To feel constantly gaslighted by local GP doctors. Is it the norm or should I change my practice ?

[Springtimesadness]

I have recently moved to a new area with my family. Unfortunately , myself and the kids been sick a lot in the past 2 autumn/winter seasons. Some just normal colds others more serious viruses like flu, rsv that needed medical help. Also had a bad case of Strep A for which my child and I were in a hospital.

One of my children and myself are both quite vulnerable to secondary bacterial infections and tend to develop them after a serious virus (not every time). As a responsible parent I take them to GP practice especially if they are not getting better after 6 days or getting worser. However, I have seriously struggled with the level of gaslighting that made me question my child and myself and often even made me delay taking them to the hospital as a result if being convinced 'its just a virus'. To sum up over the course of 2 years GP's have missed my sons chest infection, perforated ear drums, tried to convince me that I cannot have a bacterial sinusitis because it followed a flu (which is a virus) when i have got a chronic sinusitis and struggled with it all my life and know the difference. Its this constant 'antibiotics dont help with viruses' when I am on day 13 of a virus and getting worser so clearly something else is going on.

On all of these occassion often after 14 days of suffering I ended up crying at A&E that nobody wa staking me seriously. Normally x rays were done / check ups and infections quickly identified and antibiotics were quickly given. When it was my child I was always told that my child was very sick indeed and needed antibiotics and I was right to seek medical help.

I have raised this issue up with one of the GPs after another hospital visit and she just laughed over the phone saying that antibiotics in that sense were prescribed out of precaution and both my child and I would have gotten better by ourselves eventually. I just felt again like I am constantly being laughed at by these health professionals and my health concerns are being brushed off until they reach the point of 40 degree fever and I have to look for help elsewhere. I have now got a Ptsd even calling this practice and was wondering if that is a normal way GP doctors now speak to people?

I have just called them to get my other childs ears checked as hes been crying for the 2nd nights from ear ache and i want to make sure its viral and got told ' we dont treat ear ache anymore in this country since 90s so not much we can do that you cannot do yourself at home'.

To add we usually are sick during autumn months and then hardly ever call them so I am not an over anxious person who calls about every single ache. I call when I or my kids really need it. I also dont eat antibiotics like candies but a few times they have saved us.

Am I being completely unreasonable to think that this is not an cceptable level of medical help?

I have said we are ill on average 2-3 times a year as we have got 2 small children under 7. The reason for that is we mix with a lot of people and catch whatever is going in the community. This is considered as 'normal range' especially for children because it happens during winter time only and it had never been raised as any issue by any medical doctor I have ever come across. The problem is on a few occassions the illnesses were long because of secondary bacterial infections that my GP practice consistenly failed to acknowledge or help me with which put myself and my child in danger. That was the point of this AIBU. I didnt ask people to share how 'them and their children are never ever sick" as I quite frankly dont care.

I'll say it again

PROBIOTICS

Get your whole family on them ASAP! GAME CHANGERS.

Disgusting post. Well done on alienating all those of us who may next be treating you and your little darlings.

I have no words.

But that is called BEING DISMISSIVE / being arrogant / being patronising / being high-handed ….
What it definitely ISN’T is gas-lighting.

Oh you've done your harm. Paid our medical negligence for the death of my daughter. Amongst other issues. I never cease to be surprised by the general level of incompetence.
I should have known, in fact knew you couldn't be trusted. Will forever regret not asserting myself against the arrogant nhs to save my little one.

PS: I no longer trust you with my darlings. Fortunately competence, humility and listening eats are only an easyjet flight away.

I have no words.
I’m so, so sorry to have read this. I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through/be going through

Thank you. I'm sorry but these threads are major triggers and i should have stayed away. Like the OP, I have PTSD from NHS negligence. I resent myself because I knew deep down how incompetent the doctors were, it wasn't like I was naive.
But once the trust is lost, it never comes back. Every time I go to the doctor's abroad I end up crying because "this is what it should be like". I kills me that if my daughter had been treated internally any other European country, she'd be here today. Because doctors in other countries aren't perfect but they listen, think and don't hide behind checkboxes.

You have literally nothing to apologise for.
Have you ever considered using a private GP in the UK? It’s certainly quicker than hopping on a plane. I use them when I need to see a doctor about anything outside of routine things. They have the time to really listen

Yes and I have in the past. I still get NHS treatment in a number of areas and have learnt the very hard way how to work the system. Of course, with my history I now get VIP treatment anyway because they are scared of messing up again.
But when it comes to my immediate family and they can't see the history, still appalling advice is given and mistakes are made. They certainly know how to mess with our lives.

We're lucky to have the option of treatment abroad and the contrast is just staggering.

God almighty, those of you slagging off the NHS should try and do a day's work with us. Absolutely beggars belief that you think clinicians don't care.

What about those of us who have worked in the NHS with other clinicians who don’t care? Of course some don’t, and some are bullying and abusive. What industry or sector anywhere is staffed entirely by good people?

NHS England is the largest employer in the entire UK, and something like 5th or 6th in the world 🤣 chances are many people in this thread work for the NHS, or have worked for them in the past.

Tbh you sound dramatic, overly preoccupied by health and just acopic in general. The stereotypical hypochondrical parent fixated on antibiotics as a solution. Throwing in the PTSD label certainly hasn't garnered any sympathy here.

Do you not think there is a degree of viral illness that we all just have to put up with? That in the majority of cases is self limiting and will improve with conservative management ? And do you think if everyone behaved as you did our health service could survive beyond a week?

Tearing the arse out of it isn't sustainable. And no, I'm not suggesting we should be tugging our forelocks in front of healthcare staff. But a reread of the tragedy of the commons is due in your case.

UK GP are rightly quite stringent with prescription of antibiotics. In comparison to many countries overseas where they are given out much more liberally or available over the counter. This does cause resentment at times, but is required to avoid mass antibiotic resistance.

A&E will often prescribe antibiotics more liberally too. Often because your seeing a significantly more junior doctor then your GP who will be easier to coerce into prescribing. Also it can be very hard to defend not prescribing them in ED, if you’re reporting you’ve seen another doctor and things arent improving.It’s wrong to take the view that because you were given them in ED your GP should have given them to you.

Getting secondary bacterial infection after a mild viral illness is unusual, particularly in otherwise well young/middle aged adults. Do you actually have any positive results to back up your assertion that this happens regularly to you & your family? I suspect you're just picking up a lot of minor viruses which is normal with kids.

Haha! Pharmacy for antibiotics??? Since when? They’ve all told me no chance, GP (or rather the tin god receptionist) wouldn’t see me until I’d asked at two pharmacies, met with an eye roll and a ‘no we don’t do that, GP is trying it on’.

Ear ache hasn’t been treated since the 90’s? That’s bullshit. I’ve had antibiotics and antibiotic ear drops also the wrong ear drops (which perforated my ear drum, that was a delight). Ended up in hospital, deaf and on a drip… then mastoiditis. Then got referred to ENT, suctioned etc was told I have eczema in my ears (can’t see it, it’s deep down) which makes them dry and more prone to infection so no swimming for me.

It does seem like the GP is brushing you off as having health anxiety or low tolerance for pain… a general feeling you need to wait until you get better on your own and suffer in silence. I don’t doubt you feel like shit, I’ve been there, been fobbed off. They don’t like giving out antibiotics imo. DM DOES suffer in silence and has ear bleeds and abscesses etc where she’s in bed in agony. GP doesn’t give a fuck. We are at different practices. DM has unhealed broken bones where she’s refused to go to hospital. NHS is complete shit, but it’s free 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry no advice, I went private in the end. DM has in the past too.

Doctors don't prescribe antibiotics because a virus "might" turn into a sinus infection. Antibiotics are not supposed to be prescribed as a preventative. Antibiotics have their place, but their use can also have dangerous side effects--they drastically change the gut microbiome and actually cause reduced resistance to infections over time. Overuse can also cause bad bacteria to grow in your body, including c. diff, which can be deadly. The vast majority of c. diff infections occur shortly after the patient has been on antibiotics for another infection.

Antibiotics are not a cure-all and they are not benign. Your doctors know better than you when they are appropriate and when they have the potential to do more harm than good.

I’m actually really surprised that the frequent secondary bacterial infections haven’t been flagged as a concern with you. If anything, acting like that part of your experience is normal would be the gaslighting!
I have four children - three are part of the ‘never sick’ brigade and one who has had repeated bacterial pneumonia secondary to various viruses. He required 2 hospitalizations last year, and there were another couple of rounds of antibiotics. It was 100% flagged with us as abnormal and he underwent some additional testing, saw a specialist pediatrician, and had his tonsils removed privately as we advised not to wait. After the second admission within 12 months, we were definitely not told this was normal. I’d assume it was even less normal in an adult!

We all have individual medical histories and weak spots in our bodies. For some its allergies, asthma, IBS and other things. For myself and my child it is sometimes sinus infections. For people who are repeatedly saying how antibiotics dont treat common viral infections I know this and I never said otherwise ! When a person/child has got a fever first 9 days it can be an absolute norm. When its on day 16 its absolutely not a norm and antibiotics would be given to avoid possible complications in most developed countries especially with a child as doctors would never want to brush it off or take such a risk.

On many occassions I was told some people are more suspectable than others especially children and many will grow out of it. Many GPs simply dismiss a possibility of these infections and send you home to carry on taking paracetomol and to me this is not quite right.

Your PTSD is understandable, you've lost a child and I'm so sorry you went through that. I've been there. Twice.

However the PTSD the OP has is from making phone calls.

Again I know human bodies can fight infections even mild bacterial ones and I am ok taking this risk with myself because I can feel whether I am well or getting worser etc and take a risk knowingly. But no I refuse to do that with a child and I think its wrong and therefore I dont understand posters making me guilty for using an ambulance once in my entire life or for going to A&E or even bothering the GP. Its their job.

I am so sorry to hear about your story and your daughter. Please look after yourself and apologies if this thread was a trigger . I will ask it to be removed as it no longer serves any purpose.

I think you need to look at your diet and maybe add more vitamins. I also think you expect more of medicine in general than it can really deliver. It's more about reframing things for yourself.

Has the post done what you would hope it would achieve then?

Ignore advice, argue with everyone, slating the NHS, casual racism, minimilisation of PTSD

You missing anything else?