To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

Influenza and flu aren't necessarily the same thing. Influenza can be serious. Flu is a common term that is often used to describe a heavy cold accompanied by aches and pains and a bit of a temperature that can be dealt with by a bit of bed rest and over the counter remedies.

Very few people who say they have flu actually have influenza.

what are the your children’s classmates doing? Getting antibiotics every time as well? Presumably your children catch it from their peers? They can’t all be at A and E?

Lol. Flu is the abbreviation for influenza! They are exactly the same thing. Yes, some melodramatic idiots call a heavy cold 'flu' but they are just plain wrong.

You would have thought they would have realised that when typing them out. It’s ‘flu, the apostrophe is for the dropped start of word

I had conversations with pediatric doctors and they said that at this vulnerable stage when children are only developing their immune systems and especially since Covid many viruses have changed and are more aggressive. So yes kids can catch one thing after another and if its one virus after another there is not enough time to recover fully and sometimes bacterial infection can attach itself to a weak spot. I was told considering all that 1 use of antobiotics per year is not a lot. Thank you for everyone who apparently has never been sick in their life and their children are marvel superheros. That is very helpful indeed.

I understand you OP. Your GP needs to treat you respectfully and to also identify the bacteria to give you the right antibiotics. Some people get sicker than others and take longer to clear viruses. This is when bacterial infections take the opportunity to infect. Viruses can also have serious consequences in some people compared to others who don’t even feel ill. Change your doctor if you can. Use hand gel after common surfaces, wash your kids hands as soon as they get back from school etc. Wear a face mask in crowds if you feel ok about a mask. So many people cough and sneeze out with no thought for others. Adding in get the flu and Covid vaccination for your family.

I don't think you have a clue what 'very ill' actually means.

It is ok to laugh at a sick patient after their hospitalisation? I take antibiotics at most twice a year when I am very sick indeed this is not relying on them thats what antibiotics are for no?

Taking ABs twice a year is extremely frequent and possibly the reason you feel "fobbed off" by doctors who are trying to do their job which is to prevent unnecessary AB use and superbugs. Fixing common cold or flu symptoms is not what antibiotics are for and any patient requesting it would raise red flags.

As you mentioned yourself, all your ailments are "regular bugs going around" and common respiratory illnesses are very low risk for complications even if the patient feels like shite. Antibiotics are for open wound surgery or situations with extremely high chance of bacterial contamination. They are not "add-ons" to cold and flu treatments unless the patient has a seriously compromised immune system.

DH is a doctor and we have both taken antibiotics twice in the past 10 years (UTI, c-section, dental surgery and only once for a flu-like illness). The human immune system is designed to fight off the vast majority of bacterial or viral infections. If someone doesn't have any underlying health issues then it's vanishingly unlikely for them to die because they did not take antibiotics, even if they genuinely had a bacterial infection or severe diagnosis like flu. Same applies to children. You may be in slightly more discomfort and pain for a few days but with pain relief and rest, everything eventually passes.

Most of the time it is a cold. It's possible for people to really suffer with colds and also not really suffer with influenza, too. It's really not as simple as you somehow believe. You had a lab diagnosis of flu, fine - it's a virus though, you can't take antibiotics for it.

Strep A is the only time in my 50 year life I've needed antibiotics, because it is bacterial and my body wasn't clearing it well on its own, on that occasion. My husband hasn't taken antibiotics for 30 years. Both of my children (teenagers), have never needed or taken antibiotics. As the other replies on this thread attest, this is far more usual than your experience.

Flu can indeed lead to very serious complications in some people its not just a regular cold. For me and my son it oftne leads to bacterial sinus infections.

Indeed it can, if you and your DS have had actual flu enough time for it to 'often' lead to something else then you need investigations into why this is, that's not usual at all to have flu regularly.

From your follow up posts it sounds like there's more going on here, it's not unreasonable to be cautious about illness when you've lost family members and you've had hospital admissions; it doesn't mean GPs are always wrong, but of course request to see a different one if you don't trust your current ones.

Thank you so much for this. You are spot on about some of the things regarding ENT issue in both myself and my child. And I never even call the doctors for anything else its when I know something is not shifting and similar pattern to previous bacterial infections happens so I just want to get checked out instead of hearing 'well its mostly viruses and there is no treatment so pain releif' . I know this ! But I also know my body and when something is not quite right after a pro longed period of time. I always try all the other methods for myself before it gets properly bad but I cant risk self caring with an unwell child nor should I be expected to when there is a healthcare system and I am in a developed country .

A flu? A PTSD? Both of those are very specific conditions. Sounds like a significant degree of health anxiety.

Sorry, meant to say it's almost become a different thing. I didn't explain it well.

So many people say they have flu when they definitely do not have influenza. "Flu" has almost become a thing in its own right. It's a misused term.

You can catch a flu easily once a year if you are constantly in groups with other people. That is its normal pattern . Its not regular. Regular is something once a month I am sorry you are making strange assumptions.

I assume you are in good health. The word of the healthy that tells those who suffer ill health to shut up and move along. Some people need more medical care than others hence there are doctors and a medical infrastructure.

Get probiotics ASAP.

Why are you being horrible to Firestace who is actually being supportive of you?

@Springtimesadness as someone not originally from the UK, I find attitudes towards illness shocking, there is a culture of suffering among many that does not match my experience growing up elsewhere.

And it is your GP, I was prescribed AB as a precaution when I developed flu, after simply calling and expressing concern that the cough was getting worse and more chesty.

Yes and the OP does not have PTSD from calling a doctors surgery.

Yes, that was my bad, I meant to edit what I had said as I had phrased it all wrong.

I would say that's unusual
I'm neutropenic and probably need antibiotics 4-6 times a year
When I last looked on the app I think I've had 78 courses in my lifetime

It's very unusual for someone to get flu annually, that's not in question. I mix with the great unwashed as much as anyone does and I've had it once in my lifetime. My young adult children have never had it, and I don't think my husband has.

Ask your GP for a flu vaccine for your child, explaining they missed the clinic at school. They should be able to arrange that. Then go to a pharmacist and get one for yourself.

Have either of you ever had any investigations into your sinus issues? That seems the obvious thing to do if every respiratory virus you pick up turns into a serious infection.

It’s really difficult to say without hearing both sides.
How many appts at the gp practice have you had for you and your family since changing to the new one and how many A and E visits.

But the point if antibiotics that they are needed for some people in some situations right ? The pediatric doctors and the doctor who admitted me said they were very much needed in those cases and should have been given sooner by GP. We cannot judge everyone based on our own experience of what is normal, can we? My children or family might not have any other illnesses or general concerns that your family is struggling with at the moment for example but I would never shout about that trying to say that my experience is the norm and someone elses is therefore not ?

@TinkerTiger I totally agree that we have developed a weird culture around illness in the UK in the last 30 years or so. If you are under 60 and have only lived in the UK it might seem normal to you, but it’s really not. We have been gradually encouraged to believe that we are bothering doctors for almost anything which isn’t an A and E type emergency. It really is not like this in other European countries.

Whilst of course it is true that we need to massively reduce our use of antibiotics what I find sad and strange is people’s manner towards the OP. There is a brisk lack of empathy. It reminds me of my mother in law who grew up in Germany in the 1920s and 30s where illness was seen as weakness. If you think this is an extreme comparison just try visiting a doctor in any other country nowadays. You will get actual attention rather than being dismissed.