To ask if you trust men, including your partner/husband?

[YourGreenJoker]

I’ve been reflecting a lot on trust in relationships lately, and it got me wondering about how people view trust specifically when it comes to men - whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or just in general.

Do you trust men, including your partner/husband? Have past experiences made you more cautious, or do you naturally trust until given a reason not to? I feel like society often sends mixed messages about men and trust, and I wonder how other people navigate that.

For those in relationships, has your trust ever been tested, and if so, how did you rebuild it? Or, if you’ve always had full trust, what do you think contributes to that dynamic?

How do you personally handle trust with men in your life?

Agree with this. Trust my dh but still keep a close eye!🤣

This is difficult because it really depends on what you are trusting men with.

Do you trust your partner to not lie?
What about little white lies?

Do you trust your partner not to cheat?
Not to watch porn?
Not to fantasise about a woman at work?
Not to window shop?

Depends on what you care about in a relationship and what you think you trust them over.

I would say I 'trust' my partner. But do I trust him not to do some of the things suggested above? Not so much.

I suppose presumably what is really being asked is if we trust them not to cheat. But again, but what do some people regard as cheating. Flirting? Fantisising? Kissing? Sex?

Yes - I think that generally people are inherently good and that is the same for males and females. There are some males and females who I would not trust - it depends on the individual.

Doesn't this really mean you don't trust him. Do you think he trusts you? Would you be happy if he said he didn't?

No, I've been propositioned by enough married men, seen too many nasty breakups/divorces, and been cheated on to many times to have any trust.

It's sad and I wish I wasn't so cynical, but it's hard to get out of that mindset now.

No.

In some ways. I trust him never to physically hurt me or use his greater strength and physical power against me. I don't trust that he will never meet another woman who he wants to be with more than me, or tire of me or the relationship, and that if he did, I don't trust he'd tell me as soon as he should. Nothing personal about him, I just know enough of human nature to know that this can happen to anyone and a lot of people end up crossing boundaries when it does. I don't trust him never to make a mistake or an unwise decision that could have a negative impact on me. Again, nothing personal, he's human.

its a good question op. The responses have been interesting to read.

the ones that trust all the men in their life like their dad, brother, uncle etc or they seemingly have found a “good egg” are interesting. You know, other men that have cheated/did something bad were also sons, fathers, cousins etc and or seemed like the perfect person.

no one is infallible, we all make mistakes, we are all human. Personally, based on my opinion, i don’t 100% trust myself, never-mind anyone else. Trust is such an odd thing, its based on the idea you know someone 100%, which is impossible. Especially as people can and do change a lot throughout life.

Yes I’m lucky. The men around me are honest and good people- dp, my dad, my granda when he was alive, male friend I’ve known for many years, ds’s ( one not an adult yet). I trust them completely. I’m less trusting of women if I was to make a generalisation. I know some terrible gossips , backstabbers and manipulators. Thankfully, I do have female friends who are the exception. We will all base our answers on personal experience.

Yes I think I do trust men actually. lucky to have had all good men in my life. Dad, brother, cousins, husband- all lovely men. They wind me up but I trust them implicitly and know they’d never let me down.

That’s probably influenced my attitude to men in general. Of course I come across idiots but my reaction is usually ‘well you are a bit of a twat’ rather than ‘typical man’ iyswim.

im aware I’ve been lucky.

This.....but i think there is a bit you have missed out...a sort of in the middle thing where you trust them in some circumstances but not in others. I'd say that this goes for women too. But I think I am taking a wider view of trust than you are? I suspect you are talking about relationship trust whereas my reply is about trust in general...trust to look after my tortoise, to give good advice about my garden, finance, trust with a key to my house...all kinds of trust.

I trust my dad, he's always been a good male role model and been very caring and dedicated towards my mum and our family.

First relationship I was in was pretty toxic and he cheated and after that I was very wary of men... my stbxh worked very hard to gain that trust and I'd have said I trusted him implicitly for the 7 years we were together until I found he'd been messaging other women and worse behind my back. He was such an all round good guy and in the surface seemed so completely loyal and steady - he was Mr Reliable. I think what icks me the most is that it's just so... clichéd or predictable... it has definitely made me question men in general because he was someone I really would never have questioned.

Your post has made me wonder that another word for 100% trust in a relationship might just be complacency.

if we never worried that our partners might find someone they preferred to us, would that take away all incentive to proactively keep a relationship on track?

maybe not, I’m just musing but it’s interesting to think about whether actually we need an element of uncertainty to keep things on track. Bit like if you knew you could never be sacked you might never turn up to work again 😂

Yes, I trust my husband (26 years together), and I trust the men in my life (family, friends, colleagues) in terms of their (non-romantic) relationships with me. None of them have ever given me reason not to.

I find people mostly behave in the way I expect them to behave - I expect them to behave with honesty and decency and generally they do.

Not where sexual attraction is involved. On any level.

What exactly do you mean by ‘trust’, though? Sexual fidelity? Not physically hurting you? Having your back?

I trust my dh—perhaps largely because I had the experience of being able to trust and respect my DF, Grandfathers, and brother. My mother’s brothers were also honorable men. So I would never have accepted less than trust and honor from my dh. Over 35 years he had proven his reliability over and over again.

Yes, I trust my husband and I generally trust men.

But I am aware I seem to be very lucky. I haven't been constantly harrassed, when I've got attention I didn't want and asked men to leave me alone I've never had them turn on me and be aggressive, I've never been sent dick pics by some random (or anyone), never been assaulted I've never had a guy cheat on me as far as I know (albeit I have not had many relatioships). Though I know these things are sadly common experiences.

I suppose in general I trust people - most people are good and trying to the right thing, and that includes me.

someone they preferred to us, would that take away all incentive to proactively keep a relationship on track?
maybe not, I’m just musing but it’s interesting to think about whether actually we need an element of uncertainty to keep things on track. Bit like if you knew you could never be sacked you might never turn up to work again 😂

What a bizarre model for a sexual and romantic relationship. I can’t get “sacked” by my dh for letting myself go because he still finds me attractive regardless of my appearance or performance of dressing up. Since I never have to worry I can relax and just enjoy the relationship. He also doesn’t have to worry.

Trust them to do/not do what?

As a group, I don’t really trust men a great deal.

I trust my partner (not to be unfaithful, not to sexually harass or assault anyone, to be truthful in what he says and does).

Personally, I can’t say I fully trust anyone 100% as I think anyone can be capable of anything given the circumstances. Not that I wait and anticipate it either, but it’s just one aspect of human nature to me.

Having said that though, I observe people and if they don’t give off any obvious red flags I trust them, men and women alike. I don’t personally trust one gender more than the other.

I trust my husband, otherwise he wouldn't be my husband.

Do I trust other men? No. We were discussing this the other night, just about every man around my age bracket that I've interacted with for more than a passing moment as an adult (colleagues included) has been inappropriate with me at some stage over the years.

I'm alright looking - a solid 7/10 but I am short and very slim.

Fucking arseholes.

Yes. Men are just people. Most people are trustworthy. A small number of people - both men and women - are not.
Surely, we take each person as we find them? I don't understand this need to condemn 50% of the population, just because of their sex.

Interesting @Autumn38 . I do make an effort in my relationship, but that's because I love him and want him to be happy. I don't do it to minimise the chances of him tiring of me or finding someone he prefers, because my view is that if that happens, it will happen due to external factors. People move to new partners in my experience because the new person enters their life, they want them and they have the opportunity to have them. I think this can happen when the primary relationship is good and would have otherwise lasted. Similarly I think a relationship where there is no effort made doesn't always or even often cause a person to move on. People drift on in lacklustre situations for years. So while I'm not complacent (and I do think trust and complacency may be synonymous here) the lack of complacency doesn't make me try harder. I suppose I'm philosophical. I'll just be me, doing what I do, and he'll either continue to want that, or he won't.

Well that’s because the majority of sex crimes are committed by that sex. It would be silly to ignore a tiger in the room just because of your belief it wasn’t a tiger.