To wonder why more men don’t get the snip?

[Rainallnight]

When their family is complete.

Sparked by two (separate) people I know who recently got pregnant with or gave birth to their fourth child. Both shared freely that it was an accident - contraception failure. Life with 3 DC is full on and a bit of a struggle already in both cases. Neither felt abortion was an option for them.

When you’re 3 DC in and your family is complete, why on Earth are the men not going for the snip to bring an end to it all? And stop birth control being all on the woman?

Our family is complete but DH does not want to get the snip (yet). I don’t think it’s appropriate to have an opinion on what anyone should do to their body.

And stop birth control being all on the woman?

It’s not. We use condoms, so it’s on him.

The waiting lists are horrendous. I know of many people waiting over two years, so by the time people make up their mind, get on the waiting list and then wait the three months or whatever for it to be effective, it's a long period of fertility to navigate, especially if they have exhausted other options (many people struggle with condoms and hormones when getting older so it leaves them a bit out on a limb while waiting)

Because they are being given the option not to.

I made it very clear to my DH after our 2nd that i wasn't going back on birth control, so its either condoms for the rest of our lives or he gets the snip 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well in my DH's case, in part because when we went for a consultation with the only urologist who does it near us, the guy was so clearly utterly deranged we felt it was reasonable not to let him anywhere near DH's genitalia.

(He told DH that birth control should be my responsibility, that I should get sterilised, and that if DH had the snip he would regret it because he would probably want a family with his second wife when our marriage broke down)

Also: his body, his choice.

Also: like pps, we use condoms, so it's not all down to me.

I am this person. I asked Dh to get the snip after 3dc and he didn’t. Despite being careful I am now in the position of needing to put myself through a termination or risk upsetting the balance we have at home. I’ve told him if I have a termination he is booking the snip immediately.

4th was also an accident here. DH got a vasectomy 6 weeks after she was born. I think at 3 whilst we felt done and didn’t want any more we didn’t feel like it was be catastrophic to have a 4th and my husband didn’t want a vasectomy. After the 4th we knew we couldn’t handle another so he booked himself in

YANBU. And waiting lists aren’t long everywhere and who cares if they are, do people usually decide not to have things done because they have to wait a while? All evidence suggests not.

DH had one last year, best thing ever.

My DP had heard horror stories so wouldn't have it done. I had an accidental pregnancy and then a miscarriage. He saw how that badly affected my mental health so immediately booked in to have it done.

we had 2dc and that was enough I was breastfeeding and a lot of contraception wasn’t an option I wanted DH to have the snip but he didn’t want to he also hated using condoms and it was my job to remember them! We now have 3 DC having only had sex 6 times in 18months! Safe to say there will be no sex until something more permanent is in place!

@strangerthanfictions DH had the snip last year and only had to wait a month. And this was on the NHS, free of charge.

I have heard that there is an association with ‘manliness’.
I have heard that there are risks that the procedure might affect urinary continence.

That’s all I have! I don’t know why more men don’t get it, either- it would almost entirely remove the risk of unwanted pregnancy and AFAIK is extremely low risk with no side effects- unlike female contraceptives!
I wonder if some men hedge their bets, not knowing if they’ll be called on in later life to provide their new, much younger wives with children?

It's baffling. You hear all the time how men don't want children, and they frequently abandon them - then why don't they get a vasectomy?

I just had my accidental third. Really want DH to have the snip but he's not keen. His body his choice and all that, but I suspect he'll change his tune when I enforce condoms for the next 15 years. I think he's assuming I'll cave and go on the pill again.

I think people should do what they're comfortable with, I do know a few men who have had it done who are child free. I have also had my tubes tied and don't have children. It's quite common in those circles. And great assurance against any oops pregnancies, particularly for men who otherwise have no say on if that ends with them becoming a father. A couple of the guys I know paid privately, far cheaper than having a kid so well worth the money without having to compromise sexual liberty.

I’m sorry you’re facing this situation. I’ve been asking DH since I gave birth a few weeks ago as he says he’s done but doesn’t want to book it yet, I don’t know why they’re reluctant to make choices to match their decisions. I can only think it’s centuries of social conditioning of children not being men’s problem and 60 years of contraception being women’s job. I don’t want to book it for him, he would go along, for all the reasons here about his body and autonomy but I think it’s the only way it’ll get done.

They should. I had it done, best decision ever. Only took half an hour, had to wait around 4 weeks if I remember rightly. I just regret going straight back to work (had it done in my lunch break) - I should have taken a couple of days off as recommended.

This is desperately sad. I’m so sorry.

However, if you don’t Have a TOP. Then what? He still doesn’t get himself vasectomised?

My friend either had the same one! Or there's 2 vile ones around. He literally said infront of my friend who'd been married to her husband a few years and had 3 kids "I think you should think carefully because you might get married again and want more children with the next one" 🤯

Dh had one. Although we ended up with an extra child who was conceived while dh was on the waiting list.

Also, in line with his cynical thinking, sterilisation is hard to reverse so what if the wife wants more kids with the possible second husband?

It would require DH to make a doctor's appointment and given that only happens if he's actually got a limb hanging off it seems unlikely he'll get round to it any time soon!

Thank you, I appreciate it. I am stuck between the head and heart decision.

No, if we continue I would be sterilised during my c section. I’ve had 3 already so 4 c sections is risky and I medically could definitely not have any more.

Because they are pathetic man babies afraid of knives near their knackers

Because they are squeamish, because they aren’t the ones going through pregnancy and all the damage that does to a body, and because they can get away with it.

I have no respect for these reasons, I think it’s pathetic given what women have to go through, but they are the ones my male relatives and friends gave in conversations over the years.

You poor love.

I hope you have a bit of time to consider - there is t a right or wrong way to feel. It’s just a crappy situation all round isn’t it x