a post birth infection and 1 for mastitis.

So, I don't think 2 courses a year is a lot. I do take immune suppressants though!

Regardless of how many antibiotics you need, you shouldn't have to access secondary care for treatment primary care should be providing (Except for BHs and weekends). GPs shouldn't be laughing at you either! Some people just get more sick than others.

I don't know why you're being given such a hard time on here OP. I'd ignore the posts looking for a rise from you, some people like to get the boot in for the fun of it!

Anyone with small children, especially those in childcare settings will know that from Oct-Mar every year is absolute hell for illness and sickness.

You see constant posts on here asking if/when things will ease off and get better. The amount of sickness you have mentioned is completely normal for those of us with small children. Especially when the are introduced to a new childcare setting.

We all know that there has been a massive increase and resurgence of viruses and illness since covid and lockdowns, and it has hit those of us with children extra hard.

Young children don't have fully developed immune systems yet, sometimes these viruses can develop into something more serious, especially when they have been locked away from everyday exposure for a couple of years during the pandemic.

Your experience with the GP isn't unusual. I have found the same, as have many of my friends and family. Parents and woman in particular are gaslight and brushed off in the misogynistic NHS so much and it's infuriating. I have switched GP and sadly this made no difference to the treatment I've received. As a result, my husband now only deals with the kids as for some reason, they will listen to him and roll out the red carpet for treatment but for me, I'm ignored as I'm JUST a hypochondriac woman that likes to make up stores for attention 🙄

You have my sympathy, I don't have any answers for you but definitely switch GP and if you have a male partner, perhaps ask him to deal with the children as I have. At least he might get somewhere with your children in our broken misogynistic healthcare system.

Thank you so much. Most parents on this forum it seems have children who are never sick or perhaps are sent in school regardless so it doesnt count as sick to their parents.

There's currently another thread running on aibu regarding lice and viruses in nursery.

Every single person on there has said all these bugs and illness etc are completely normal and completely expected with children as their immune systems are underdeveloped.

My social circle likes to refer to it as the 'nursery plague'

Anyone on here saying it's not the norm and it's your immune system that's the problem is talking rubbish for the sake of it.

Good luck with switching over GP and hopefully your new one will listen to you more, before these bugs develop into the more serious conditions. Keep doing what your doing and don't stop advocating for your children because the NHS is damaged beyond repair and only those that shout the loudest, get the help they need.

I know that a lot of people are fobbed off by GPs but I think it's more the gatekeeping receptionists.

Recently I did an e-consult for my mum, it took 2 weeks for her to get a face to face appointment as it wasn't urgent but she got one with a very conscientious doctor who spent well over half an hour with her.

And this week I did an e-consult for myself and received a text the same day with the tests to do and to arrange a blood test.

It does seem that if you can use the e-consult, you get what you need as you bypass the clueless receptionists. However, there are a lot of people who can't access them or can't put down on "paper" what they need to say.

my husband now only deals with the kids as for some reason, they will listen to him and roll out the red carpet for treatment but for me, I'm ignored as I'm JUST a hypochondriac woman that likes to make up stores for attention

Blame Roy Meadows and his ridiculous made-up "munchausens by proxy". Probably for another thread though!

I used to live in Germany - one of those "European countries with health insurance" people keep going on about - and believe me doctors there aren't giving out antibiotics for coughs and colds either. The running joke among Brits and Americans is that no matter what you go to the doctors for they'll tell you to drink tea. There's a herbal tea for everything in Germany! My friend actually ended up with a kidney infection when her GP refused to give her antibiotics for a UTI and instead told her to buy bladder tea at the chemist - she eventually got antibiotics from a gynaecologist after it had progressed to a kidney infection. And yes you will often be given a same-day appointment but in 8 years of living there I can count on one hand the number of times my GP got to me less than half an hour after my appointment was actually supposed to have been. (The number is one. One single time I actually got seen close to my appointment time. I once had to wait two hours on a Monday morning despite having an appointment - I still haven't worked out how you manage to be two hours behind at 9 a.m. on a Monday having only opened at 8!).

I now live in a different European country. Here I usually get called in within 10 minutes of my actual appointment time but have to negotiate to get real medicine - not antibiotics but things like proton pump inhibitors. I had to agree to also try the homeopathic powder that literally contained belladonna before he would prescribe the actual medicine!

Lyannaa
Again, gaslighting is about INTENT. An abuser tries to make you question your reality with the express purpose of making you feel like you are going crazy.

Medical gaslighting isn't anything to do with abusers. It's when HCPs shut people down when they are concerned about something and doubt their patient's ability to know their own body.

But that is called BEING DISMISSIVE / being arrogant / being patronising / being high-handed ….
What it definitely ISN’T is gas-lighting.

I agree with @SomeFinElse , it may not be gaslighting. But is being patronising or dismissive any less worse? I think not.

Not just on MN, but in RL millions of women get dismissed / fobbed off, by Receptionist's, GP, Hospital, Consultant. Many HCP's.

People with back pain who are dismissed, women trying to get hold of HRT and given antidepressants instead .

The NHS is crumbling and sadly alot seems to come down to money. They sometimes just wanna get rid of you at the cheapest possible way sadly, and we blame the NHS crumbling as if it's some grey big enigma, but rather than the nhs being a big thing /entity, it's still actually consists people on a day-to-day doing their jobs, some actually not very well! Eg not returning your call or Saying you can't have this appointment or lying - something can't be done or has been done or hasn't been done etc. and all these things do go on.

ditto!

I once had to wait two hours on a Monday morning despite having an appointment - I still haven't worked out how you manage to be two hours behind at 9 a.m. on a Monday having only opened at 8

I know that now. My son had a 9am appointment at Southampton hospital a while back. The consultant rolled in well after 9 and we were seen at 9.45.